Good evening, Night Vale,

I come to you with an offer for holiday cheer and existential paranoia. I have two Night Vale cards for the festive season and would be pleased to send them out into the universe.

For those unfamiliar with Night Vale, it is a friendly desert community where the local radio host Cecil gives us Night Valians the daily news. Just like every community, we have our ups and downs like traffic jams and giant glow clouds raining dead animals. You know, the normal day-to-day struggles.

If you’d like to receive a card, please shout into your phone “CARD,” wait seven to ten business days for a man dressed in a tan jacket whose face you can’t quite remember to show up at your door, and pray, really pray that it’s a card that he brings and not a briefcase filled with flies.

OR

1) Comment that you’d like to receive a card.

2) PM me your details

3) Share with me your favorite holiday tradition like the annual decking of the tree or the sacred blood pact between family members to really get in the holiday spirit.

Should you fail to send your information promptly, the sheriff’s secret police will come collect you for re-education of proper carding etiquette. You’ll be taken to the abandoned mineshaft outside of town, but on the plus side, free HBO while you’re there!

Two random people will be selected to receive the cards.

It’s random in the sense that we’re a rock hurdling through orbit and are only kept from burning up because of mere chance. That sort of random.

And good night, Night Vale. Good night.

*If you are a fan of Night Vale, I’ll also throw in a little extra goodies. All cards will be written as if they are from Night Vale. If you are unfamiliar with the program, be prepared for strangeness. Seriously check out the podcast if you’re into that sort of thing. It won’t disappoint. If you’re not a fan of the show and would like to have a little taste of it, feel free to comment anyway!