As a SGI member, one thing that irked me was the discouraging of inconspicuous chanting, even though it was referenced in the Gosho. It was discouraged by Adult Division members, and in online SGI Facebook articles. So I was reading this article from r/sgiwhistleblowers https://www.reddit.com/r/sgiwhistleblowers/comments/bz0y6x/dumbing_down_membersdevotees_critical/ and reading the comments and it dawned on me. The more you chant about goals, the less you are chanting to hear your inner voice. The voice that tells you when something isn't right; the voice that comes up with the better methods of dealing with problems than spending inordinate amounts of time in activities. The more you chant for goals, goals, goals, the more you are receiving guidance from other people, the more you are willing to take on activity after activity, the less you are listening to your own intuition, and the less you are self-reflecting. As a result, you start to internally crumble from the strain. Without any intervention, you find yourself going through the motions and becoming a shell of who you once were. This was my case by June 2018. After 2017, I was no longer the effervescent member that started his last year of college. My self-confidence was broken and I had a hard time listening to and heeding my inner voice. This is why I consider it protection when after graduation, I had to move back in with my maternal grandparents, mother, and uncle nearly two hours away from the kaikan. By August 2018, with my mother's encouragement, I began to seek out employment, and without AD in my ear, I began to resume inconspicuous chanting. It took some doing, but I began to hear my own inner voice again and take my practice back. I began to consider leaving the SGI after 50K. In a way, I kept that vow. It just took 11 months for the final straw to break the camel's back.