Currently reading a book by an MD who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (like me). In her account, she talks a lot about how in depressive episodes, she’s haunted by guilt, shame, and a sense of failure based on the high expectations she has for herself. She’s describing, in particular, how endlessly reliving the worst moments of her life (some things just being banal things like not handing in a report in on time in 7th grade). I found this fascinating (I mean: it’s gruesome, but from an SDAM-perspective it’s fascinating as hell), and so I wondered:

How do y’all’s depressive episodes work?

For me, when it’s really bad, I just lie there and stare at the ceiling until I can fall asleep again. I have no internal monologue, no mind’s eye, and no memories I could relive in a way she is describing. I’m sure my depression is still fed by something but I have no clue how to figure that out (at least I know I’ve never had high expectations for myself =D)

I’d really appreciate it if y’all could share your insights!