I really said harsh things to her towards the last few days leading to break up and I didn't have a hold of my anger. I did have love for her but somehow somewhere anger, jealousy, frustration and obsession took over. All this happened towards the end of April and until July I was chasing and pressurising her to get back with me without even realising how bad I treated her and how she must've felt.

After some point, she really had to block me to have her own peace. I had other sources to reach out to her but I didn't want to keep on banging a door which is shut. At the end of the day, I want her to be happy, so I refrained from putting any more pressure on her. I've asked her sorry multiple times and genuinely apologized and she has forgiven me the same number of times.

I'm sure I could've handled things better but whatever has happened has happened. Even though she didn't treat me badly she said "We both have to become better humans" and I felt so bad. She was mature enough but I overlooked everything because of all the grudges and anger that I had towards her. She's sweet, kind and wouldn't think harm to anyone. I really fell for how genuine she was.

I want to become a better person not just for her but for myself as well. But at the same time, I can't lose her because of all the silly fights we had. She's a gem of a person and I want to make her genuinely feel she can be happy with me again if given a chance. I'm undergoing therapy for my problems. Even though I'm at a very early stage, I'm working heavily on it.

As the next month rolls it should've been our 2nd anniversary but I messed up this relationship big time. I'm thinking of meeting her next month, but idk how it'll affect her. I'm sure she'll not get agitated but idk what to convey to her, I don't want to cry in front of her because I'm seeing her after 4 months, so I don't want to make it more draining for her.

I don't want to convince or manipulate her, I genuinely want to ask for a chance and give me more time to work on my issues.