I have a sweet old man dog staying with me for a couple nights while his owners are out of town. He arrived last night, and like most dogs, he was a little nervous. He was actually seemingly doing better than most dogs, just poking around and staring at the door wondering where his family went. I tried to get him settled down by luring him into the other room, aka my bedroom, so he wouldn't just be right by the door the whole time.

Upon getting to the room, he started moving kinda funny, and the hopped on the bed. I looked at him and thought "why is he standing like he's gonna poop?" and then within half a second, I thought "oh shit, it's because he is." I jumped off the bed and tried to get him down, but obviously I didn't want to push him off or anything, because that would be awful. He has vision problems that give him poor depth perception, so he took a second scoping out the jump before doing it. Right as he jumped, a hefty turd fell out onto the bed, and with the bounce of the bed he cause, it launched off the corner, and onto the floor a ways away. He just trotted off into the living room to sit on the couch as I stood there in disbelief.

Thankfully, it was a completely solid poop, and I JUST bought some inexpensive bedding specifically for when dogs are here to avoid damage to my nice bedding. It's a synthetic material, so basically plastic and thus very hard to stain. I couldn't stop laughing, and then realized, hmmm, I should probably ask the owner about this. I weighed my options because I feel like it's a lot more embarrassing to hear that your dog pooped on the bed, but it also feels like an important distinction to be made because it's much more odd than pooping on the floor. I bit the bullet and messaged the owners just to ask if he gets nervous tummy or anything, and dropped the news. I made sure to let them know that it didn't cause any damage or significant mess, that their dog seemed fine otherwise, and that it was no big deal.

They were super apologetic and offered to replace the bedding, but I reiterated that the bedding was purchased with the sole purpose of protecting my actual bedding from dog messes, so it was unnecessary. I just gave them a vague reference to the fact that there have been much worse dog poop disasters in my home before, and that their dog was easy peasy otherwise.

I still can't stop laughing. The dog is truly just a funny little old man; sweet, quiet, and content, and also occasionally pooping somewhere he shouldn't because being somewhere new is confusing. This is definitely a sitting story that'll go down in history as a hilarious and almost fond memory. It's not just that he pooped, but the perfect timing of him launching his shit through the air with his jump, and how unbothered he was as he just wandered back to the couch.

Anyway, to any owners, please know that a lot of time this stuff is just hilarious. Obviously if there was damage it might be less funny, but your sitters know that dogs are EXTRA weird when they're somewhere unfamiliar with unfamiliar people, and many of them are prepared for it!

TL;DR: Old man dog pooped on my bed and promptly launched it across the room by jumping off the bed next to it.