There’s NOTHING wrong with paying a cleaning service, shipping everything for dry cleaning or hiring decorators and personal shoppers… but why not be a one woman wonder force of domestic rock-stardom if you’re so inclined? Here’s what I’ve learned, what about you? I think part of being a beautiful woman is maintaining a beautiful environment, so let’s dig in!

I love the outdoors. The way fresh, clean air smells. The sound of wind rushing through leaves and how light plays through the shadows of foliage. I love plants, and while I certainly love/hate some more than others, I’m a big fan of using what little outdoor space I have to create a foliage and floral experience! I also LOVE bringing the outdoors in with copious amounts of houseplants. And being a crazy plant lady isn’t as stereotyped as being a crazy cat lady (I’m both, so I have no room to talk.) Whether you have no idea what horticulture is or you can do floral arrangements while blindfolded, let’s chat about plants! Disclaimer: I’m in the Midwestern US. If you’re in a different hemisphere, that could skew some of this advice! But I’d love to try and help you specifically if needed!

It’s all on the label Picking out plants to take home can be seriously daunting. I mean, think about it. These are living things, and they are a responsibility. Most all plants are typically sold with a handy little plant tag that says a few things about the plant. Usually the basics include light requirements, water requirements, zones, and growth. Let’s break these down to make best use of the information usually provided before we get into picking the brains of subject matter experts/salespeople or doing more focused research.

Light requirements This is the most important factor to consider when selecting a plant. If you’ve ever visited a plant department anywhere you’ve heard the terms “full sun” or “part shade.” The trouble with this seemingly obvious requirement is that many people don’t spend multiple 24 hour long days in their home/garden to actually know what kind of sun they’re working with! When I leave for work at 6 and get home after the gym and drinks with my man around 8, I don’t think our living room is sunny enough for that Yucca plant I’ve been lusting after… so I get something like a ZZ plant that requires little to no sunlight, and I’m shocked to find it gets fried! Little did I know, that window actually faces southwest and is in constant direct sunlight from the moment I hit the interstate until the moment I walk in the weight room.

*So, think of it like this. The sun rises in the east, sets in the west, and in the growing season it tracks across the southern sky. So if a plant is on the south or southwest side of a house, or in a south or southwest facing window, it will be getting much more sun than a plant oriented north, northeast, northwest, or even southeast.

*There’s also a difference between direct (unfiltered, directly shining on plant) and indirect (filtered by curtains in your window/other plants or canopies, or in a bright sunny room but removed from direct sunlight.)

*Full sun means at least six hours of direct light… ideally facing south.

Partial shade means 4-6 hours but *no more than 6 hours of direct sun. North/northeast/southeast light is ideal for these plants.

Partial sun means 4-6 hours but *at least 4 hours of direct sun. North/northeast/southeast light is ideal for these plants.

*Full shade plants prefer less than 3 hours of direct sunlight each day, and they prefer morning sunlight like the partial sun/shade plants.

Water requirements There is no set amount of water a plant prefers to drink. Think about how much water you drink… generally you should have about half of your body weight in ounces, but on a day your spin instructor kicks your butt you’ll drink more than when you enjoy a mellow yoga class. That water is different than how much you drink when you’re hungover, and it’s different than how much you drink when you are cold and snuggling on the couch all day. Does your dog have to drink the same amount of water every day? Your four legged child will drink a lot after playing and running, but not drink as much when they lounge around with your crusty hungover self. Plants are the same way.

When we say some plants prefer more or less water than others, it’s near impossible to quantify how much. For houseplants, how cold does your air conditioner run and is your home humid at all? How much sun do you put them in, and do you move them all around the house or let them stay in their “home” for their whole life? What kind of soil do you use? How much soil is there? Is there also sand, rock, gravel, cork, or any other material in your planter? Do you apply any plant/flower/root food to the plant? There are a lot of variables. Here are a few hacks.

*It is FAR better to under water a plant than it is to over water. Why? Being thirsty sucks, right? WRONG. When you apply too much water, the plant and soil can only absorb so much. Residual water will make it difficult for the plant to maintain a beneficial nutrient balance. Water also increases the likelihood that the plant will mold/mildew. You can always apply more water, but you can’t take it off if there’s too much. Also, be sensitive to the water table you live on. While watering around your house can help delay a fire from devouring your home, aggressively watering everything in your yard three times a day when you live on the Ogallala might be a little insensitive to regional water supply issues. But that’s stewardship and politics, so I digress.

Think of water application as moistening soil rather than sticking an IV full of fluid in your plant. Be it a cactus, a succulent, a hosta, or a fern, the soil should be optimally moist for that plant’s needs. There are great products like moisture meters and Plant Nanny’s that can help you ensure your plants get optimal moisture. The plant doesn’t soak up *water (with the exception of aquatic plants, of course). They soak up moisture from the soil.

