I'm white, 5'6, 130lbs, slightly fit, averagely attractive (imho), and introverted (INT-J), with brown hair and garbage eyesight. I'm an extremely accommodating and affectionate man, and I'll be an obedient husband. I'm seeking a dominant woman aged 18 to early 30s, living within four hours from Livermore. I'm not interested in hookups, online relationships, or non-monogamy. I'll send SFW pics first if you can send your own in response.

Your needs, wants, comfort, and satisfaction will be my obsession. I like driving and I want to make myself convenient for you, so if you allow me to, we'll meet in your town and I'll drive us wherever you want while you control the music and AC. All I ask is that you're available all day and that we generally split the costs. Unless you tell me to take the lead, I'll follow you and do as you say. We would hopefully end the day snuggling somewhere cozy while watching cat videos or just talking. We can cuddle in the back seat of my car or on your bed, or on mine if you happen to live nearby. I'm normal and can be trusted with knowledge of where you sleep. You will be the sole instigator of physical contact. I won't try to pressure you into or suggest doing anything sexual, though in this post I'll get into what I'd do if you made the suggestion.

I'm generally a people pleaser, but when it comes to you, that would be an understatement. I love the idea of serving a woman who will let me cater to every desire she has, as long as she isn't just selfish and she expresses her appreciation for me. You can have nearly full control over joint decisions as well as some decisions that would typically be mine to make, like what I wear, but I'm not looking for a TPE dynamic. I want to generally feel equal, respected, and autonomous. I want to be your best friend most of the time, and your enthusiastically submissive servant whenever you ask for something.

About me:

I'm into animals, programming, crimes, piano, shooting, and cycling. Most of that is untrue. I write a program once every few months. I bought a decent piano years ago and have been procrastinating learning how to play. I don't even own a bicycle anymore since the one I stole got stolen. Rather than having hobbies, I have fixations that last a month but that I think about returning to constantly for years, like game development, 3D modeling, music creation, lock picking, mechanical tinkering, or card counting. The only consistent hobbies I have are watching youtube, eating the skin off my lower lip, and imagining how great everything would be if I was the president. I would not show mercy. I currently spend most of my time stacking paper and talking to myself.

I used to be a cringe gamer. I'll get back into it if you need a subby pocket medic who calls you Mommy in voice chat :3. I like nature but I really only go outside to go to work. I like trying new things, but I'm not motivated to go out alone. I'm into bands like AM, CWK, FOB, GA, ID, Joywave, Muse, RHCP, The Strokes, and TOP. I absolutely LOVE speeding, especially at night, on foggy or rainy winding rural roads, while extremely tired and singing along to TOP. I'm very organized and sanitary. As a radical introvert, I never choose to be around other people. I'm socially awkward, yet I was able to swallow a hot dog in front of all of my coworkers, so anything is possible. I only drink socially, which means rarely. I've never done drugs, but I'll try anything once. I have two cringe associate's degrees, but I'll get a bachelor's in something at some point.

I will touch any wild animal that lets me get close. Birds that let their guard down will be yoinked. I relocate insects that get inside if they're cool enough. I had a lengthy conversation with an injured seagull. The ungrateful cunt bit my face even though I was being so nice to him. I drove him to a wildlife sanctuary and gave him to the only other guy who apparently doesn't hate seagulls. I'm currently trying to catch the stray cats at work by placing a can of sardines under a box that's propped up on one side by a stick. I'm waiting for them to get comfortable before I yank on the string attached to the stick, causing the box to fall and trap them underneath, at which point I'll hand feed them the remaining sardines and take them home. I think dog food smells good. Dolphins were always my favorite animal, and I won't denounce them for being a little freaky.

About you:

I'm only interested in dating a potential life partner, so our values need to align. I need complete agreement on any beliefs that actually affect how we live our lives. I'm an atheist/agnostic, so I'm not looking for anyone who's avidly religious. I'm fine with spirituality if it's a minor part of your life, but I'm not going to church or sending my kids there. I voted for the orange fascist, and I'm only looking for a fellow fascist, centrist, or someone apolitical. I don't talk about politics publicly because I want to get along with everyone, but privately, I'm very annoyed by wokeness. I don't agree with the Republicans on everything. For example, while I hate Democrat politicians and the media, I hate fetuses much more. Sometimes I get so angry while thinking about fetuses that I have to take my revolver out of my desk and grip it really tight for a few minutes until I calm down. I'm also no longer homophobic thanks to all of the gay furry porn I've watched, though I would need you to be on the right when it comes to most other social issues.

