I keep getting involved with emotionally unstable women. I'm 68 years old. Some would say I should be ready to settle down and live out my golden years in peace. but I still can't figure out how to have a life partner. This is going to be a long one. Anybody want to go along for the ride?

I have learned from many years of counseling that if you keep finding yourself in the same situation that you should look to the common element in all of those situations. That of course is me. Supposedly if you take responsibility for your part in dysfunctional situations, the dysfunctional situations will stop happening. But this one hasn't. I feel like a crazy chick magnet and that somehow it's all because I try to be a nice guy. I also have recently heard that being a nice guy is as deadly as being dysfunctional. I haven't tried to unpack that one yet.

THE HISTORY: raised in an upper middle class environment to parents with a bad marriage, I went to college and got engaged to a woman that ended up leaving me because I was not grown up enough yet. She went on to be a medical doctor and I have learned from watching her life that we were not compatible. My first wife had mental health problems when I married her and I guess so did I. She was an alcoholic and not faithful to me at all. The relationship was full of bitter fighting and general craziness and lasted 9 years. In the middle of that marriage I dove into mental health therapy for the rest of my life off and on. The best counselor I have ever had came at the end of my first marriage. He taught me a lot. My second marriage came four years later to a woman that I stayed married to for 27 years. She was very sweet-tempered and we had some good times. But she was never really happy and, in the end, suffered a breakdown that led to a suicide attempt. She left me saying, "I guess I didn't love you like I thought I did". We divorced and I went to the Philippines for a year for a change of scenery and the Filipino girl who said she loved me. She was sweet but dreadfully poor and not the situation I could get tied to. I came back at the beginning of covid with nothing to my name and have lived with roommates ever since. My first roommates were my son and his mentally ill girlfriend. I had a year-long relationship with a 57-year-old woman whom I rescued from a 37 year abusive marriage. I help her get divorced and then discovered she was not for me. We broke up and I moved to another roommate situation with a 69-year-old woman who rented me a bedroom in her condo. A few days before I moved in she got a breast cancer diagnosis which, no doubt, destabilized her emotionally but the two months of our living together have proven untenable. She is a control freak and prone to angry outbursts I'll be moving to a small apartment on my own very soon.

That is a quick sketch of the women in my life. I have completely left out any description of myself on purpose. I can discuss me with anyone who asks. I am no saint but I am not abusive and I think I have learned the lessons I need to know to preserve my mental health. Nonetheless I have suffered with depression ever since my first marriage. I know about boundaries. I know about taking responsibility. I know the Serenity Prayer and, if I have a religion, it is The 12 Steps. I will not deny being partially to blame for my failed relationships, but the question I have is, why do I keep getting involved with emotionally unstable women? I desperately crave a full partner that won't break down in the face of my personality. I have ADHD and have intelligently addressed those symptoms. My second wife always took them as an offense against her. I have other failings., no doubt.

I need someone I can talk to and work through problems with. I have never had that. I need someone who is not submissive to me, has strong yet flexible boundaries and is kind and nurturing. Is it a unicorn I am seeking? I hope not.

I told you this would be a long one. I kept it as short as I could. I am a man who likes to talk about things that have meaning, feelings being part of that. I welcome any comment, any constructive criticism, any statement of opinion. I feel as if I am up against a brick wall in getting through to other people and I need help breaking through it. Thanks for listening.