People who write me Private Messages often start out by apologizing for being creepy... and it's almost never followed by anything creepy.

I understand this may be less an actual worry and more a polite way to say "Please know I have no creepy intentions with what I'm about to say...". Nevertheless, I suspect there are listeners who worry about this more and they won't write me at all even though they would like to.

That's why I want to address what is and what isn't creepy to me. Untangle this mess a little bit so actual creeps know better what the problem is, and more importantly, so those of you who are afraid of being creepy won't get caught in this barbed wire anymore.

What does "creepy" mean?

Literally, 'to creep' means to move in a stealthy way. While 'sneaking' can be stealthy but harmless, 'creeping' has a disgusting or predatory connotation.

We have taken to use this in a figurative sense to describe predatory sexual advances. They are mostly "covert". They start with innuendo that comes across a little too serious, inappropriate touches.. We can tell this person wants more and they're just trying to sneak as much past the radar as they can before we call them out. They have already demonstrated they care little for our boundaries so even when we call them out, we can't be sure if that'll be the end of it.

It's covert, it's unwelcome, it's threatening - it's creepy.

None of this applies to your messages.

Context and intentions are the key. We're so used to branding anything sexual or romantic from strangers as creepy, because in most situations it is, that we have begun to feel like some things are inherently creepy. It's all about context and intentions though.

If you write your Facebook acquaintance that you masturbated to her photos from her beach vacation, that's creepy. Everyone knows that. But why? Because that wasn't her intention. She uploaded these photos to show how good a time she had on that beach. That's what your comments should be about. Instead you're ignoring what she felt in the photos and what she felt when she decided to share them and instead you interpret her just standing there as something meant to turn you on. That's unsettling. What if she meets you again - will you read her mere existence as a come-on in person too?

It's different if you tell me you masturbated to my audios. That is what I made them for. You're not stripping me of my feelings to serve as a sexual object. My feelings are indeed nothing but respected if you let me turn you on because that's what I wanted when I recorded, and it's what I wanted when I uploaded/posted!

You should feel no more guilt about letting me know you came than you would for applauding after an opera.

The same holds true not just for feeling sexually aroused but also if you feel emotionally aroused! If it's a loving audio then while it's running I want you to feel loved! If you see yourself in a character and you feel appreciated, please, feel appreciated! You're not stealing that from me, I want you to have it.

If you liked something graphic/kinky/perverted you can tell me. It's not impolite and you don't have to be ashamed of it. Least of all with me. I made the audio, after all. How hypocritical would I have to be to then turn around and judge you for liking it?

Sometimes people apologize for liking more than one audio or more than a handful or a few in a row.. There is a perceived parallel to stalking. The only parallel I see is to being fan. It's incredibly flattering to hear about that. I specifically created this page to have all of my audios in one place because I want you to have easy access to all of them! It doesn't matter if I posted one last week or eight months ago: I posted it because I wanted you to enjoy it.

You may take the cookies grandma offers you. You're making her happy if you do! :]

Just to show the other side: What would be creepy to me?

I'm hesitant to even put this here because it's so rare that this happens to me, it doesn't make sense for me to put warning signs on my lawn, so to speak.. Rape threats are bad, mkay? Duh. Thanks for the heads up, Sam!

Generally speaking, if you're worried about being creepy, you're not the kind of person who would send me rape threats, you know? You're probably worried about more subtle transgressions so let me lay out a few rules pertaining to things I've experienced, just so you know your message is in the clear! :)

Don't try to pressure or guilt me!

I'm neither a business that owes you service, nor a rockstar who is above you. I'm just a person who loves to create and share erotic recordings. This is the capacity in which we relate so it's entirely ok if our interactions are about audios and the sex therein - but treat me like a person. Preferably like a friend. Not like a sex-bot. Don't sext me out of the blue and expect me to join in! I won't.

Don't involve me in relationships I'm not in!

While it feels like we shared many intimate moments, don't assume we have a deep, personal relationship. It's completely ok to tell me you felt personally touched by an audio! It is, however, not ok to get jealous of someone else I interact with, for example.

When in doubt, you can always just ask. "Is it ok if I track you down and sacrifice you to my goat god?" "It is not." As long as you don't exert pressure and instead gracefully accept and respect my answer we're good. :)