The most important thing about you is that you're loyal. I don't want to hear from you if you've ever cheated or have even considered cheating. I honestly think that adultery should be a crime. Earning a person's undying trust and loyalty just to betray them by doing the main thing you promised not to do is just evil. Polyamory and cuckoldry are also not up for consideration and never will be. I know what it means when someone suggests opening up a relationship. You should be disgusted by the idea of sharing your partner or making him watch from the closet as a much more attractive and virile man shares inside you and makes your partner lap it up like a thirsty dog.

You need to be nearly as intelligent as me. The internet said I have an IQ of 135, which puts me in the 99th percentile. I don't expect you, as a woman, to be that smart, but you need to at least be able to decipher one of my secret languages and watch movies without needing me to explain the plot.

You need to be willing to communicate at all times. If there are no major incompatibilities between us, I believe we can solve all disagreements through respectful and healthy communication. I'm open minded and always willing to consider any sincere thoughts you want to share with me. I'll always be straightforward about how I feel, and I'll only keep two secrets. I never intend to lie, though I find it hard to be brutally honest, and I'm not passive aggressive. I would expect all of the same attributes from you.

My only body requirements are that you're female and generally below 180 lbs. If you're tall or muscular, you may be healthy above that number, but it's already officially overweight at my height. I'm more shallow than I seem, and I'll politely reject any BBWs who message me. I don't care about cup size, height, hair color, or whatever, though if you're a tomboy who could pick me up and place things out of my reach, I'll pant and say awooga as my eyes pop out of their sockets and steam comes out of my ears. I don't care about race as long as you don't mind me being racist. White women have been a scourge on society and a disaster for the human race, but when I imagine having a partner, I imagine her being like me, or just being me. Honestly, if I could clone myself, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't even need to swap the gender. I'm not gay, but I can appreciate a breathtaking 10/10 cock when I see one. I'd also love to beat the clone to death with a hammer. If you end up being the lucky lady who ensnares me, you'll understand. My point is that I have a preference for the dreaded white woman, despite her many, many flaws, but I'm open to anyone.

It would be great if you're into fitness or just going outside for whatever reason. I'd like to regularly accompany you to rock climbing gyms, shooting ranges, trails, tennis courts, or whatever you can think of, and we could be each other's motivators at the gym. I think watching sports is cringe, but I'd participate and probably dominate because I'm naturally better than everybody else. I don't do any of that shit currently, which is why I'd like it if you did. Someone has to be the one to drag the other outside.

I'd love to belong to a badass woman who would join me to investigate a noise in the middle of the night, mag dump the intruder as he's running away, reload and mag dump his lifeless body for good measure, and liquify him with acid. It would be so hot if you could pay the bill at a restaurant without tipping, because tipping is stupid but I'm a huge pussy who's afraid of shame. You should also love creatures and be willing to touch them with me. I'd prefer if you aren't afraid of insects and you let the spider chill at the corner of the ceiling, but I'll put any bugs outside if you need me to. Ideally, we would both like the same music and you can tell me to shut the fuck up when I start singing.

Long term:

The whole point of dating for me is to eventually get married. I'd wait at least a year, and I have no problem with you proposing. I don't believe in saving sex for marriage. I think it's an outdated idea that drives horny Christians into shitty marriages, but I'd happily wait for months if you want me to. I don't care about my last name, so I'll gladly take yours. I actually don't care about my first name either, so you can pick a new one for me if you want.

My dream is to own a small house on a few acres with a bunch of animals, complete with the perfect woman who will always know that I love her and am so happy to belong to her. I'll be realistic, but I want cats, a husky, fish, chickens, ducks, goats, and bees. I'm not talking about a whole ass farm, just a nice variety of pets, some of which I can suck nourishing secretions out of. I also want a shooting range and a vegetable garden. All of our trees will bear a different fruit. I'm not planting any cringe trees that take our water and give us only dead leaves and worthless oxygen in return. We could also just live in a suburb if you want, since that all seems like a lot of work. Regardless, we will only have grass if it serves as goat food, which is my biggest requirement of all. Lawns are for boomers, and they're fucking stupid. I'm not wasting water just to make the grass grow so I can cut it back down every week. We'll have moss, and that's final. Moss and I are a package deal, so If you don't like moss, I don't like you.

