So... here goes trying again.

A few unfortunate disclaimers out of the way though, to save both of us some time. The title hopefully explains well enough the sort of relationship dynamic I'm looking for. And at this point in my life, my life/career is kinda tied down in this part of the world. Wouldn't say I'm totally against the idea of relocating for a very special relationship, but it might be more practical to talk to ladies from my part of the world.

Given current circumstances, any potential relationship would probably have to start online - unless by some crazy fluke chance we live in the same city. But I'd like it to progress to real life reasonably soon if things click between us.

I know what I'm looking for is rare. But I also know I want it, probably more than any other particular thing in my life right now.

Actually, I'd say my life is pretty good overall. But I feel I'm kind of at the stage of life where I'd like to find a partner to settle down with. The thing is, I've dated a number of girls over the years. It was fun in its own way, but never totally fulfilling, because it wasn't the sort of relationship dynamic I know on a very instinctual level I want.

From a surprisingly young age, as long as I've been attracted to members of the fairer sex, I've always had the feeling, the intuition that I wanted my partner to be the one 'in charge'. While I'm hardly "submissive" in my day to day life, and don't think I come across as such, when it comes to romance, the more attracted I find myself to a girl, the more I find myself fantasizing about serving her, obeying her, doing whatever she wants. Which in turn makes me like her even more. A virtuous cycle if you will.

The problem is, in the parts of the world I've lived in have unfortunately tended to be rather socially conservative in some ways. So most people here don't even have a concept that this sort of power dynamic in a relationship is possible. Which I guess is what brings me here.

It's probably a long shot, but I figured I may as well try. I've never had this sort of relationship before, but I feel like it'd be incredible if I could find a lady truly compatible with me to love and serve and obey. To cultivate a relationship that, while mutually affectionate and loving, had a clear power dynamic where you were the one 'in charge' and I served you. To me, that seems a lot more fulfilling than an "ordinary" egalitarian relationship could.

So if what I'm describing here resonates with you at all, I'd love to hear from you. Maybe we click, maybe we don't; but it'd be really nice to be able to talk to someone who at least understands this dynamic on an instinctual level. And if it progressed to something more, even better. Please don't message me assuming we're already in a relationship with this power dynamic - I find that cringy, and would rather things developed naturally if they do. But at the same time I'm totally open to it, and would love it if you took charge and took initiative in our relationship from pretty early on if we connect well and things seem to go that way.

A bit about me:

• 32, male. Caucasian, despite my living situation. Around 184cm. My weight fluctuates a bit between 85-90 kg these days. Go to the gym pretty often and have fairly developed muscles. Been bulking a while and thinking of cutting soon. Brown hair, green eyes. Happy to send a pic after a few messages if you seem cool.
• INTJ/INTP. I find psychology fascinating although I don't have formal background in it. (I think if I went back in time, I'd have changed my college major to it). I particularly like Jung's model and find it useful in improving myself. Self-improvement is very important to me, and I hope it is for you too.
• Demisexual. So please don't send me overtly sexual content from the start. Unlike maybe 95% of guys, stereotypically, I'd find that annoying. I need to have a mental/emotional connection with a person first. And if we don't click on that level, this isn't going to work anyway.
• I work in education. Planning to go back to graduate school about 2 years from now and get a Ph.D. and then continue working in the field.
• I enjoy cycling a lot, as well as hiking and going to the gym, as mentioned above.
• I also really enjoy psychological horror and good science fiction. Thinking of writing a book one day. Should probably get started on that soon. Haha.
• Atheist, but I'm quite interested in meditation and esoteric philosophy. I don't meditate as often as I should maybe, but am quite fond of Chaos Magick (not really what it sounds like), Vajrayana, and Daoist styles. Probably closest to the psychonaut tradition and very much admire Alan Watts. I'm happy to talk with people of all religious/philosophical backgrounds so long as it's mutually respectful though. :)
• Really enjoy travel, and going a bit stir-crazy from COVID (and now Monkeypox?! OMG :'( )
• In a relationship, obviously I'd like you to be the one in charge. Probably would want it to look like a "normal" relationship to the world. But behind closed doors, you made most of the decisions. I think communication is very important in a relationship and we should both be aware of what the other wants and work towards that. But I think it'd be great if you had the final say in decisions, and generally expected me to obey you. It's something that would have to develop with time of course, but that feels most natural to me. I'm very service-oriented, and would love to do what I could to make your life more convenient and comfortable and pleasurable. Sexually too, I mainly get pleasure from giving you pleasure.

For what I'd be looking for in a partner:

• Somewhat close in age to me. Maybe 23 - 45 roughly. But not so bothered as long as we're within say half a generation or so of each other.
• E*F* Personalities have really nice synergy with me I find, but definitely not a must, just a plus. :)
• Hopefully in this part of the world. Or willing to relocate. Or possibly for me to relocate if things really work out.
• Not too strict on looks as this is more a psychological thing for me. But would prefer if you were at least somewhat active and valued being healthy.
• Hopefully at least a few common interests to connect over. Hard to really put into words.

That's about it. Thanks for your time and consideration if you made it this far. And if this resonated with you at all, I'd love to hear from you. :)