Warning: This shit takes 20 minutes to read, so probably just don't.

I'm white, 5'6, slim, kinda fit, 140lbs, average attractiveness imho, garbage vision, brown hair (currently short), hazel eyes, no tattoos, no piercings, sparse body hair, introverted, INTJ-T, and "inexperienced". I tend to push people away, and am very stoic in public, but I would like to find a special woman to be sensitive, vulnerable, and my true self with.

No long distance, no quick hookups. I'm looking for a gentle domme within a few hours' drive from Livermore for a strictly monogamous relationship. I'm cool with staying platonic for a while (if you agree that cuddling can be platonic), but we don't have to. I can send SFW pics right away if you can send your own in response.

I don't mind heading your way every time we meet. Driving is relaxing to me and I want to make this as convenient for you as possible. I'd love to pick you up and drive you around if you're comfortable with that. We can play your music while we're in my car. You could direct me to your favorite date spot, or we could go somewhere new for both of us. I'm always ready to try something for the first time. Personally, I'd like to go around to a few cool places. If we can't think of anything else, I suppose we could use my grappling hook to reach areas we weren't intended to, while probably falling from a roof and dying in the process. We would hopefully end the day snuggled up somewhere cozy. I keep my car clean and comfortable, so the back seat is always an option, or I can drive us back to my place, where I keep my queen size bed. It could go beyond that, which is 110% your call, and there's no rush.

On our first date, I'll drive to you, follow your lead wherever we go, and make decisions for us only when you don't want to. Your needs, wants, and comfort will be centered above all else, and I'll be taking mental notes on what I need to do to keep you happy. I expect no favors in return, except if I'm paying for gas, you're paying for dinner. I'm egalitarian on finances.

I might be a submissive guy, but I'm still looking for a partner who respects me as an equal. If we get serious, I'll continue to defer to you and trust your intuition, with the expectation that you take my opinions into account, because you love me. We would both have a say in major decisions. You should honestly want to serve me like I serve you, but understand that I'll be happier if I give more than I take, so you can relax. I'm not looking for a selfish woman - I'm looking for a woman who will truly appreciate what I would do for her.

About me / About you:

I'm into animals, alt rock (AM, CWK, FOB, GA, ID, Joywave, Muse, RHCP, The Strokes, TOP), programming, crimes, animations, shooting, piano, and cycling. If you're a gamer, we can play whenever we're apart. Since I'm the sub, I can be your pocket medic. I like the outdoors, though I don't care to make memories alone, so I don't go out much. My biggest hobby might be making people uncomfortable. I like to be vaguely threatening and unnecessarily hostile whenever I can, because it's funny. I don't drink often, but I will if I'm with a group and everyone's drinking.

I'm looking for a woman in her 20s who is intelligent, affectionate, cuddly, loyal, honest, non-dramatic, always willing to communicate, and who values health and hygiene. I have no intrinsic body requirements. I couldn't care less about cup size or hair color or whatever, though tomboys make me say awooga and make my eyes pop out of their sockets. Someone to work out with, or go shooting, hiking, or biking with would be great. I want a woman who would join me to check out a noise downstairs in the middle of the night, mag dump the burglar as he's running away, reload and mag dump him again, dissolve his body in a vat of acid, and pour him down the toilet. Shared music taste would be perfect.

You should love animals. I'll be in love if you point out nearby wildlife to me so I don't miss it. I will touch any wild animal that lets me get close. If it might have rabies, I will at least touch its tail. I try to snatch up birds that get too close because they're used to people giving them food. I relocate most types of insects that get inside. I can show you a 14 minute video of me holding and conversing with a seagull. It had a broken wing, so it couldn't escape me. I was being so nice, but the ungrateful cunt kept trying to bite my nose, and he succeeded. I drove him to a wildlife sanctuary and gave him to the only other guy who apparently doesn't hate seagulls. I'll get a cat as soon as I can.

I made a list of my own personal red flags and flaws. I hope you're still interested after reading it. You can tell me about all of your baggage too, if you want. I'm just doing it to sabotage myself, so unless you're also your own worst enemy, there's no need for you to try to scare me away. I'll only send it if you ask.

