I (f19y) tell my parents I go to church every Sunday so they don’t kick me out of the house because they have a rule of as long as I live in there house I have to go to church. when In reality I’m sleeping in with my boyfriend or spending time doing fun things with my boyfriend. I honestly hate lying to them but at the same time I don’t really care anymore. I grew up southern Baptist and in a small church. My upbringing wasn’t the greatest so there are moments where I remember physically being forced whether it was being dragged by my hair, or my arms/hands to get into the car to go to church as a kid, literally drying my face and putting on a fake smile as I walked through church. When I was younger my parents went through alot of fighting which I was the martial punching bag/counselor and I would scream and cry to God why he was doing this to me why he couldn’t break my parents up because I was so tired of the fighting. Eventually the fighting got better because my little sister was born but my parents are in a relationship with each other only because of my sister. I was a very odd kid I always have been so I have stuck out like a sore thumb due to mental health and disabilities I have and because of it people in the church excluded me a lot as I grew up. I went to a Christian school in which I got bullied to the point I had to be put on antidepressants. A lot of what I was taught in the Bible was literally gone against so I never understand what to believe in. Im finally now getting the courage to move out of my parents house but I guess I could say I have a ton of religious trauma I just want to understand why God can’t give me a break. Or could have made me normal I want to be religious and such I just want to heal and understand why I had to go through so much trauma

This song is how I feel god must hate me