Since Ive started residency my program feels like the complete antithesis of "family". Which is strange because I matched to my home program and can tell you when I was a first year medical student the residents seemed to at least talk to each other and go out for drinks and HH and such. Every year the department would throw a welcome party for the incoming PGY-1s, and this year we didn't get that. There is one pgy-4 that is ACTUALLY trying into getting us together for HH and lunches, but it's obvious he is the only one making this happen. When I look around instagram I see that other departments are close knit, having BBQ for July4th Labor Day and Im just like WTF? psych, surg, and OB actually seem like they have close relationship/ mentorship/ working in a FRIEDNLY environment. Im one of three residents in my year and one of them I went to medical school with (we both matched home) and she was a little bit snobby/snooty in medical school/lied to me. I decided to start with a clean slate with her but I still remain guarded. The other person is a very nice guy but he socializes but not someone who jokes around the same way I do. I like him because he's a reminder to stay positive lol

But year Im in a pseudo transitional year and since starting in my department I feel lost. I started last Monday and the PGY-2 stated that now I am a MD I don't need to shadow and I can jump right in aka "we are short staff and need you to see patients on your own" I spoke to the other PGY-1 and she told me she shadowed patients first just to get a feel of what we are supposed to do and how. But it's okay because I remember what to do from my home rotation I jumped right in. We have a resident clinic and I assume if my attending went home that thought my notes were trash she would've called/texted. On Tuesday it was a little worse but I knew I was doing things absolutely wrong. I was fighting the internal war of doing my best vs not giving up so easily., Wednesday I broke down, my attending wanted his billing sheets by 5, but I was still working on them, so he sent a PGY-3 to check on me she helped me finish and told me I haven't been using the EMR correctly, Therefore all my notes all week haven't been done correctly.... Thursday I came back with a clean slate and had a really good day only for the attending to tell me, again, my notes need this _______. In addition to clinic being a shit show, PGY-2 residents weren't including me in consults after I was literally asking them to do so. And Im sensing an attitude with one of the PGY-2 who gave me a consult to see but made a 30 min exam last ~2.5 HOURS. This is a small field, this specific resident are from the same area, I need to keep my cool so I keep a good reputations but I am constantly getting pissde off about it. This week I went to HH 3x and had about 10-11 drinks this week because it's stressful. How TF I is ophthalmology more stressful than wards LMAO. I didn't feel supported or included I was just thrown in and it really sucked. I'll make sure this week goes better, but these are the people I will be dealing with ..... and I keep repeating to myself keep my cool and protect my reputation. Im so glad I matched close to my hometown because apart from my work stress I have my friends and family all within an hour from my job, and that is my saving grace.