Beliefs:

For politics, if I was gonna vote (which I won't because voting is a scam), I'd vote Republican, easily. I have an opinion about parenting which will be a deal-breaker for anyone on the left. I disagree with a few standard conservative positions, like abortion, but I mostly despise the Democrat platform. I'd call myself a libertarian - I don't actually care about things I can't change or things that don't affect me, but I'd rather spend my life with a woman who sees eye to eye with me. Also, I don't care about other people being offended.

I'm an atheist, so I'm not looking for anyone who's avidly religious. I'm fine with spirituality or agnosticism if it's a minor part of your life, but I'm not going to church on Sunday or flipping a coin to determine whether we indoctrinate the kids.

Long term:

Half of my shirts are ironic graphic tees, but you can dress me up how you want. I'm not a femboy or a cross dresser, but I'll wear anything you put on me regardless. If you need someone to practice makeup or hair styles on, I'm down. I'll go out in public like that, I don't care. Whatever pet name you give me will go on the collar of my catboy outfit. The cat ears stay ON for my driver's license renewal photo. I could also modify my body and behavior in whatever way suits you. I'd do anything to become your perfect husband. I'd complete tasks to make myself more interesting, more athletic, more attractive in your eyes, a better lover, or in any way more worthy of being yours.

My dream is to own a small house on a few acres with a bunch of animals, complete with the perfect woman who will never doubt that I love her and am so happy to belong to her. I'll be realistic, but I want cats, a husky, fish, chickens, ducks, goats, and an adorable jumping spider. I'm not talking about a whole ass farm, just a nice variety of pets, some of which are useful. I also want a shooting range and a vegetable garden. All of our trees will be fruit trees. I'm not planting any freeloader asshole trees who take our water and give us nothing but dead leaves to rake up.

This is possibly my biggest requirement: we will NOT have a lawn unless we have goats to eat it. Grass is a stupid fucking boomer status symbol. I'm not cutting that shit every week just to waste water to make it grow back. We'll have moss, and that's final. Moss and I are a package deal, so If you don't like moss, I don't like you.

I want kids. Morally, I want to adopt, but I don't want the government up my ass, because my ass is all for you. We could just steal a newborn from someone who doesn't deserve it and say it came out of you. When we do have a kid, we're not just gonna hand them a tablet and give them brain rot so they leave us alone. I want to actually be a good parent, and invest myself in the littler fucker's education. I'm gonna inject them with vitamins and send them to the mines I had them dig under the house, to build character.

Love languages:

All of the love languages make me feel fuzzy, but physical touch might be my favorite. I'm ready to get close whenever you are. I'm so ready. You don't need to ask me at any point if I want to cuddle, because I'm telling you now to hold me and tell me to hold you, please. I still like to be submissive while cuddling. You can move me around and put me where you want me to make yourself cozy. Don't leave it up to me to remind you that I'm down to cuddle - just remember I said this and wrap your arms around me. We could do nothing but cuddle and make out for hours, and I'll still beg you not to go when it gets late. You could stay the night with me in your arms and I'll make you coffee and waffles in the morning. Fucking tell me that wouldn't be cute.

Providing acts of service is up there with physical touch. I just want to keep you comfortable. I want to do most of the chores as long as I have time. You can join me so we can get things done quickly and have more quality time together, but if only one of us is going to get our hands dirty, please let it be me. Even then, I want to be the one to wash my hands and give you a massage if you're feeling a little sore. The idea of making your life easy is so hot for some reason.

I love to give gifts, but only thoughtful ones. Maybe this is the time to say that I think cut flowers and diamonds are stupid. I'm looking for a woman who's practical, not materialistic or traditional. I hate wasteful traditions, like buying expensive wedding rings, and I don't like owning things that serve no purpose. I'm not gonna get to the point where I can buy us a house someday by wasting my money on dumb shit, but if I can give you something that will make you truly happy, that's never dumb. I'd love to receive thoughtful gifts from you, too.

