One day someone is going to see me sitting alone drinking a novelty Frappe at a chain I normally avoid and think “that’s it, that’s the one”. Until then…Reddit.

If the Matcha latte doesn’t ruin your panties I’ll finish the job. I propose a hike on Mount Sutro or one of those trails and monkeying around off trail. Points if you know how to avoid poison ivy. We’re all on a hoe phase or we wouldn’t be here, but that doesn’t preclude you from being girlfriend-material on the side. Making coffee for two is sexy, and I don’t always require novelty like this.

Ahem. Starting over. Eligible bachelor seeks full heart, ride or die, quirky AF. Screw it, I want to thoroughly enjoy your company, with clear unspoken chemistry we verbally confirm anyway, cause words are also sexy and sluttiness is exponentially better when real desire is present. I like couplings that aren’t obvious. I’m sexy as fuck and attract likewise beings. It’s cool, that might not be you.

Is this where I describe my above average looks, shocking calves, dry sense of humor, and convince you I’m safe and sane while interesting enough to get you off? Odd and perplexing human beings are your type?

I’m not just a smart ass, I’m outdoorsy if that means fingering you on the first hike, or kissing in public just to find out what it would be like together. I’m driven by music, no kids, no tats, no cats. Not that I dislike them, I’m just describing how much room in my life there is for you after our fling gets a season 2 renewal.

Okay, I don’t know where this is going. I’m introverted, and horny, rarely thorny, and white chocolate makes me chatty and horny times 2. You too? You really should jump on this, it’s a good thing. I promise not to treat you like a disposable person, which seems to be the norm on dating apps. I won’t give you an std or covid, or add to your dating disappoints. I might surprise you. Give me something to look forward to?