Edit - I am from India and am only allowed to ask for cards and other non-physical things according to the sub, so editing it right at top so nobody has to read all the comments. :)

TW for homophobia and transphobia, and mention self harm and the sorts, and child abuse.

I am turning 25 on 4th April, and I usually don't like celebrating my birthdays because they always end up going horribly wrong somehow, but I was really feeling it this year. I have been struggling with various mental illnesses since I was 11 and didn't start receiving help until I was 21, and a lot of damage had happened in the meantime. I never saw myself turning 18, let alone 25.

But I am almost there. And my 24th birthday was good, thanks to my best friend. And I was feeling good overall and I was feeling incredibly proud of myself for coming so far, but things happened and I spiralled so hard. It's also been a decade I came out to my family as a lesbian and then realised i am non-binary after a while, and the whole shebang of having religious conservative parents... And I have been feeling extremely worthless once more and that I do not deserve any of it. To say it very very shortly - I had a family event and my parents chose to invite my cousin who abused me when I was a kid, and left me out. That just triggered something in me and I feel like a dam has burst open and I am drowning in self loathing and all the things that has gone wrong ever in my life. I rationally know I do deserve good things, and I was getting better, but my rational voice is so meek right now, and all the other voices are so strong, it's getting a little scary.

I am not quite sure what I am looking for here. I did make posts on RAOC earlier (I love mail - happy to send anyone a card, btw), but I have gotten significantly worse since. I would accept anything, a kind word, a picture of your cat or your dog or your garden or any pets, a card, anything really.

I also have an extremely hard time accepting anything that costs money (I'm working on it) because I feel undeserving of it, but my therapist encourages me to accept them even though, her point is people give me things on their own will, not because I ask, so is it okay for me to post my Amazon wishlist?

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate all of you.