Here in SoCal, most of the youth leagues have--wisely--gone to a system where the teams sit on opposite sides, and the parents sit behind the right-back touchline, away from the AR. This has made being AR2 (and AR1, for that matter) so much easier. However, ECNL (2nd/3rd highest level of youth soccer) has not, going with the traditional setup of teams on the same side and parents on the opposite side.

So my ability to tune parents that are two yards behind me has got a little rusty and, if I'm honest, it has always been hard for me (I do find that using radios helps but some officials don't like to use them). This last Sunday, after centering the most challenging match of my season so far, I found myself with a very chatty bunch of parents as AR2 on a U17 ECNL match. Perhaps it's because I'd spent so much emotional energy managing the previous match, but I was on a bit of a short fuse. I usually engage in the banter, and by talking with them, both humanize myself and let them know their opinions are not part of my decision-making process, so it's not a good use of their energy to give me a lot of stick.

However. We had a paradigm case of the "intentional play by a defender" exception to the offside law. An attacking player was three yards offside when a ball was played over the top. The 2nd last defender intentionally jumped into the air to execute a defensive header but didn't get up far enough, and the ball merely skipped off his head to the feet of the previously offside attacker. Both the center and I saw this and let play continue--a goal was immediately scored.

To say that the parents that were just feet from me lost their shit (as did the coach on the other side of the pitch) would be a significant understatement. It wasn't even a close call, I tried to explain to them that the deliberate play reset the offside, but they were too busy yelling at me to hear what I had to say. I tried just to shrug it off and ignore them, but they were f*cking relentless. Nothing was outright abusive, but it was extremely demeaning. "Back to school for you guys!" "You are idiots, all three of you!" "Absolutely shockingly bad refs. You guys suck!" At one point, I said, "Okay, it's time for you all to quiet down and give it a rest. You're distracting me from doing my job." "You can't say that to us! You are unprofessional!" "We're just trying to help you because you don't know what you're doing!" "We're paying you, we can say whatever we want since you are incompetent!"

At some point, I feel like the whole culture of football is fucked up in the way referees are treated. I've been trying to figure out why it's okay to talk to another human being in a way you'd never talk to someone "in real life." I'm 6'1" and 200 lbs, so most people at least wouldn't treat me that way IRL for fear I'd retaliate physically. If a customer or supervisor or colleague treated me that way at work, they'd be gone by the close of business. Additionally, there's just a lot of gratuitous idiocy and cruelty regarding the referee. A referee colleague I was working with a couple of months ago took a ball to the groin *hard* and was down on the floor in a lot of pain for maybe three minutes. I was AR2, and the parents and players were gleefully laughing at him as he was writhing in pain. I ask you, in what other circumstance is that okay?

I don't know, maybe it's because we represent authority when we're out there, and people can't keep that and the fact we're human beings in mind at the same time. Does anyone have any other theories as to why it seems like it's okay for normal, I'm assuming otherwise emotionally healthy people to abuse officials and laugh at their misfortune? I've been doing this a very long time (>2000 matches over 2 decades), and it seems like it's getting worse. Curious as to the thoughts of other officials (beyond "get a thicker skin." That's just begging the question.)