I want kids. I'd like to adopt, but I don't want the government up my ass because you shouldn't have to share it. We could make a few or just steal newborns from people who don't deserve them, then say they came out of you. I'll get a vasectomy at any point after marriage when we've decided to cease production. I'd never consider having you use any kind of birth control that you don't like using. When we have kids, we're not just gonna give them brainrot machines so they leave us alone. I want to actually be a good parent, so I'm gonna feed them supplements and make them expand the vast tunnel system under our house, to build character. I'm not looking for a woman who already has children.

I don't have a solid idea of how much each of us should work. It would be nice if we could both work part time. If I'm going to be the provider, I'd want you to work part time at least until we have kids. If you already have a career and you want a stay at home husband, I'll work part time while also being your trad malewife. I'll wear a maid outfit while I clean the house and you can beat me if dinner isn't ready by the time you get home. Regardless, you can control the finances if you're good at saving and investing.

Love languages:

I've never been in a relationship so all of this is theoretical. All of the love languages make me feel fuzzy, but physical touch is my favorite. You can invade my personal space whenever you want. You can wait until we get comfortable or break the ice by sneaking a finger up my ass. If you want to cuddle, don't hesitate, because I do too. We can spend hours cuddling and I'll beg you to stay a little longer when it gets late. I'd appreciate any small physical interaction, like if you held my hand while I'm driving or hugged my arm while sitting next to me. I'd love it if you invited me to lay down next to you and rest my head on your lap as you slowly pet me and run your fingers through my hair. I'd also love to come to you from behind, wrapping my arms around you as I rest my chin on your shoulder. I like being submissive while cuddling, but I'll happily take up any position that lets us sink into each other.

I'd love to provide unprompted acts of service to let you know that you're always on my mind. I'd do chores for you, show up with your favorite drink, learn how to massage you, or really do whatever I think will make your day better. If you end up working more than me, I'll be your assistant and I'll make sure you're completely free of all other obligations. I'll do anything I can to ease your pain and help you relax during your period. It's so cringe that you have to deal with that. If the Christians are right, that dumb bitch Eve is gonna catch these hands the moment I see her, that fucking cunt.

I'd give you gifts, but only thoughtful ones. I think cut flowers and diamonds are stupid. I don't like wasteful traditions, so don't expect an expensive wedding ring from me. If you propose, I don't want you wasting our money on an expensive ring either. I'm saving money to buy us a house, not a rock. Still, I'd love to give you meaningful gifts, without being limited to the few days every year when I'm expected to. I'd probably save them to surprise you with after a bad day.

Affirmation makes me super uncomfortable because I feel like I never deserve it, so you should force me to get used to it. I want to erase any stupid insecurities you might have, and I want you to convince me that you're glad I exist. Every morning I'd let you know that I'm thankful to have you next to me, or that I wish you could be next to me if you're not. I'd express my gratitude whenever you do something for me, on top of regularly expressing my appreciation of your company.

I want to spend as much quality time with you as possible. For me, it's sad to try new things alone. I think new experiences are better when they're shared with someone special. I want to go everywhere and try everything with you, then have long conversations that go on for hours after we say we should be asleep.

Consent:

You deserve to always feel safe and to have complete control over your own body. You deserve to have all of your boundaries respected and you shouldn't need to make a guy slow down because he's crossing one. I also want to feel safe and respected (though not always in control), so I'd delight in the opportunity to give you my consent for anything intimate. I think it's really sweet and sexy to let your partner know that you care more about making them feel safe and listened to than you do about wanting to fuck. You don't need my consent to grab my arm or something, but I won't touch you at all before getting yours.

You're all but guaranteed to get a lengthy cuddle session with me if you ask, even if it's the first thing you ask me, but I won't be bitter if you never do. If we agree to meet, I feel entitled to not being stood up, but to nothing more than that. I'll understand if you need more than one date before you go somewhere private with a guy from the internet or if you leave early because you just don't like me. If you do decide to initiate any kind of touching, I'll be so diligent in getting your consent to touch you back that you might get annoyed. I'd be excited for the day when we could fully belong to and trust each other, but until then I'll actually cry if I feel like I made you feel afraid or disregarded.

If you tell me beforehand that you want our first date to be platonic, but you predictably start getting carried away due to my flawless body and unmatched rizz, I'll kill the momentum and give you time to consider whether things are moving too fast for you. I don't want you to regret anything that happens between us. There's always next time to decide that we should go further, especially if we've been drinking. I'm not a male feminist, but men who think with their dicks are cringe. I genuinely don't want to have sex with anyone who isn't super enthusiastic and completely sure that they want me.

