Loyalty and devotion be damned. And with her BFF’s boyfriend of all things. I’m not perfect, but I work hard at being a kind, decent human, husband and father. Always faithful and true. I genuinely cared and let her have her way just about always. Guess I’m too nice, or eager to please. And that’s the thanks I get.
It’s been over a year and we are working it out. I was incredibly graceful and forgiving, but I also put my foot down. It’s been decent overall, and I don’t want to change my situation. But still I think about the passion and intimacy that she had—that he got to have with her, which still comes seldom to me.
In the immediate aftermath, the sex, connection and communication was damn good. I guess jealousy and scorn will do that. We are doing well at communicating and building connection. But still, sex has gone back to a subpar, once a month if I’m lucky routine. I’m not going to be pushy, or beg. But I value sexual connection in a relationship.
Prior to her infidelity, and post, she has brought up the notion that I should just outsource my needs. She’s also said she thinks it would be fun to have sex with other people—together or individually. Maybe she would want to watch, or be told about it afterwards. We talk about opening things up, but then she falls back on being unsure if it’s better as a fantasy as opposed to a reality, or that she just isn’t as into sex as me, and then blames me for having a sex drive, god forbid!
And all I can think about is how she got to have her fun, blow off some steam and fuck this other guys brains out while I sat home taking care of the kids, thinking she was having a rough day working late.
So yea. It’s my turn.
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