Hey guys. I’m struggling. So I’m a guy (obviously I guess), and I have always been raised pretty traditionally. Like, lots of expectations on me, a lot of pressure to do really well academically and pursue my interests and such. My mom did try to motivate me by constantly harping on this threat that “the girls” were going to do better than me at this or that, and it caused me to kind of obsess over competition by gender. Like, it was one thing for one of my guy friends to be better than me at something but “losing to a girl” really wasn’t allowed.

Anyway I guess mostly I’m doing pretty well. Like I’m mostly organized, fairly smart and pretty ambitious, like people in my family and elsewhere look at me and they always talk about how much potential I have. But when I think about my temperament I’m not that kind of take charge person so many people expect me to be. I also feel behind and it leaves me feeling fairly flustered a lot, especially around girls. When I look around I feel like so many of the girls in my life who are really smart, smarter than me frankly and way more organized. Whenever I end up on a group project I end up feeling more like a follower than a leader.

Well, anyway I am in awe sometimes when I see how capable a lot of girls are and it definitely makes me question gendered expectations because honestly even though I’m smart and talented myself I honestly feel like I would get so much more satisfaction out of supporting their success rather than focusing on my own. I honestly feel like I would rather be a more supporting, passive partner to a girl, but I’m struggling with how to reconcile that with how to pursue my own dreams and ambitions too even while I’m mostly being supportive of hers, and also just general expectations both from girls themselves and from society, especially my family who I almost feel would be disappointed and wants to see me in a different much more take-charge light.

Anyway I might be seeing things through some bad lens or something but I guess the concept of role reversal just appeals to me but I’m struggling with how to think about it and definitely how to kind of find that with a girl I have no idea because it seems like most have an expectation and I'm not sure how to even really pursue that.