I don't even know why but lately, i feel so lonely. Usually, the feeling of loneliness just comes for a bit then disappears, but now, it's just getting heavier.

I guess it is because i crave genuine love and affection from someone. I have no one, and even if i had someone, i am definitely not the favorite.

I tried distracting my loneliness with Youtube, facebook, playing games, etc., but everything just reminds me of how sad and lonely my life is. My breaking point was a video in youtube about a guy falling for his beloved gay friend. Like, fck. That hit me hard. I can't even express how upset and envious i become when i saw the preview of that video. I just cant help myself but tear up over the overwhelming emotions that i am enduring.

I have done sooo much for everyone even to the point where i have to sacrifice certain things just to make them feel better. But look at me now. I have no one. Im emotionally unstable. I crave affection so much that even a small act of kindness makes me develop intense emotions towards someone. Why am i like this. What did i do to deserve all of this..

idk. i just want to get this out of my chest.