Tomorrow I am going to see my see practicing friends for a Tozo , this is the first time since finding this forum and I feel completely different to when I last saw them(about a month ago). I had stopped going to meetings and stopped chanting but they think o am always on shift when the meetings are on. So in other words my extremely dedicated SGI comrades have NOoooo idea the huge shift I have made in 4 short weeks. It's going to be tricky, when they are talking about chanting for this and chanting for that. I feel more real now, before I felt I was playing a part, and we what we talked about in our little group I would of felt embarrassed go discus anywhere else. I sure sign that I never fully (thank God) brought into the ideology. If was a secret I kept with like minded friends. I dont want that now I want to be able to be discuss what I do in my spare time with confidence and without embarrassment. I never shakubuku d any one due to this, I knew on some level this was a bunch of crap, thanks to you guys I can say it. Anyway back to tomorrow, wish me luck, and as they say in the trenches (ww1) " I going over the top " wish me luck.