Compliments make me super uncomfortable, because I feel like I don't deserve them. That would suggest that I don't want to receive words of affirmation, but if I trust you to always be honest with me, then I'd love to hear how you feel about me. Go ahead and shower me in compliments if I actually deserve them, and I'll always let you know that I appreciate you.

I want to spend as much quality time with you as possible. I want to go everywhere and try everything with you. When we're worn out from going everywhere and doing everything, I just want to be near you.

Consent:

My consent is basically always implied. You can grab or touch me anywhere, whenever you want. You can wait until we get comfortable, or break the ice by slipping a finger in my ass. I'll forfeit my own personal space to you. You can spontaneously draw on me, pet me, hold my hand, grab my arm and pull yourself into me, or beat me up and steal my car. Whatever you want to do to me makes me feel wanted.

With that being said, I will never cross the limits you set for me. Without trying to sound like a "nice guy", I couldn't possibly respect your consent any more than I do. If you end up hating me because I betrayed your trust, I'd hate myself twice as much. I will actually cry if I feel like I overstepped your boundaries and made you feel afraid or disregarded. I just want you to feel safe and valued when you're with me. It makes me really fucking sad to imagine a woman who allows herself to be vulnerable around me, just for me to take advantage of that. This is all just to say that I'm very cautious about consent, to the point where you honestly might get annoyed by it. Someday, ideally, our bodies would fully belong to each other.

I want you to set clear boundaries before we meet. If you tell me beforehand that you want our first date to be platonic, and you start getting carried away, I'll kill the momentum and give you time to consider whether things are moving too fast for you. I don't want you to regret anything that happens between us. Especially if we've been drinking, there's always next time to decide that we should go further. I'll never call myself a modern day feminist, but I think men are cringe when they jump at any opportunity to get their dick wet and make no considerations for how they might affect the other person. I'd rather have your trust and respect than have sex with you.

Sex:

I'm only on here, rather than a dating app, because dominant women are hard to find. I don't want to come off as a degenerate by putting fetishes at the forefront of my search, but I think it's fair to look for compatibility, so here's the sexy stuff.

My hard limits are the obviously gross stuff, feet, humiliation, degradation, *severe* pain, CBT, chastity, cuckoldry, forced bi, findom, ageplay, TPE, and polyamory. Please stay away if you're into that stuff, especially polyamory. If you tell me on our 10 year anniversary that you've secretly always wanted to use me as a toilet, I'm leaving with the kids.

I'll always use full protection until we both get tested. I don't have any STDs, and don't plan on having any to share with my future soulmate. No matter how much you insist, I won't trust that I won't catch anything from you. It's not personal, since I don't even know you exist yet. I'll obviously get tested too, even though I know I'm clean.

The rest of this post is explicitly about my sexual desires and sexual function. I feel like including it might undermine the "cute, wholesome relationship" thing I'm trying to advertise, so I'll just stress that we could be on our 10th date and I could be crazy for you, but I'll still be waiting patiently for you to make a move, and I won't hold your modesty against you. If you are curious, I put what I think would be more important to you first, so you could read until you've read too much. Otherwise, just skip to the conclusion now.

Dick stats: 6.5 inches hard, 6 inches around, uncut, curved, leans left, leaks like a faucet, has an extra hole, no refractory period, shaved (trying hair removal, pubic hair disgusts me), balls are 20x40mm (measured with calipers)

As a service-oriented sub, providing service is my biggest turn on. I can dom if you order me to, but it feels natural to be womanhandled. If you want me to do all the work, you can command me or let me respond to your body language. If you want to take full control, you can push me down and use me as your toy. My goal is to be whatever you need me to be in order to give you all of the pleasure you deserve. Any part of my body can meet any part of yours for as long as you command, and through it all, I'll be in ecstasy over the thought that you are too. I can beg for reciprocation or just shut up and enjoy my role. If you'd like, you can focus on my pleasure instead. I want to give more than I take in all aspects of our relationship, but since you're in charge, if you want to give, I'll never refuse.

