Ahoy, matey! 🏴‍☠️

Are you a pirate who likes to dive into the treacherous waters of Muff? Have you had enough sea adventures to have earned a peg leg or at least missing tooth? Does the idea of an impending plunder for booty inspire a wolfish grin, salivating about the gold buried deep within secret spots? Have distinguished queens beknighted your filthy, criminal ass because all she could say was "Gat damn!"?

Well, I am a forbidden underwater creature that wants some kissing, her pussy ate and played with, and a massage. A simple girl, really.

My expectations are we would message a little and make a date to get to know each other over a drink. If chemistry works there, we would go further with non reciprocal oral and some cuddles. If vibes don't line up - no harm, no foul.

Me: 39F, dark hair and eyes, mixed ethnicity/white presenting-ish, 5’2”, 125 lbs. Petite with curves, kinda resemble Oona Chaplin. Single, professional, and I live in the city but not alone. I have lots of interests and I enjoy a glass of wine with good company. I value kindness. I like occasional power dynamics in bed, but not for this round. Although, I do have a plush new rug in my room that will be comfortable when you hit your knees should you get to see it one day.

You:

• Respectful, communicative, and honest. Consent focused. A stable human. I don’t require a full BFE, but you need to be confident and can hold a stimulating conversation.
• Sensual with hands and mouth and enthusiastic about muff. Down for the journey and not the destination.
• DDF, have up-to-date STI results.
• Should be able to host in a private space. Live in SF ideally, or just outside (not San Jose, Concord, Sacramento, etc).
• Single. No couples. If you’re partnered and ENM, everything should be above board without drama in your arrangement. Out of town travelers are considered on a very case by case basis.
• Any ethnicity. Age is flex, late 20’s to mid 40’s preferred. Attraction is subjective: HWP and face needs to be kissable. Fit bodies are great and all, but not a requirement. A nice smile won’t hurt ;) Facial hair is fine, but long beards are usually a no.
• In regard to women, curves are lovely and would be interested in exploring more with you. Saying it again for the cheap seats: No couples, no unicorn hunters.

**If you’re not single, or you have someone in your life that would be pissed off that you said you were single, do not respond. I’m minding my own business about your situation. You’re just not for me and please respect that.

Next steps: If this all sounds like you, send me a note about you, your location, what you’re looking for AND include your favorite dessert to eat…besides muff. Include a couple of clear, recent SFW photos of your face and body for efficiency. Can be clothed. I don’t need to see your dick, bro. I know this will likely fall on deaf ears, but my resolve is strong. I’ll do my best to respond, but if I don’t, it’s a no. Deleting and blocking messages that don’t meet criteria.

Good luck out there. May you have many more raids on the Muff Seas. While I hope you don’t drown, like a true pirate, I know you'll go down with the ship. Most of you don’t even wanna be saved.