This contest is closed.

It's been a long time, I know. There's been quite a mess in my home and in my head. Maybe yours have been messy, too. An coworker once told me "a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen", and I am of the firm belief that a clean home is much the same. So today you're going to make a list of three to five things that really need doing, and you're going to do them. They can be small, they can be large, they can take you three days to do, but you must follow the UFYH rules of not marathoning them. And when you're done, preferably before the contest ends on the 19th, report back here and tell me that you've finished.

Here's what mine looks like:

• #21: Put away laundry
• #26: Vacuum the whole house
• #6: KonMari the shit out of this linen closet (we have like 18 kitchen towels, who needs that many?!)
• #20: Wash dirty woolens and knitwear
• #20: Finish fringe of latest knitting project

This week's prize will be something home related, preferably something in the spirit of UFYH. A pair of book ends to keep your books together in an orderly fashion. A storage bin to tuck things neatly away that do not yet have a home. A hanging organizer to get all yo' nasty shoes off the floor of your tiny space so you can stop tripping over them.

If you're not sure where to start your list, need some help prioritizing, or are just at a complete loss as to what the fuck I'm talking about, read on below. If you're already on board, feel free to skip the UFYH introduction and git r done.

Never heard of Unfuck Your Habitat? Here's your official Welcome Packet! It contains two links. Click them. Then actually read the pages.

For those of you who are already on the unfucking train, there are two ways to play:

1. Go randomly generate a number between 1 and 39. Find your number here and click the corresponding link to read up on your challenge. NO REROLLING YOUR CHALLENGE unless that area is legitimately already unfucked or you have no control over it (you don't need to clean your apartments communal washing machines, okay). But let's be real, it's probably not and that's why we're here.

2. Scroll through the list of challenges until one jumps out at you as something that needs cleaning. Is yo fridge stanky? CHALLENGE TIME. Has Laundry Mountain grown to epic proportions equal to that of scaling Mt Everest? (Spoiler alert: NO.)

Once you've got your challenge rolled/picked, set your phone timer to the appropriate cleaning interval. Does your challenge need a 20/10? Maybe a 45/15? Set it and go! If you landed a mini challenge, set the timer for 5 minutes so you don't get carried away and accidentally a marathon. NO CLEANING MARATHONS. If you want an app for your phone, search for "Unfilth Your Habitat" on iPhone and "Unfuck Your Habitat" on Android. It's 99c. You don't need it, but it's nice. I finally got an Android. THIS APP IS AMAZING!!! RIP Windows Phone. U were okay.

This is very important: No matter how fucked your habitat is, you are not beyond help. You can make progress. It will take time. But it’s easier than you think.