Sex:

God damn, this section takes up half the post. How embarrassing. It gets progressively more graphic, so you should skip to the conclusion if you feel like you've read too much, but I know you'll read the whole thing. You women are all the same. Anyway, I'd wait patiently if you wanted me to, but you should know about some of this stuff to make sure we're compatible.

My hard limits are the obviously gross stuff, severe sadism, findom, ageplay, cuckoldry, and polyamory. Please stay away if you're into that stuff. If you're willing to be in a monogamous relationship, but polyamory or cuckoldry appeals to you even a little, then I'm not interested in you. If you tell me on our 10 year anniversary that you've secretly always wanted to see me in a diaper, I'm leaving with the kids. I also don't like humiliation, degradation, chastity cages, or TPE. It's okay if you see some appeal in those, and we could try them out, but I don't think I'd ever want them to be a regular thing. I think anal is gross, but if you wanna don the strap I'll bounce on it and moan like a girl. I know there's a lot of jokes in this post, but that isn't one of them. I WILL let you fuck me with the strap, and I WILL moan effeminately. I'd prefer that it's a bad dragon strap, because getting fucked with a human dick sounds a little gay.

You should already be able to tell that I want everything to feel loving and comforting. I'm not into the classic BDSM aesthetic of leather, whips, bruises, and medieval looking restraints. My fetishes are gentle femdom, somewhat less gentle femdom, foreplay, edging, orgasm control, overstimulation, teasing, begging, praise, cunnilingus, creampies, breeding, body worship, aftercare, and mommy/mistress/puppy/good boy talk. As you can see, I have the best fetishes. I'm not into any porn-brained, weirdly specific, unattainable shit, as many guys are, aside from furries. I was clearly born in the wrong generation, because if I lived in the future and there were genetically modified animal people, I wouldn't be fucking with you filthy, ugly ass primates. I'm not gay, as you know, but I'd fuck a fit fox guy way before considering a human woman. Anyway, I'd like to experiment with bondage, pegging, choking, CNC, possibly light pain, and really anything else I haven't mentioned that doesn't make either of us feel unloved or inadequate. I'm incredibly turned on and motivated by involuntary reactions to pleasure like twitching, throbbing, moaning, muscle contractions, and facial expressions, and I'll be in heaven if you're capable of having many long, intense orgasms. I'm even more excited by signs of affection like nuzzling, eye contact, kissing, big hugs, and verbal affirmations.

I'm kind of demisexual with a low sex drive. I don't "mentally undress" women like all other guys apparently do. I've really never paid much attention to you people, and didn't start trying to date until somewhat recently. Surprisingly, my testosterone is slightly above the healthy range. I suppose my high IQ is what spares me from the silly primitive urges that all you filthy sex havers experience. I do get those feelings, but it's not a big deal to just go on with my day, and no amount of horniness is going to make me do something regrettable. I don't need sex, but it's fun, healthy, and a great way to bond, so I'd love to have a woman with a crazy high libido who can push me into the bedroom every day and drain me like a succubus. I wouldn't complain if you only wanted sex once a week, but I think I could keep up if you wanted it every day, and I'll take my time if I've got it to spare.

I'll always use full protection until we both get tested, with no compromises aside from kissing, which I'll do with unparalleled passion. I will gladly kiss, lick, nibble, grab, and caress every inch of your skin. I don't have any STDs, and I don't plan on having any to share with my future soulmate. I'll get tested too even though I know I'm clean, because you deserve to have that peace of mind. Until then, I'd do as you say while staying safe. If that sounds boring, our second date can be at a clinic. We can hold hands while they draw our blood and you can comfort me because I'm afwaid of needles. Within a week, I could be eating your pussy like it's peanut butter. I gained 15 pounds over two months because I was eating a scoop of peanut butter with every meal, ergo, by analogizing your pussy to peanut butter, though absent the calories, I'm suggesting that it would get ate often.

