EDIT: thank you all for your feedback, much appreciated. TLDR: as many issues as I may or may not have, I can work on them on my own without catering to the fragile male ego. Extreme anger/rage, regardless of the cause, is a hard pass. To any woman reading this later - avoid men who are insecure, jealous, or possessive.

I am working remotely from a Caribbean island (by myself) for a few weeks. My bf and I had recently broken up, and I wanted some time to myself away from home. We had only dated about 3 months, and were off for a month. About two weeks before I left, we started talking again, and got back together. He was upset that I didn't invite him (or was hesitant about doing so, even though it would have been nice to keep spending time together) and felt I was "running away". I worked remotely for 2 months last winter last year when I was single as well. I tried to explain that had we been steady and not fighting/breaking up, I would have suggested we work remotely together and planned something that could work for the both of us.

I'm here at a friend's parents house (which is empty since they are gone). I've been hanging out with said friend's family (aunts, cousins, etc.) since they are the only people I know here, and local to the island. I went out to a party (dinner/drinks/live music at a restaurant) with the cousins and their friends, all very interesting people with different backgrounds. I'm seeing most of them again at one of their birthday dinners soon.

I'm naturally a connector and like to get to know people better one on one. I have a ton of friends from different backgrounds and places. I genuinely enjoy opening up to people and getting to know more about them. One of the friends (a man) from that night suggested we get lunch since he's also American (from the same city I used to live in) and also here for a similar timeframe. He knew I had a boyfriend (even said I looked "smitten" when I talked about him), is a lot older than me, talked about the kind of advice he would give his daughters if they were in my situation, etc. I didn't think anything of it (i.e. I didn't get any sexual interest vibes) and agreed, because he seemed like an interesting person. Had he been female instead of male, I would've still said yes.

I told my bf of my plans for lunch, and he FLIPPED OUT. Like, lost his shit and flew into a rage. He told me afterwards it's the angriest he's ever been, or at least in the top 5 times (we're both in our mid-30's). He just turned really, really, really ugly and some very mean-spirited, hurtful, suspicious, racist things (as well as accusing me of already sleeping with the guy). He couldn't understand how in any world I would think that "going on a date" with another man is considered normal (I tried to explain that's not what it was, but he was past the point of rational conversation or understanding). He thinks I have daddy issues and seek attention from men, and that this is just more of this behavior. I don't think I seek attention anymore, but I did in the past.

This sounds like he's crazy, but this is because of a cumulation of a few things:

1. I teasingly told him before leaving that I might meet someone here (I shouldn't have said this, he doesn't take teasing very well and we had just gotten back together)
2. He thinks I have too many male friends (I also have a lot of close female friends, but he doesn't notice/remember them)
3. I'm attractive and naturally very open, but sometimes don't see social queues for what they are (i.e. I don't notice when guys are interested in/hitting on me)
4. I hooked up with someone else the day after our first date, after I had hooked up with him that night/morning (I hooked up but didn't have sex with either of them). He felt it was disgusting that I would hook up with two people on the same day.
5. He felt I was flirting with some guys/guy friends at a party we went to when we first started dating
6. I've "flirted" with a waiter in front of him before (I didn't think I was, I made a witty but sexually oriented remark, but I can see it from his end)
7. I went to a wedding with him and talked to the loner at the table who was sitting next to me (who I thought was gay) - once I realized he was not gay, really weird, and made me uncomfortable, I asked to switch seats with my bf
8. I have a close friend (who I hadn't seen in 2.5 years due to the pandemic) who was visiting the city for work for a 3-4 days, and I offered him to stay in my guest bedroom so we could properly spend time together after work. We've known each other for over 6 years, he's married with a kid now (last I saw him was at his wedding). This was early on in the relationship, and my bf was really uncomfortable with the whole thing (since I asked him to have those few days to myself). He kept getting suspicious, asking whether my friend's wife knew about this, etc. Eventually I acquiesced and asked my friend to get a hotel somewhat last minute (he understood).
9. I spoke to my ex again (after breaking up 2 years ago) from his apartment instead of going back to my place. I didn't know why my ex wanted to talk to me and assumed it was because he needed help; instead it was for closure (we dated for almost 2 years, and ended it really badly). It was a good conversation, and I talked to him for longer than I probably should have. He really didn't take this well AT ALL. I actually broke up with him after this because of his reaction.

He called and apologized the next morning, but it was a very half-assed apology (no remorse, more like he knew he had to apologize) and then blamed me for "bringing this out in him" (he thinks I take too many risks with the relationship and don't think about his feelings before I act, when he's doing everything he can to "make it work"). I have a father who was very verbally abusive, controlling, suspicious, and gaslighting, and get very, very triggered anytime someone starts screaming at me. I just shut down. After his non-apology I broke up with him because I didn't think it was going to get better (he's lost his cool at least twice before). But am I also in the wrong, despite my intentions?

Edit: typos