I'm happy with anything we can do together. If you let me give you an orgasm, or five, but you're uncomfortable giving me one, that's ok. You don't need to feel guilty, as long as we can still cuddle afterwards. I'm not trying to portray myself as a pushover - like you can use me selfishly and I'll pretend to be okay. I just want us to bond at a pace we're both comfortable with. It doesn't have to be equal for it to be a positive experience for me, but you still need to convince me through your actions that you like me if you want me to come back.

As for more specific fetishes, I like gentle femdom, edging, orgasm control, overstimulation, teasing, begging, praise, cunnilingus, creampies, breeding, body worship, and mommy/mistress/puppy/good boy talk. I'm so incredibly turned on and motivated by involuntary reactions to pleasure, like twitching, throbbing, moaning, muscle contractions, and facial expressions. I'd like to try bondage, pegging, primal play, choking, CNC, and even some light pain (receiving, I don't want to hurt you), with someone I trust. I am interested in experimenting with anything I haven't mentioned that doesn't make either of us feel unloved or inadequate.

I love earning my own pleasure. I'd be disappointed in myself if my service wasn't good enough to warrant nurturing from you in return. If I fail to give you everything you want in bed, you should just leave me to come down anticlimactically and think about how I can better serve you next time. That will never happen, because I will impress you with my services every time. I'll know that when you call me a good boy and give me my release, it'll be because I truly earned it by being everything you need.

I did say I'm not into chastity, but I kinda like being teased with the threat of it. If I fail to make you feel fully satisfied, then I have failed to earn my own pleasure. I should keep count of your orgasms, and beg to be allowed to cum after only ten of yours, all while being reminded that it's completely up to you. If you're done, we're both done, but if you graciously decide that I've earned my own release, I'll be eager to let you know how thankful I am. I only ever get to cum because my wonderful, generous mommy/mistress (whichever you prefer) loves me enough to give me the opportunity to earn it.

If you'd prefer to comfort me instead of doing the female superiority thing, that's just as good. You could ride me as you hold me and softly tell me that you'll always be here for me because I'm your perfect boy. I'll tell you I love you and you'll say "Shhhh, I know you do. You're such a good boy, just relax for me." and I'll moan like a girl.

On the topic of things I'm not into but kinda am. I'm genuinely not into feet. I may joke about sucking toes, but I also joke about sucking dicks, and I only sucked dick twice. I'm not into feet, but they are a part of your body, and your entire body is beautiful and deserves to be worshiped, so I'll kiss them. I'm just not gonna suck the sweat from your toes or ask for a footjob, because I don't have a foot fetish. If I did have a foot fetish, I'd like them big and a little sweaty from a short jog, and you could shove them right in my face and I'd lick them from heel to toe, then I'd suck each toe for a full minute and trim your toenails with my teeth, but I'm not into that.

I'm probably the weirdest straight guy for saying this, but boobs don't excite me. I don't care a bit about how big they are, I don't seek them out, and I feel nothing when I see them on a screen. What I do like about them is the exclusivity and trust that is expressed by you revealing them to me and their usefulness in pleasuring you, which again, is my biggest turn on. I think anal is gross, so if you're not into it either, we can just never go there. I don't care about big asses either. When it comes to your body, I'm mostly excited by your face, your pussy, and your brain (cringe, I know). Still, while those parts are what spark my interest the most, I will gladly kiss, lick, nibble, grab, and caress every inch of your skin.

I'd categorize myself as slightly demisexual. Whenever I see a hot woman, I can recognize that she is conventionally attractive, but I've never been tempted to stare or "mentally undress" her, as all other guys apparently do. I am, however, turned on by the concepts of love and sex, and I know sex will be much more fulfilling after we've bonded emotionally.

I have high self control, and I could honestly go without sex indefinitely. My urges are really just suggestions, and are very easy to ignore. Still, sex is fun and healthy, so I'd love to have a woman with a crazy high libido, who can push me into the bedroom every day. I probably wouldn't initiate very often, but if you give me a hint, or I think you need it, I'll get in the mood real quick. Once our clothes come off, I'll be just as horny as you, and you'll be my entire world until you're satisfied.

