1st post here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/15evtl8/feeling_alone_in_my_first_ds_dynamic_subs_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

2nd post here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/SubSanctuary/comments/15hirp7/update_feeling_alone_in_my_first_ds_dynamic_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

TLDR: 29F here, entered my first BDSM relationship about 2 months ago. My first "Dom" (35M) ended up being a fake, love bombing, gaslighting POS. Just debating how I want to move forward from here, really.

So, my recent update came from a much more optimistic place than this post does. After I talked to him about my concerns and what I needed moving forward (and he agreed to all the things, said all the right things, etc...) it seemed like everything was great. For 4 days.

Communication was better, I was feeling more secure and happy about our future, and we had a date planned for last night (8/7). Well, Saturday (8/6) came and went with normal communication, the last text I received from him was a conversation about a game of darts I was playing at a friends' house. Sunday morning, I sent a good morning text. Went about my day - next thing I know it's 4:30pm and I haven't heard from him, and we still hadn't nailed down our plans for what time, or whose place we were meeting at. I sent a second text asking if we were still meeting up that night. Got cleaned up anticipating he had been busy doing chores/yard work/etc and would get back to me in the next hour. Heard nothing. Made a phone call around 6pm - rang, no answer. At this point, every single bit of the anxiety I had previously comes crashing down on me and I just have this horrible feeling in my gut that he's standing me up. I resign myself to go on with my evening, try to distract myself catching up on some Netflix and playing on my phone. Telling myself to give him the benefit of the doubt (and knowing full well I probably look desperate at this point) I send a third and final text around 8:30pm asking if everything is okay.

Fast forward to this afternoon around 4pm. I still haven't heard from him. Hasn't even read my texts, let alone responded or picked up the phone to call me. I finally give in to the intrusive thoughts telling me there's something else going on, not trusting his distance, and deep down not trusting his loyalty because ENM is something he was openly interested in (and mentioned exploring with me down the road). Why would he ignore my texts and calls for 2 days, and stand me up when we were supposed to see each other? I even considered that his phone may have been broken/damaged or he could have gotten in some kind of accident on his way home Saturday night.

Well, I upgraded my account on Feeld to gain access to the "last seen" function, and unfortunately saw exactly what I was afraid of. He had been online around midnight the evening we were supposed to see each other - and was listed as single. (Yes, we had agreed to be exclusive. He had directly stated weeks ago that he didn’t want me to continue talking to/matching with other men online - and said he would do the same. Additionally, we were in 2 group chats which he had not read messages from in over a week - so whatever he was doing online that night was secret from me. Trust me, I have tried to justify this…) I realize this is not 100% evidence, but it’s enough for me. I have to read the writing on the wall at this point.

His actions are showing me where his priorities are, and no contact for 2 days straight in the same week that we had a conversation about me wanting to hear from him at least once a day (see previous posts for details) combined with this... well. I can't ignore it anymore, and I can't come up with excuses for him anymore.

I'm welcoming any opinions at this point. If someone can think of a scenario that explains this, I would LOVE to hear it. But I think we can all see what's going on here. I haven't confronted him, and I don't think I will. At this point, I am so hurt and angry, all I would want is to fight with him and tell him how horrible he is for leading me on like this. Which is no good for anyone and will only make me feel better temporarily. I'm leaving the conversation silent, and already disconnected from him on Feeld. (Unfortunately he will be able to see that I did this, but I wanted to remove the temptation to continue checking on him. I have the answer I was looking for, anything more is just unhealthy.)

For the record, I don't feel that I owe him any communication on ending the relationship, since he doesn't have the decency to do so himself. At this point, I don't care to open up dialogue with him further. At the end of the day, cheating or not, he has violated my trust and directly ignored needs that I communicated to him on 2 separate occasions... need which he agreed were easy for him to meet, and said he would.

Anywho. I am glad this at least happened early on, rather than much later down the road when I am even more emotionally invested and can be cut even deeper. That said, I am still pretty deeply hurt and angry at him for treating me this way, and for making THIS my first experience in practicing BDSM. He was supposed to be my Daddy Dom... to guide me, take care of me, mentor and teach me, reassure me when I am vulnerable. He played the part and sucked me in, then betrayed all of that. I HATE that he was my first Dom and it went down like this. Oh well. You live and you learn, right?