Stupidity Edition

I gotta tell you, I come from a stupid family. In the Civil War, my Great Great Uncle fought for the West. My ex-wife isn’t very bright, either. One time she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, ‘Did you see the guy that did it?’ She said, ‘No, but I got the license plate.'

I mean, when I asked my Dad for bath toys, he game me a radio and a toaster. He wan't a big thinker, my Dad. He worked in a bank, and got fired for stealing pens. He tried to pull a pickpocket job on an airplane, and he made a run for it.

Can we talk about sex for a minute? You know the big difference between sex for money and sex for free? Sex for money usually costs a lot less. During sex, my last girlfriend always wanted to talk to me. Yeah, one time she called me from a hotel. She cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but it could be a lot worse- I know two guys she cut out entirely. I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster. But actually, I'm a little wild too. I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to.

You have been a great audience tonight, well most of you. That guy in the back was browsing porn. Clean your keyboard. And just remember. It's lonely at the top. Especially if there is no one on the bottom.