Likely due to my inexperience, I'm super sensitive and I cum quickly when I'm at max horny. It's not like I'll need a change of underwear if you touch my leg, except it actually is because of how much precum I make, but you'd at least have to rub it a bit to give me an orgasm. I don't think you'll mind because I stop when you're satisfied, not when I am, and because I can probably cum as many times as you can, maybe more. Also, my hands and mouth never get soft, and they were designed to pleasure you.

I be shooting huge loads frfr ong. I don't take zinc supplements or anything (though I could), but especially if I've spent half an hour licking you while my dick throbs and leaks, when you do push me over the edge, I'll be shooting my goo for like 20 seconds. Unless it's all going inside you, the whole room's getting sticky. My second time busting a nut will be about what you'd expect from a guy.

Also likely due to inexperience, I'm gonna be hard whenever we touch, whenever I offer to do anything nice for you, and whenever you compliment me. My boxers are gonna be soaked and my balls are gonna be killing me by the end of our date. That's just how my body naturally reacts to your attention. If we're staying platonic, my boner doesn't change the fact that I'm just trying to get to know you. It doesn't mean I'm dying to skip to sex, or that I'm gonna try and guilt trip you over how it's "your fault" that I'm in pain. If you notice, just pretend you didn't.

Cringe:

We stare deep into each other's eyes as your juices cover my face and drip down my chin. As I savor your taste, you can call me a good boy and run your hands through my hair, tugging at it lightly. My dick has been hard since way before we even entered the bedroom, but it is not the focus tonight, or any night when we're together. The focus is you and your every desire. My primary desire is to make you feel good, and if I do a good job, we'll both be happy. Only then can I expect you to return the favor if you, and only you, decide that I've earned a reward.

I caress your thighs and reach up to gently pinch your nipples. I want to feel your grip on my hair tighten as you get close, and I want the pleasure you're feeling to reveal itself on your face, synchronized with the movements of my tongue. I stick my tongue inside your perfect pussy as far as I can and lick to the outside, where It circles around your clit. I place the base of my tongue on your clit and lick with its entire length, applying pressure so you can appreciate its texture, then I immediately reverse my movement until your clit is at the base once again. The stimulation is constant, and your pleasure only ever increases. After licking for a while, my lips surround your clit and I suck on it while flicking my tongue back and forth. I want to watch your eyes roll back as your thighs crush my head and I feel your clit twitch and throb against my lips.

I keep licking and sucking as you approach the edge. When your head finally falls back as mine gets crushed between your thighs, I ignore the soreness of my jaw and flick my tongue even faster. All I want in this moment is to give you the longest and most intense orgasm you've ever felt. You deserve to feel good, and my main job in this world is to ensure you do, whenever you call for me. As you grip my hair tightly with both hands and moan loudly, I keep going for as long as you let me. I switch back to licking, so that as you squirt on my face, your delicious fluids land on my tongue. I haven't been ordered to stop, so I keep going until you can't take it anymore and you push me away. Now that you've separated yourself from my mouth, I'm able to watch your pussy throb through the last few seconds of your orgasm.

I place my hands on your thighs and raise myself up to your level slowly, taking my time to kiss whatever part of your body is closest. Starting right above your pussy, my lips leave a moist trail leading to one of your nipples, then to the peak of your collar bone, up your neck and over your chin, where they meet their counterpart. We kiss passionately, forcing our tongues past each other and sucking on them as they enter each other's mouth. We both hold on tightly, pressing into each other as close as we can. Some of the precum that has yet to drip from my throbbing cock into the puddle I've formed on the bed glazes your stomach as we embrace. The pressure I feel when it's trapped between your beautiful body and mine makes it twitch.

After a while, you release me from your grip. You place your hands on my head, push me back down, and bury my face between your thighs. You don't need to say a thing, and I'll do it all again, over and over until you decide you've had enough. You can praise me for doing a good job and giving you all the pleasure you deserve. I try to thank you for the opportunity, but my mouth is preoccupied.

Once you decide it's my turn, you can just push me over and climb on top of me. I thank you excitedly until you tell me to calm down, and I respond simply with "yes, Mommy". After spending so much time pleasing you, my dick is throbbing forcefully, fully engorged and ready to be inside you. The slightest touch makes it twitch involuntarily, and causes me to moan softly. As you hold it steady by the base and descend, If I don't cum just as its head rubs against you, or the instant it slips through the lips of your beautiful pussy, or as it slides, effortlessly, all the way inside you, then your heartbeat and heavy breathing keeps me right on the edge.

