I gave up christianity based on the toxicity of my puritanical, Mark of the Beast, church nitpicker (had to be his own interpretation of Bible) emotionally and physically abusive Father.

I then switched to Paganism based on a friend, where I was so transported and invovled with ceremonies, studies, magical Crystal, mysterious books, some of them pushing Out of my comfort zone and sometimes scaring me but I felt empowered

Then when Covid came, my whole belief started to shake. Nothing would have prepared me for this, my friend who has psychic abilities who gave me own doom prediction (nuclear apocalypse which NEVER came but it scared me horribly) somehow never predicted or warned me of this. Theg Even enjoyed the isolation and been super intense of saying "I am super powerful and I do so much .... But No One Understands me and takes advantage of me, I am unappreciated" (but he has had more influence in almost every facet of spirituality )

I been now taking more time to reflect and realise the paganism I did was just to Rebel against father christianity. But now since I have no reason to rebel since I haven't spoken to him for nearly 10 years, and realising I was caught in the vibe and excitement I dont believe in paganism or spirituality. Now those memories of ceremonies make me cringe and want to bury my head Some fond memories but plenty of times where I questioned myself

Trying to think of maybe Sciene will be my own salvation and answers