edit to add: oh...my...gosh. My heart is completely overwhelmed with gratitude for all of your responses. I can't help tearing up. There will always be a part of me that is uncomfortable asking for help, that feels selfish and undeserving, but the value of all of your support is more than I can put into words. Thank you all so much and I'm excited to share thank you posts with the community to celebrate your awesomeness ❤❤❤

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Hurting, feeling alone, like a failure. Wall of text warning if you are interested in backstory, but reading is optional. tl;dr: I need some support and uplifting messages to help me pick myself up. If you can help, I would be so grateful. Please leave a comment and I will send you a PM with my address.

My relationship ended abruptly and messily late Saturday night, around 3am. He broke things off in a rage when I stood up to the verbal abuse I'd been receiving for far too long. It had been wearing at my self-esteem that I would stick around throughout his outbursts, eventually learning they would keep coming. He wasn't like that at first, and it certainly isn't who he portrayed himself to be. I moved too fast in the relationship, was too trusting, and ultimately too timid. That's not the kind of woman I thought I was.

He thought I would fold and beg him to change his mind. I think the primary reason I didn't was because it all happened within earshot of my sister, the initial outburst that motivated me to stand up for myself, the breakup, and his subsequent tear of insults and degredation to support his decision to end it (all happening inside a separate room but she could hear). She gave me the push I needed to recognize that's not the life I want to live. Sunday morning I started to pack. Seeing I was taking it seriously, he tried to take it back, but I stayed strong. With help from my family, I packed up and moved everything I owned out of the house (he owns) in 12 hours, all on 2.5 hours of sleep.

Right now I have a job with an hourly wage that makes living independently nearly impossible with my current slew of financial challenges. I'm hoping to get a second job and ultimately one well-paying job within the next year. But until then, my only last-minute option was to go to my parents' house. I'm 31, moved out at 18 and never looked back. I am grateful for this safety net, I know I'm lucky. But it's still a blow to my pride and it's a massive change in my lifestyle to try to figure out how I fit in this 4 person household now after living either alone or with a partner for so many years.

The worst part of it is that too much of me still loves that man. I know intellectually that I was deeply unhappy a lot of the time, ashamed, afraid...but I'm hurting beyond words, I feel it all through my body. I miss the good parts of him and I just feel more alone now than I ever have before, even in a house with family. As someone who is always on the go, doing, making, planning...I feel completely paralyzed. I don't know how to start taking steps and let myself separate from the feelings I have for him to focus on my own life. I know it will get easier, it's just unbearable right now.

So, I really I need some support and uplifting messages to help me pick myself up. If you can help, I would be so grateful. Please comment and I will send you a PM with my address.