*Look at the plant. Even if you don’t have a green thumb, look at enough plants in the store and online to gauge whether your plants look happy or unhappy. Is the foliage too yellow, too pale, too brown, or is it vibrant and ideal for its variety? Is it wilting (a response to too much OR too little moisture)? Are the leaves shriveling? Plants are pretty resilient… if you take care and take notice, you can bring a plant back from the brink of death! This can help you determine whether the plant needs more or less water, or a different lighting situation.

*Drainage is important for plants, especially in the event of an over watering. While glazed ceramic pots are gorgeous and festive, plain ceramic or even terra cotta pots are better for their ability to wick moisture. Ideally, your pot should have a drainage hole in the very bottom. Place the pot over a ceramic saucer, and on top of a coaster or plant riser to allow air flow and to prevent any stains from the pot or water damage. If you have a massive pot, you can use material like Styrofoam or premade pot risers to avoid the need to fill the pot entirely with soil.

Other label information

*Plant zones are a thing. This isn’t something to really worry about, since for the most part you’ll buy plants from retailers. Zone 10 plants just don’t work in zone 5. They die. So why would any retailer in Wisconsin want to sell zone 10 plants only to deal with customers enraged that their $60 hibiscus tree just “up and died”? They wouldn’t. Now you can sometimes get away with having a different zone plant in an appropriate season (i.e. buying tropicals in the Midwest during hot summer months) but for the most part, pay you no mind to zones because your retailer won’t sell you a plant doomed to fail.

Selecting plants

*Where do you want to put the plant? In your sunroom window? In your unlit cubicle? A trellace by your mailbox? Your windy indirectly lit apartment patio? First determine your lighting possibilities.

*Do you want a large or a small plant? The main thing here is price… a large established plant will cost more than something you’re willing to grow into. One of the hardest questions to answer (after “How much water?”) is how big a plant will get. If you care for it well, it can grow up to its optimal size which is usually on the care tag. If you take poor care of the plant, it’ll probably not reach its largest size (provided it lives at all.) If you never ever prune the plant back to promote bilateral growth, it’ll probably get tall and/or leggy (depending on whether it’s a vining plant or not.) If you prune it carefully? It’ll spread (as much as it can) and fill out. Rate of growth totally depends on the plant species and variety… just like people and animals.

*Flowers and blooms, at least when buying PLANTS, are a wasted investment, in my opinion. I love hydrangeas, azaleas, coneflowers, irises, and petunias. The color, the fragrance, the form… GORGEOUS. But flowers don’t bloom year round. They don’t even bloom all season! Again, think about animals and humans. Can you stay pregnant forever? Even as procreative as your rabbit is… even she can’t stay in a constant state of giving birth. Plants can’t either. There are some plants that maintain blooms longer throughout the season than others (I’m obsessed with mandavilla right now) but for the most part? Blooms are risky. They require a lot of energy for the plant to maintain, they are fragile (any rain or wind and you could have a yard full of petals) and most of the year you’re left with just foliage. So PICK PLANTS FOR FOLIAGE. The foliage is texture, interest, and color you get payoff from for a longer period of time.

*If you love the blooms, go for it. If you’re wanting a plant just for a one day event and you’re shopping the day of, by all means pick the plant covered in flowers. If you want more bang for your buck, select the plant with the most unopened buds and open blooms. Apply flower foods like Miracle Grow or Flower Tone to get more longevity out of the blooms. If the plant will be outside, and while upholding light requirements, shelter the plant from wind by surrounding it with other denser plants or structures if wind (or dogs that belong on r/zoomies) is a concern.

*How much do you want to care for your plant? Are you forgetful or do you travel a lot and require something low maintenance? Do you want a plant to nurture daily like your own living yet insentient Tomogochi, and if so, are you capable of leaving your plants ALONE if they need it? There are all kinds of plants with differing requirements… not just moisture, but being moved around to different spots, being turned to get evenly distributed sunlight, being pruned or deadheaded, being repotted as they grow, and other activities work well for some plants, are neutral for some plants, and can be the kiss of death for others. Do you want a plant friend, or do you want something only slightly more lively than a wall hanging? Here’s a neat guide for some on-trend plants]( https://issuu.com/kitmedia/docs/kit_2017_3_digitalversion)

Potting your plants Plants usually come in cell packs or other plastic containers. Usually these are the pots the plants grew in at the wholsale nursery, and at some point the plants will need to be repotted otherwise they are at risk of STRANGULATION! DANGER!!! OHHHH NO!!! If the plant doesn’t have a deep or wide enough pot to grow in, the roots will wrap around and around the root ball, eventually chocking the roots out from absorbing nutrients and moisture. Some plants (petunias) are more prone to this than others that have shallow roots (cacti) so do your research.

