I. THE INTRODUCTION (they say openings are oh so important)

WARNING: most of you will not fit these requirements. Stop reading now.

Still here?

Had to look, didn’t you?

Heh. Okay. Brace yourself and you might want to get some movie theatre popcorn before reading. This is a long ad because I want something specific and most of you are not going to fit it so don’t be offended.

BTW, if you’re as dumb as bricks but drop dead gorgeous, reading this might hurt your itsy bitty little head, pookie. LOL Okay, that should have stopped the dumb people.

II. DREAM GIRL (“To sleep, perchance to dream”)

NAME THIS QUOTE: “To dream the impossible dream.” Okay, onward:

YOUR APPEARANCE: You need to be slim (i.e. dress size of 8 or less; probably less and as you’re busty the lower part of your body is probably less than a dress size 8 . .. some special exceptions apply if you’re slender and really busty . .. dress size 8 is pretty much the limit unless you have some very special exception and being big boned doesn’t count. HA!) with good skin, good teeth and a very pretty face. Your hair color is optional. Your legs should be shapely. Bonus if long. Flat tummy. Nice bone structure all around. Thin back with the spinal bone showing is a bonus. Shapely ass. Race optional but white or white-looking is preferred. Did I leave anything out? LOL

Men hit on you a lot and the ones who want to be your friends usually want more. Don’t blame them, blame their Creator. Heh. Looks up to dodge a lightning bolt from the heavens.

And, you obviously like being this way, don’t you? You probably get a thrill walking into a room and having all the guys look at you, yet, you get off from misleading them more than accepting their numbers because you don’t respect them. In fact, you dress more to compete with the other women at the clubs than the men because men are easy. Damn, I’m revealing all the female secrets here, aren’t I?

If you’re older then you’ve probably had some work done but don’t make any apologies for it . . or, maybe you just have good genes. Lucky you. Unlike many women, you don’t have a problem looking good and expressing your sexual power. And, if you are older than me, you shouldn’t have a problem telling me your age in the first email, right?

BTW, if you got angry reading this, then, you’re not for me and kindly move on. From my vast experience, the type of women I like are hot, know it and have no problem being judged on it because they know they pass up the rest of the herd. If you have mixed feelings, keep reading.

Oh, and if you’re very pretty but dumber than DUMB AND DUMBER, here’s where you don’t make the cut as we explore .

III. SHE MUST HAVE SUBSTANCE, TOO

YOUR PERSONALITY: What about your personality? Aha, thought this was just about looks, huh? LOL Well, you need to be fun and not a pain in the ass and sexually open, preferably submissive in the bedroom . . . although, you may like a friendly and intense struggle before submitting. Vocal is good. Multi-orgasmic is even better. Don’t be afraid of your sexuality. That’s why we’re all here.

Be a giver, not a taker. Be calm rather than angry. Know how to work out disagreements rather than shut down or go into Screaming Sicilian mode. It goes without saying, but, some people don’t’ get it, so, I’ll type it again: a confrontational reply will make a very poor impression.

I think it also goes without saying that you’re reliable and keep your word. Lastly, don’t’ forget the title of this ad: BRAINIAC . .. smart . .. intelligent. You don’t have to be rocket scientist level but you need to get things.

For the benefit of the uneducated, let’s explore this more: have you read any books about philosophy (i.e. baby books don’t count), History, mythology or any other type of deep thoughts products? No, Jack Handy from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE doesn’t count. Heh. Have you taken growth classes or studied relationships?

That said, this isn’t just about being academic smart. I have known women who were curious to learn more and taught me knowledge of their own (i.e. Buddhism and the like), so, understand there are different types of intelligence.

Lastly, looking back on your previous lovers, how did it end? If you have a pattern of arguing with them and then breaking it off a prissy drama queen fit, guess what? I’m running for the hills and I have my track shoes on, too!!!!

NAME THIS QUOTE: “What happens when you have high standards? Answer: you get high results”.

IV. ABOUT THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

I’ve wrestled with the moon and lived to tell about it . . . I can make the right woman feel like she’s walking on clouds . .. I’ve kissed opulence and status but chosen to walk away from it for something grander . . . women always compliment me on my broad shoulder and overall appealing body; they play with my dark hair and gaze into my light eyes and can’t get over my extremely straight teeth . . .

