I'm studying psychedelic assisted therapy in Colorado and am diving deeper into a topic that is very personal to me.

My first sexual experience on lsd (my first time trying lsd) was incredibly profound for me. I confused the experience for magical, deep connection and love and I honestly committed my entire life to the woman in that moment (though I had only known her a couple weeks).

Her, being more experienced with it all, was not as blown away. A couple months later, I had an engagement ring made for myself based on the experience (wood and meteorite symbolizing our stardust recombining as we had been in the big bang) and we got pregnant a few months later. There are other factors of course, but she was the first person I ever wanted to commit my life to, and she never felt as strongly about me. She left me about halfway through the pregnancy and in retrospect, that lsd experienced was something my psyche mistook for/confused with true love and fast-forwarded us in a way I never got to understand her ptsd (I didn't even know what those letters meant) and she didn't get to understand my Neuro-Divergency (so lots of misunderstanding).

I wanted a life and family with her and I was crushed as never before. I've since learned in my training that some kind of imbalance of impact is common with sexual activity between someone who has lots of experience with sex on drugs and someone who has none, but it's not spoken about enough. There's a huge power imbalance when you're introducing someone to these drugs for the first time, and that also is not addressed enough. I'm not usually the most impressionable person, but with sex/love/lsd, I would've been like silly putty in the hands of any beautiful woman, and some people are not going to use that power in a responsible way. My ex had way too much of her own needs unmet to be able to really focus on doing what was right for someone else.

I wish someone talked to me about this 5 years ago.