First, prepare your new pot with soil. Typically standard potting soil is fine, but there are specific soils for cacti/succulents, roses, and other plants. Remember in Family and Consumer Science cooking classes when you would scoop flour, tap the scoop against the canister, then use a knife to chop across the surface of the scoop then sweep the knife across to level the scoop off? Versus spooning flour into the scoop then smashing the flour inside to fill the scoop densely with as much flour as possible? Versus just gathering up some flour loosely and leaving airpockets in there? The same applies to soil. You don’t want the soil so aerated that it cannot hold *any moisture and ends up compressing after watering to only fill half of your pot… but you also don’t want the soil so firmly packed that the soil holds too much moisture and is too dense for the roots to permeate. I fill the pot with soil, tap the pot against a surface or tap my hands around the sides to settle the soil into place. Then, based on how big the plant you’re planting is, leave the pot empty of some soil. You want the surface of the plant’s existing soil to sit level with the soil surface in the pot. Dig out this little cubby for the plant.

*Gently remove the plant from its original container. “Tickle” the roots to separate them. Place the plant in the pot, adding or removing soil to/from the pot to ensure levelness. You can gently press your fingertips around the plant once in place to ensure stability. I don’t recommend watering the plant after planting it, especially if the plant was already in very moist soil. If the plant was in very dry soil and prefers dry soil, I don’t water it yet. If the plant prefers moisture, I usually soak it in the old pot before planting. It’s messy, but it’s less drastic of a change for the plant that way. I use a paper towel or old makeup brush to sweep any soil particles off the edges of the pot to make it look clean.

Other comments

Everyone is obsessed with succulents. Here’s a good succulent guide I’ll reiterate… choose plants, ESPECIALLY succulents for foliage, not for blooms. Because succulents are *succulent they don’t require as frequent watering as other plants (think cacti) but they do appreciate thorough watering when they do get watered.

*If you have the sun for it, cacti are also really amazing. Keep in mind that succulents that produce a milky white sap are toxic, like my favorite plant EVER, the pencil or firestick cactus.

*Pruning a plant is removing part of the plant to encourage a particular growth pattern (usually promotes denser growth rather than leggy growth.) You can prune up to 1/3 of a plant and have it survive. It’ll focus all its energy on growing where it was cut, and usually will branch out in opposite directions at the point where you prune it. Deadheading is a similar concept, but it’s primarily when you prune off a dead bloom or other compromised part of the plant that absorbs unnecessary energy that could be better redirected to other areas. Pruning is a big thing for roses and perennials that you want to last a certain way through the winter. I know very little about roses, and diehard rose fans usually don’t accept anything but esteemed expertise so I won’t even touch that subject!

Outdoor plants can become indoor plants, and vice versa. But sometimes it’s tough. If you have a cactus, succulent, or tropical plant you’d like to take outside for the summer, be sure the temperature is stable enough for it. Those plants like warmth and sun for the most part, and your house is probably consistently between 65-80 degrees, so wait until that is consistently the temperature outside (day and night.) Some plants are more sensitive to changes in temperature, light, humidity, and literally *being moved than others. The people you buy plants from and the interwebs can tell you more! Likewise, our homes are usually much dryer than the outdoors and they also have differing temperatures to keep in mind when making the opposite switch.

*An herb/veggie garden in your sunny kitchen might seem like a great idea but come Thanksgiving/Christmas/Superbowl, you’ll be grossed out by the gnats and fruit flies. It’s idyllic to grow all your own herbs and produce… but there’s a reason most of our produce comes from coastal states. Laws of trade and economics and all that. Unless you’re willing to put a lot of work in and develop your own “economy of scale” in your garden, and unless you eat produce/herbs pretty sparingly, you won’t be able to grow all your own, so don’t beat yourself up when your rosemary HATES living in your kitchen and you can’t grow all the asparagus your heart desires.

*Perennials are plants that come back year after year. These are clearly a better long term investment. My family has plants that have been in the family for generations in multiple different states over the years! It’s SO COOL! If you’re moving? Dig those suckers up, BEFORE you show the house. These plants are usually bigger and more foliage- than bloom-driven than their annual counterparts. Annuals die at the end of their season, or once there’s a big shift in temperature and weather. Usually, people get sick of paying for annuals every year and go hard in the perennial direction. Then, people get sick of their garden looking unstructured and full of grassy foliage, so they jump back into annuals. There are SO MANY KINDS of beautiful gardens, there’s no right or wrong, but that’s the tendency I’ve seen. Here’s a cool website with lots of examples of different gardens. For a really low maintenance garden, consider investigating the common wildflowers in your region (as long as they match your lighting requirements.)