Hi, I'm genderqueer. Or, possibly, agender--I don't really know for sure. I don't have a firm understanding of what gender really is. I was assigned a gender at birth, but I don't identify with it any more than I do the other gender. For sure I hate my gender role; if I'd known 15 years ago what I know now, I would quite possibly have made the decision to transition and live closer to the other gender role. But at this point in my life, I choose not to.

So with that in mind, I want to talk about bisexuals, and the fairly common complaint that a particular meaning of the word "bisexual" is erasing people like me--that is, people who don't identify at either end of the gender binary.

I am bisexual. What I mean by that is that I could, potentially, be attracted to anyone. Some people prefer to use "pansexual" to describe that. Recently, I've been hearing quite a lot that my identity is wrong; people tell me that I'm not bi, but rather than I'm pan, and that calling myself "bisexual" is oppressing people who don't identify with the traditional gender binary.

I find this discomfiting, because I identify strongly with the "bisexual" label, while "pansexual" leaves me cold. That's not to say that people who do identify as pan are wrong either, only that I don't feel like the word describes me.

So why is "bisexual" problematic? The common complaint seems to be that it contains the word "bi", literally meaning "two"; therefore it reinforces the gender binary, excluding genderqueer people, or at best, it requires a scale of "male" to "female" that all people can be placed on, which still excludes agendered people.

As far as that goes, I see two problems.

Firstly, words often change their meaning over time. "Bisexual" might have been coined in an era when we only had a gender binary, but as the concept of gender expanded, so did the concept of bisexuality. I, personally, do not know anyone who uses "bisexual" to mean "I am only attracted to people who are 100% male or 100% female"; which, of course, doesn't necessarily mean that such people don't exist, simply that I don't think this is the usual definition of the word. To define a word based on its etymology is an etymological fallacy, and ignores the huge changes which have taken place in discussion of sexuality since the word first appeared.

Secondly, bisexuality is hardly the only orientation which could be accused of reinforcing the gender binary; what about "gay" and "lesbian"?.

I mostly present as my AAB gender; maybe I have some mannerisms or dress habits which aren't prescribed by that gender role, but in general a random person I meet could probably identify me as belonging to a particular gender. So let's say I begin a relationship with someone who identifies as a gay person of that same gender. "Gay" usually means "attracted to the same sex or gender"; so is that person erasing my identity by continuing to identify as "gay", even though they're not the same gender as me? Should I constantly remind them of that, until they agree to identify as pansexual instead, just because I told them to?

I've never heard anyone, ever, argue that.

I'll admit that when I realised I was bisexual, I had no idea that pansexuality was a thing. Would I have chosen to identify as pan if I had? Honestly, I don't know. What I do know is that bisexuality has a long history, and besides the literal meaning, it has a political meaning. To be bisexual means something beyond a simple sexual orientation. I identify with people who have come before me who identify as bisexual, and with people here, now, who identify as bisexual. I'm proudly bisexual; it's not just a word that describes who I fuck, it's part of my identity.

Bisexuals already have to put up with criticisms that gay people don't: we can't be faithful, or we're not really bi unless we have equal amounts of sex with either gender, or we have "passing privilege" because we can date or get married to the opposite sex, or even that bisexuality doesn't exist, and we're really either straight or gay and just can't admit it.

And now it seems we have another criticism: that we're reinforcing the gender binary and gay or lesbian people somehow aren't.

Frankly, I'm tired of that. I hate enforced gender roles, and the concept of the gender binary, and the idea that everyone has to pick a gender and stick with it (or else come out as trans and stick with the other gender). These problems personally affect me; they stop me from being who I am. Anyone who knows me can attest that I'm all for tearing down our society and replacing it with something that's friendly to queers, whether cishets like it or not.

But you know, I don't think calling myself a "bisexual" is preventing that from happening. I'm not the one oppressing you; I'm not the person who thinks your gender identity don't real, and I'm not the person who's denying you your rights because of your gender, or lack thereof.

So stop telling me that my identity is wrong, and instead focus on the things that are holding all of us back -- genderqueers, trans* people, gays and lesbians, and anyone else who falls under the "queer" label.