Today the dentists said I need Invisalign due to grinding and spaces in my teeth. I might need surgery for my glaucoma. My puppy still has heartworm after an entire summer of treatment. I'm dumping time into a certification I couldn't give two fucks about, and I don't know how to care about my job. My friends live hours away from me, and I can't make more. Weed used to be my escape, but now my throat hurts when I smoke, and I can't enjoy being stoned without thinking I'm having a heart attack. The few things I do enjoy don't do as much for me anymore. Dating for me is just sad window-shopping. Throwing money at apps hasn't helped.

It just keeps getting worse. I keep thinking about ending things. I don't tell my therapist because I don't want to be put away. Sometimes I think dying in my sleep would be a gift.