I told a woman, who was out of town, that I once made a woman cum over 25 times in a six hour session. It was beyond her paradigm scope and she wanted me to prove it to her. So, I made her orgasm 14 times by phone and she couldn’t fathom what it would be like in person. I made her orgasm even more in person and she begged me to keep her, but, I left her because she lied to me, as well as to herself . . . I have traveled a good part of the world and even lived overseas for a period of time . . . my words have made maidens swoon and enemy knights duel me to the death; they all lost . . . I’ve made women so happy that they wake up the next day smiling and happily go to a job they originally hated . . .

I’ve taken the lights from rainbows to share its glory with the world but then I’ve also taken the dark side of the moon to unleash doom on the unworthy . .. I know a great deal of the world; more so than most people would ever know in 85 years of a lifetime because they never picked up a book after school . . . my future woman shall feel not only loved but cherished and special . . . I’ve sent home former homecoming queens because they looked only to the financial status of people rather than their character . .. I have lived a life of privilege and having been exposed to high status rich people, I choose to judge them on their character rather than their toys; most people lack the depth to understand this belief system . . .

I have been through fire and ice, and, if I so choose, I shall return to those barriers to accomplish my goals . . . I have done the impossible when others told me it was not possible, and, then, when I did it, those who spoke ill lied as they told me they knew I could do it all along . . . I don’t suffer time wasters or those who try to treat with second class behavior . . . I steer clear of pessimists and negative thinkers because they will always remain small minds, holding one another back . . .

I laugh at those who read this and hurt their heads and then get angry at me; they just don’t get what it means to live a higher life and purpose . . . I’ve told people they’re as limited as they allow themselves to be; some get it and some do not . . . I’ve flown in my dreams and tasted prophecies that may even come to pass . .. women have been lost in my eyes during lovemaking . .. and, I realized only a minuscule fraction of women replying will fit my ad so more judging will be necessary.

NAME THIS QUOTE: “Life will pay any price you ask of it”.

V. PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW (name this quote)

CONCLUSION: pictures and a well-written are the only chance you have of getting a reply. I spent almost three hours composing this, so, you can write for at least a half hour, right? If not, don’t expect a reply.

Besides, I think I’ve been soft on the women replying. Several have tried to get me to send my pics first (the nerve! Lol) or just want an email friend because they know I would never want to be around them in person. Well, that’s what I get for being a nice guy, so, now it’s time to come down hard. No pics, no reply (i.e. notice the plural usage). If you won’t show yourself, you probably lack the courage to fall in love with a great guy, too. Let me say that again for people who aren’t paying attention: NO PICS, NO REPLY (i.e. again, notice the plural usage). BTW, let’s be clear on another thing: sending pics means showing your full length self, not just your head or your left hand. LOL Don’t ask.

One liners, confrontational drama kings/queens and overall dumb people will be laughed at and then deleted.

Laughing is a higher form of living which these people will not understand. Per Wayne Dyer’s comments, if you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. If you squeeze the angry and bitter people, you get anger and bitterness. My words set them off because they have not learned to control this part of their life. If I was religious, rather than spiritual, I would pray for their tarnished souls.

Peace out and maybe I’ll hear from you if you’re truly what I seek. Also, don’t be shocked if you see this ad posted multiple times as most women don’t read past the first six pages of ads and a regular CL girl is probably what I’m not seeking. Don’t feel bad in reading this if you don’t fit it, the woman I’m seeking is going to be about 1% of the population.

I’m sure some very insecure women will try to attack me on the forum because, well, they don’t have lives. Don’t expect me to defend myself. It’s all drama and the girl I’m seeking won’t let the opinions of small minds affect her destiny with me. You can lead your life up to the stars or let someone else run it for you. Most choose the mediocre latter.

FINAL QUOTE TO NAME: “Your future is created by what you do today not tomorrow.”

So if you felt a jolt at the completion of this ad what are you waiting for?

Signed,

The Man of Your Dreams

P.S. I get a lot of replies but I can tell most of the girls didn't read my ad. Put CULTURED in your subject header to show you did read it. If I don't see that in the header I won't bother opening your email. Also, some previous women have complained that they sent me a fully email with pic but got no reply so I have no issue if you try a second time a day or so later. Third, I had to change the writing style a bit which makes it flow a bit less and that's the fault of Reddit.