I've noticed that there seem to be alot of older people on this board, and it truly blows my mind that at 29, and having joined in 2006, I still have so much in common with all of you. This however, may or may not be something you experienced, but I just want share to get it off of my chest. I joined as a YWD in 2006, at the age of 16. At that age, it is rare to find other people who have joined the practice by way of Shakubuku. Almost all 16 year olds in the SGI are "Fortune Babies," people who were born into the practice. Even my mother had to sign a document permitting me to recieve gohonzon since I was under 18. I remember people who'd just given birth showing up to Kosen Rufu Gongyo, bassinet in tow, to recieve a membership card for their baby. shudder All of the love bombing that pulled me into the organization came from adults. I'd been attending meetings with my best friends mother,(a much older Women's Division member) and had little introduction to youth groups, since my friend was not even practicing at the time. As mentioned, the SGI goes after the sad, lost, and lonely, and I definitely fit the bill. Abused only child, overweight, and didnt really have too many friends. I recieved my gohonzon at New Year's Gongyo. I remember seeing the taiko, and hip hop dance performances. The other youth gave experiences, and when the meeting was over, I saw them all huddled and talking, laughing, celebrating. I couldnt wait to be part of that group of friends. Was so excited to have a group to belong to. If only I'd known. That very day, a popular and bubbly chapter leader (let's say Brittany) was pulled and asked to come enshrine my gohonzon. I was so excited. She had so much personality, and was so welcoming. As we walked through the halls of the hotel in which the meeting was being held, she was being pulled in every which direction. People calling her name, wanting hugs, confirming plans from toso, to meetings , to going out for drinks. She chatted me up, and came over to chant. I was enamored by her, and wanted to be just like her. As I stated to go to more youth meetings, I felt more like an outcast than ever. These kids has all known eachother their entire lives. Best friends existed within the groups. They saw each other all of the time due to their parents practice, and their nonstop meeting attendance. These kids had years to build these bond, and they expanded over generations. I was on my own. No parents in the practice, just a new girl, trying to fit in. Now, I wont say I had no friends, but, they were only ever willing to be that as long as I was practicing. No real bonds or connections. Just the occasional "Let's get coffee" that was actually just a home visit. Personal talk was only welcome as long as it pertained to my practice. Once I became a leader, I thought that would all change. Thought I'd start to fit in more, but that's when I was excluded the most. These girls were the Buddhist elite. Born into the practice, handed leadership because of who their parents were. It was such a small community, that it was clearly all these people had In their lives. The titles and positions meant everything to them. Almost as narcissistic as ikeda himself. It was never about faith, it was about power, and I'd never be able to achieve what they had, or be welcome. I was just an outsider. It was made clear to me that my presence was only welcome with practicing. Brittany was a chapter leader, but became our Region leader. I was never cool enough for her, and once my best friend started to practice, she was one of the chosen few that was welcome into the circle of real friendship. I would find out that the girls had hung out after the meeting, after it was over and I'd already left. If I was invited to the occasional superbowl party or lunch, I was almost always put on display. For instance, one day, we'd all gone to lunch. About 10 of us. If ordered a sandwich that came with ranch, but asked for it to be replaced with blue cheese. I cant stand the taste of ranch, and of course, that's what I got. I informed the waitress, who argued that she's told the kitchen, and there was no way that ranch was on it. I nicely told her I could taste it, and she went to switch it out. Brittany made a scene. Going on about how I just should have eaten it, and at a resturant, you need to just eat what they put in front of you. Why did I make such a big deal out of it, and how DARE I inconvenience that poor waitress. In front of everyone, and this went on for at least 10 minutes. Then, I was rushed to finish because I started eating later than everyone else. Mind you, Im about 17. I dont have alot of money for things like this, and dammit, if I'm paying, I'd like it to be right. That's how it ALWAYS was. No one ever came to my aid, because they were all lifelong friends. I'd get poked fun at, or told that I didnt know what I was talking about when it came to the practice, or anything for that matter. When I'd call out how mean brittany and her gang were being, I was told I was too sensitive, and I needed to get over it. Being told I'm too sensitive is a trigger for me to this day.I was never unfriendly, dramatic, cruel, or did I ever try to command attention, I just wanted to fit in. The youth that were nice to me were SGI all the time. Not real friends, just leaders. I was always made to feel like me being an outcast was because I want attending enough meetings, trying hard enough, meeting new people. But there are no new people to meet when your 16 and all od your peers have all been members their whole lives. Anyway, not sure where this was going. Judt wanted to share another aspect that always bothered me, and was a main reason for my departure. Once I became an adult, I made more friends that I thought were real, but, once I started to pull away, I never heard from those people until it was may Contribution, or they were just trying to drum up attendance for something. You let people into your life, but, you still dont matter to them. I wish I were as eloquent as some of the other posters here, but hey, did my best. Thanks for reading.