Let's talk about spanking. Not impact play in general, spanking specifically.

Spanking was my gateway kink. In about 1988, I discovered a small bookshop around the corner from Victoria Station, London. At the back were a couple of swing doors, which led to some rather specialist publications. I found I was drawn to the corporal punishment titles. They had lots of stories, some letters, and a smattering of largely black and white photographs. Nineteen-year-old me found this very exciting, and I soon had a small selection of British Spanking magazines hidden away at home; titles such as Janus[NSFW!], Roue[NSFW!] and Blushes[NSFW!]. There was nothing 'funishment' about these stories. They were tales of young women, which contrary to the covers were often portrayed by middle-aged women with pigtails, who had somehow gotten into trouble and had to face the music.

Now, over thirty years later, I'm still very much a spanker. I'm somewhat of a traditionalist. I believe the spankee should be naked from the waist down, over my knee, and the spanking should be delivered by hand. I'm not big on warm-ups. A short, sharp, very firm spanking is a good spanking. A couple of dozen shots in quick succession, delivered hard enough to make me want to stop for a while, because my hand hurts. Then, we move onto a different activity. Or, I can keep my partner in that position while I allow my hands to wander. Admiring the colour and the warmth. Adding to it, in a more leisurely manner, if I see fit.

I'm intrigued to know if you're a spanker / spankee? How that came about? And how you go about it?

. . .

u/ToucanInHand and I have had a couple of conversations recently, regarding maintenance spankings. I'll admit, I've always kind of pooh-poohed the idea. I was of the impression it was just an excuse for people who took themselves a bit too seriously, to have some fun. Tou told me I was wrong. She does this often, on a variety of topics. Annoyingly, she's been right every time.

As I understand it, Tou feels that regular non-sexual spankings would help with her anxiety. She often worries she may have upset me, or overstepped in some way, or has demanded too much of my time / attention / emotions. Apparently, insisting to her that she has done none of these things, and I'mreallynothtatsortofpersonanyway, does little to put her mind at rest. Whereas, a firm maintenance spanking, in the manner I described above, allows Tou to switch her brain off for a short while. Which promotes a feeling of calm, and reduced anxiety, within her.

I asked her to clarify, and this is what she said:

Often, I can’t really name the thing I might have done wrong. If I think about all our interactions, I know they’re positive. But I still have a lingering anxiety that I haven’t been perfect, that there’s something I’ve done that got to you, but just not enough for you to bring it up with me. I know that’s irrational, and I also know it’s really fucking annoying to have someone not believe you when you say ‘I’m not annoyed’ (see! That’s the thing I’m doing wrong! Not accepting your reassurance that I haven’t done anything wrong!) I could ask, in a variety of ways and roundabout queries whether you’re really sure that you’re not cross…..but that would irritate you, a lot. Because it is, irrefutably, an incredibly irritating thing to do.

Knowing that you’re going to spank me, hard, in the near future - and that you’ll enjoy it, and I really won’t, helps me deal with that anxiety. If I’ve done something wrong, that’s how I’ll atone. If I haven’t done anything wrong, then it’s a sign of my submission and commitment that I will lie over your knee and be spanked, just the same. It’s a reminder that I listen to you, and that you decide, for us. You are not angry, and I’m a good girl, so you will spank me.

Tou received her first maintenance spanking last weekend. They will be a part of our kinky menu for the foreseeable.

Are maintenance spankings a part of your relationship? What do they achieve? When, and under what circumstances, are they delivered?

I've decided hers will be scheduled for the first morning we're together, following breakfast. That will allow us plenty of 'catching up' time with each other, prior to the spanking being delivered. Otherwise, I'm likely to become distracted. That is, so long as we don't have a whole bunch of friends and family around us. Asking cousin Ephraim if he'd mind vacating the sofa for a few minutes, so that you can give the Mrs a bit of a walloping, isn't really the done thing.