I'm unable to stop myself from moaning loudly with every slight movement you make. Unless you order me to lay down and enjoy it, I rub your clit with my right hand while propping myself up with my left so I can suck on your nipples. I need to pause occasionally when the pleasure becomes too great and I feel myself closer to the edge of orgasm than ever before. I lightly pinch your clit between my fingers and rub it back and forth while kissing and sucking on both of your breasts. Finally, I have time to tell you "I love you" as I switch between them. I'll use any spare moment I have to remind you that you're perfect for me.

Even while I'm inside you, I just want to make you cum again. When you do, and your contractions cause your body to tremble and your pussy to rhythmically squeeze tighter, I finally explode. You feel my dick grow thicker, then subside with every contraction. The pressure we both feel as our genitals swell and press into each other's, eliminating all space between us and bringing us infinitely close, amplifies the pleasure. You feel the warmth of my cum as it powerfully shoots out and hits your cervix. We both share the same primal ecstasy, all while we couldn't possibly be closer.

Being multiple orgasms deep, yours ends first, giving you enough time to lay on top of me and whisper into my ear, "I love you too", as my dick continues to throb, filling you up. There is no set of words that I would rather hear in this moment. When nothing in this world exists outside of me, my mate, and this indescribable feeling, I couldn't be happier when you focus my mind onto our shared love. As I regain my senses to the sight of your eyes looking into mine, I can still feel the last few pulses of intense pleasure. We can stay just like that, with my dick still inside you, trapping my seed in the hole it was destined to fill.

Any small movement you make is nearly unbearable for me, yet appreciated. You have the power to drive me insane simply through the slight movements of your hips. If it will maximize your pleasure, then you can thrust your hips up and down as you lay on top of me, occasionally stopping at the bottom and twisting your hips in order to rub your clit against my groin. With your body on top of mine, I can thrash around all I want, but I'm well-trained enough to avoid throwing you off of me. I quickly cum again, with nearly the same intensity as the first time, and I'm glad you kept going. You move your hips faster as I ejaculate inside you, and my hips thrust upwards naturally whenever they have the space to. Soon after I finish, you cum once more soon, and I wrap my arms around you.

Once you decide we're done, you roll off of me, careful to keep me inside you. I rest my head in your neck and finally thank you for letting me make you feel good. I kiss you and nuzzle my face into you until you push me away. As I exit you, a trickling stream of my cum slowly follows. We make our way to the shower and get in together. My focus is still on you as I make sure you're completely clean. I get behind you and carefully wash your hair, then your skin, going down from your neck. As I pass below your stomach, if my hands renew your carnal urges, I'll use my fingers to give you one final release. I insert them and reach deep along the front wall of your pussy, where I rub back and forth until you cum once more. My semen inside you keeps you slick despite the water on my fingers. When you cross the edge again, and your knees go weak, you can fall backwards into me, and I'll keep you standing.

Once you're clean you can get out and dry yourself as I make sure I'm clean for you. I'll change the bedsheets and get you anything you desire before we crawl back into bed. We'll talk about our shared future as we cuddle and slowly fall asleep in each other's arms. If you wake up first in the morning and you're horny, just assume whatever position you want, and I'll quickly be ready for you.

Conclusion:

I don't see myself as a fetishist just because I'm submissive. If a woman is submissive, that's "normal", but if a guy is, that's apparently "not appropriate work talk", and I'm supposedly "fired". I'm just trying to find my perfect match. Our date can be totally platonic. I'll focus on giving you a good time and lots of attention. I don't expect you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but I hope we can cuddle extensively. I welcome whatever fun activities you have in mind, like going back to your place and petting all of your dogs (please).

If you're interested, then I am too, so please let me know which parts of this post interest you, and what might be an issue for you. If you wanna tell me that I would fit you perfectly, if only I lived near you, go ahead, and we can have a nice conversation.