For some reason now that I actually want to get assaulted, it won't happen. All the times it happened before I didn't want it and struggled and cried about it after. I hated myself and couldn't accept it. And now that I'm aware I'm just a slut and holes to use, I don't know how to put myself in these vulnerable positions. I think it's because I still get scared a man is really going to hurt me. I haven't been anally violated but I would love for that to happen, and I'm also worried I could get destroyed and my asshole left raw.

I try my best to dress more slutty, show my big DD tits more, but I don't put myself in bars or easy places as much as I should. I haven't been able to fully embrace being a cum dump and so my fear keeps me from being available for men. But it's my fear of how powerful and angry and mean that men are that gets me wet. I crave being dominated by a man, even bred. I stopped taking birth control because my submissive mentality has just consumed me. I know I'm just a slut and a breeding cow. But the rape hasn't happened. I don't know how to get rid of this fear so my holes can be used again :(