If we have sex within the first few dates, your cuddles, affirmation, and company are all I would need in terms of reciprocation. Honestly, I'm a little scared to put my dick in someone before having a solid feeling that they matter to me. I can't allow some floozy to steal my penis purity, but I'm more than comfortable with the thought of giving oral pleasure. If I like you, I'll be excited to thank you for your time in any way you want for as long as you want. If you just hold me, encourage me, and instruct me, it will be enjoyable for both of us. I have no actual experience, but I'm apparently a good kisser, and I'll do exactly as I'm told. I'll humbly trust that you know way more than me about how you receive pleasure. I think you'll find it hard to believe that it's my first time. With all that being said, please don't lead me on just so you can use me for sex. If I'm gonna be your sex toy, I'll need to know that this is heading somewhere, because I don't plan on only ever giving pleasure forever.

As a service-oriented sub, providing service is my biggest turn on. I want to give you all the pleasure you deserve, so I'll be whatever you need me to be. I'm such a sub that I can act dominant if you order me to, but it feels right to be womanhandled. If you want me to do all the work, you can either command me or just moan louder when I'm doing something right. If you'd rather take full control, you can push me down and use me as your toy. You don't need to treat me super delicately. I'd love to feel your power over me as you move me into different positions. You don't need to ask before grabbing any part of my body and putting it wherever you want. My entire body would belong solely to you, and any part of it would meet any part of yours for as long as you want. I can beg desperately for reciprocation or just shut up and enthusiastically enjoy my role as your source of pleasure. If you want to focus on me, I'll beg for your permission to serve you first, unless you don't want me to. Since I'll belong to you completely, I'll only behave in the ways you want me to.

I prefer to earn my pleasure. You would have complete control over how I can do that. You can promise to reward me after I give you ten orgasms but you can always change your mind. If my hands ever leave your body and wander towards mine, you'll let me know that's an additional orgasm I'll have to give you, so I'll have no choice but to focus entirely on you as I leak precum and desperately thrust into the air. After five, I'll say "halfway there, right Mommy?" and you'll say "Huh? Sure puppy, if you keep being a good boy for me." I'll get more and more excited, then at ten, I'll ask if it's finally my turn. You'll say "Maybe if you beg for it like a good little puppy." I'll excitedly kiss you all over as I plead, and you'll say "Awww, you're so cute when you're desperate. Keep being a good boy for Mommy and maybe I'll let you cum later." I'll respond enthusiastically with "Yes Mommy, I love you" and give you a big kiss before getting back to work. Eventually, if you graciously decide to switch things up, you'll say "My good little puppy made his Mommy feel so good, I think he deserves a reward" and you'll definitely be able to tell how excited I am to know that I satisfied you. You can spend as much or as little time as you want keeping me on the edge. When I know I can't take it anymore, I'll beg for your permission to cum. Maybe you'll decide before then that you actually aren't ready to give me that release yet, and you just wanted to turn me into a complete mess before sending me back down between your legs. No matter how many times you move the goal post, I'll still love being the lucky guy who gets to do as you say.

While I don't want to wear a cage, chastity should be my punishment for failing to make you feel 110% satisfied. If my efforts are ever somehow insufficient, which would be based solely and rightfully on your opinion, we should skip my orgasm and go straight to aftercare. Making you cum on my face before falling asleep in your arms would be a great end to any day. I like shooting ropes as much as the next guy, but I want to know that when you call me a good boy and give me my release, it's because I truly earned it by being everything you need. To be clear, I don't anticipate that I'll leave you at all unsatisfied very often, but if I ever do, that would be a great opportunity to prove that my pleasure must be earned.

If you'd prefer to comfort me instead of doing the female superiority thing, that's just as good. I'll offer to satisfy you first, but you can assure me that I've already earned my reward by being yours. You can ride me slowly as you hold me and softly tell me that you'll always be there for me. I'll tell you I love you and you'll say "Shhhh, I know you do. You're such a good boy, just relax for me." I'll comply and lay there as you pet me and whisper things that make me feel completely and unconditionally loved. I'll whimper with every exhale, and you can call me cute and encourage me to cum inside you. I'll whine out "I'm getting close mommy" (or mistress or whatever you prefer to be called) and you'll grab my hands and say "It's okay. Let it all out for Mommy. Good boy, I love you so much. You're my perfect little pet and I'll always be here to make you feel better."

I hope that, like me, you're aroused both by the idea of me being yours to exploit and being yours to nurture. If I've had a long day, your mommy instincts should drive you to comfort me. When you're justly establishing your dominance over me instead, I don't want to be insulted or made to feel worthless, rather, I prefer to be playfully teased, reminded that I'm there to satisfy you, and praised when I do. Regardless, I'd always be yours and I'd never consider not doing as you say.

