In the interest of “what really goes on...”

I’ve been searching for new partners (a new partner would be nice, but hopefully a longer-term if the stars align). I was also away last week so I had a couple of ads up around that, which generated some extra interest. I sent a screenshot of kik to my husband last week of how I’d been spending my time (he was happy to hear I’d been chatting but I sent it in amusement and to illustrate that chat does not = play)...I won’t post here for privacy reasons (theirs not mine) but there were 8 prospects/active chats at the time. Here’s the rundown:

KJ- steamy chat. Great pics. Think we might meet...a week later — still trying to figure out if we may meet

K- older contact. We connected before my hiatus last summer. Again this fall. He disappeared for a couple of months then heard from him again 2 weeks ago. Still trying to meet.

JR - met on okc. Really amazing. Lots in Common. Similar life situations. Good chats... decided I’m not really his physical type a few days ago.

Former fwb - not counted in the 8...ongoing chatting (long story). Still former fwb (not changing)

BostonGuy —met on SLS. Talked about meeting 2x. Seems to have ghosted

DL - connected multiple places but first SLS. Have been trying to have coffee since Dec. several maybes. Still trying. Haven’t heard from him for a few days.

TY — forget where we connected. 3-4 mos ago. Lost touch this winter while we were all sick. He said hi again 3 weeks ago. Talked for a week or so. Currently quiet again. :/

EW - connected online but have been to same local club. Have been talking & trying to gtg on & off for maybe a year. Long breaks as life intervenes. Brief hellos on apps (here & FL). Several attempts at coffee derailed due to family obligations. Still trying but quiet past week or so.

Not included but active since:

CW - responded to post on sls but lives closer to where I travelled. May gtg if he’s in my area.

Gb - random internet hello. Not close enough to act on

Yb - redditor who responded to my hwr post. Chatted. Verified. Then ghosted day before my trip. Seems to have deleted account.

11 chats in about 10 days. Those are people who got through the initial hi on various sites to actually chat. Some I had plans to meet. About half were serious enough that they’ve seen face pics. No better prospects than a month ago. I haven’t had a new partner in about a year (I think 1 new coffee meet in that time that wasn’t a good match —why we do coffee lol).

My point is that this IS actually hard and time-consuming and if you’re frustrated searching — you’re not alone.

And even those of us who are “experienced,” have a heck of a time finding people sometimes. I was extremely lucky with our first partner who was about as good a match for me/us as we could find & lasted several years (I joke that I’m making up for that now), so it does happen quickly sometimes, but this is far more typical.