I'm a dumpster fire. Oh fucking well. Never claimed to be perfect nor have my shit together. And at this point in my life I'm giving up trying. I was born a train wreck and I'll die one so fucking what. I've been through hell, shit, drama, you name it and still get the fuck up; beat up to shit, to god damn hell brusied and unrecognizable. What I fucking hate is people who have one thing to be grateful for and STILL aren't. Even me, in the fucking hell of a dumpster fire of a life I have still can find a way to be grateful for the one thing and it's literally nothing but I'm grateful for it. Do i break down? All I know is broken down so your little momnet would be a welcomed chamge for me. then you have those who just want to be miserable. Like why tf why?! I lost my husband. You still have: a child/children with your deceased spouse that you just say fuck it about. Atleast you have that piece of them vs no piece at all. Then you have those who lost a parent who still have a spouse or siblings or kids to help and you're still like fuck them... I have no home, no car and no job. I'm living with a guy who wants me to fuck him just to keep a roof over me my dog and my cat's head! And he knows I lost my house and the car and fought damn hard to keep them! He knows I have no where or one to turn to and he treats me worse than the devil treats the damned. I literally have no one. If I were to die right now, who would get notified? No one. Cuz there is no one to list. I am literally alone in the world and people who have someone still can't be grateful. I would give my left nut and the left nut of anyone for one person to list for any reason. Do you know the goddamn strength it takes to literally get up and find a reason not to kill yourself when you know unequivocally all you have nothing but reasons to kill yourself?! It's no fucking amount of money or recognition that can ever match that tenacity. How do I find it? I have one thing to be grateful for. I wish I had it as good as y'all do. Damn this would be some small amount of easier! Damn it wouldn't be crippling as it is! Damn I could have one day of not lying to myself and then getting mad at myself for lying to myself....