I'd like to prove my trust and devotion in any way, like by being completely bound and gagged, unable to resist or even utter an objection. I'd love to be completely powerless, choiceless, and incapable of protecting myself. Knowing that I'm in your care, I wouldn't be afraid or nervous. You could do whatever you want to my body. You could edge me while I buck my hips in desperation, then use toys to overstimulate me while you watch me struggle and squirm. You could take off the gag and ride my face while a pool of precum forms on my stomach. You could force me to impregnate you. I like the idea of fulfilling my purpose by shooting my genes into the woman I was designed to mate with. I probably shouldn't actually pass on my short, socially anxious, stupid idiot genes, but we could pretend.

I'm genuinely not into feet. I may joke about sucking toes, but I also joke about being gay and sucking meaty cocks, and I only did that twice. I'm not into feet, but your entire body is beautiful and deserves to be worshiped, so I'll kiss yours. I just don't want to suck the sweat from your toes or get a footjob, because I don't have a foot fetish. If I did have a foot fetish, I'd like them a little sweaty from a short jog. You could shove them right into my face and I'd give them a big whiff and lick them from heel to toe, then I'd suck each toe for a full minute and trim your toenails with my teeth, but that's not for me.

Every single orgasm I have will require your permission. I will wear an invisible chastity cage made out of trust. Sex will start and end whenever you choose. I'll always be yours to lovingly use, but if you're not in the mood and you don't want me to try to get you into it because you're on your period or for whatever reason, I'll insist on waiting for you. Like my body, my pleasure should only exist for you. I never want to have an orgasm that you don't enjoy giving me. I think that almost all sexual pleasure should be given to you by your partner. Typically, that means only pleasuring each other, not oneself, while having sex, but that pleasure doesn't need to be physical. If you order me to touch myself or you like the idea of masturbating while I'm away and showing me what I'm missing out on, that's still deriving pleasure from each other. I'll never watch porn or masturbate unless you tell me to. You shouldn't watch porn of other people. I have no right to tell you you can't masturbate, but you know we would both enjoy it if you've been ready for hours by the time I walk through your door. If you drag me directly to the bedroom, I won't waste any time doing what I was designed to do.

I'm easy to turn on and I don't think I'll last very long, but I don't think that's a downside. During mostly-clothed foreplay, which is the farthest I've gotten, I'll leak through my pants and I'll be incredibly sensitive to any gentle touches on my thighs and abdomen. I honestly think I'd cum just from having my head grabbed and shoved down between your legs, where I could smell, taste, and pleasure you. I hope that sounds hot to you, rather than disappointing. I can cum many times, but even if I couldn't, my orgasm wouldn't stop me from continuing to do exactly as you say.

Dick stats: 6.5 or 7.25 inches hard (when measured by displacement or distance), 4 inch flaccid grower, 5.875 to 5.625 inches circumference from base to end of shaft, uncut gang, aggressive 40 degree upward curve (mystical, almost unheard of), 15 degree leftward curve, leaks like a faucet, has an extra hole, no refractory period, shaved (trying hair removal, pubic hair disgusts me), balls are 20x40mm (as measured with calipers), color is a healthy D29EA0 at the tip and CE8F70 on the shaft. Also, I have lots of CUM in my BALLS that I need to get rid of so you can have a bunch when you leave. It's all perfectly good, I just have too much!!!

Conclusion:

I don't see myself as a fetishist just because I'm submissive. If a woman is submissive, that's normal, but if a guy is, that's apparently "not an appropriate subject to discuss in the workplace" and I'm supposedly "fired" and "criminally trespassed from these premises". I'm not looking for a kink dispenser, and I hope that the extensive detail in the previous section doesn't imply that I am. I'm just hoping that putting everything out there will help you decide if I'm worth messaging. I want to have a good time with you at whatever pace you're comfortable with. I welcome whatever fun activities you have in mind, like going back to your place to cuddle and pet your dogs (please).

If you're interested, tell me about all the things you think make us compatible, and whether you read all the cringe sexual stuff or skipped to the end at some point. Send me a good message with enough information about yourself so that I can easily respond to it. Don't make it anywhere near as long as this, because there are still a few things to get out of the way, and I don't want to waste your time. If we're not compatible or you're too far away, but your goofy ass read this whole post anyway, I'd appreciate any critiques you could offer. We could chat a little about femdom or FLRs, but I don't need online friends.