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..... Beep...
Gravitational pull detected. Diverting course.
Planet scanning. Scanning. Scanning. Life-Sustainable. Cryosleep Stage 7 engaged.
Automated message now broadcasting. Thank you for choosing PSACPSO.
"Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo whattup mah niggas! Damn I always wanted to say that. But I guess it's space now so nobody can call me racist. Uh. This is Trey, uh. I guess this is the part where I start an automated message question mark? Fuck. Uhhh. Well nobody's going to be awake to hear this and it's not like it plays on loop, so. Does it really matter?"
"I guess not. Well if you happen to be listening, this is the Project Arkona, a collection of would-be enslaved Poles that got fucked over, basically. CIA says languages in the future will be like totally dumbed down so that's why I'm hip with the lingo.... the fuck is this script? Fuck this."
"Listen. I fucked up the cryosleep. These poor guys are stuck in an infinite sleep, probably for decades, until the onboard AI - which for all I know could be rogue - finds a planet to set up for terraforming. Then this message should play out, kinda like a 'ding' at the end of the microwave, only it's full of cold humans and it's supposed to be the start of a new civilization rather than a meal. Or something."
"Fuck I hope this doesn't play on repeat. It's a one-off, I think, or a play-if-you-press-a-button like one of those plot-driven sci-fi-horror games where there are random-ass video/audio diaries because apparently there's all the time in the world to lay plot developments when you're getting chased by god-damn xenomorphs...."
".... where was I.... Oh yeah. Poles. Cryosleep. Yeah, just wake them up. Onboard AI should be able to recognize voice commands. Good luck with that. Now I've got a few key Russians to make sure stay a little deader than dead, and then I'll hopefully be in my own cryosleep. Don't wake me up too early, alright?"
"And now, for your listening pleasure, a couple of classics."
- Sending Out an S-O-S
- Space Oddity
- Foolin'
- Come Sail Away
- Rocket Man
- Space Jam
- Third Rock from the Sun
- Rocket
- Supermassive Black Hole
- Intergalactic
Various other songs have been selected as well, and play on a loop - and, unfortunately for Trey, so does the message. Hopefully whatever hears this message sent off into space understands what's going on.
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