Hi friends. I need some help. I've had a terrible week and just want a few happy cards headed my way to help me keep my head up. My favorite cards are those made by the sender, followed closely by pictures of your pets.

I'm also going to use this space to complain, if that's okay. I just need to get it out.

I spent this past week in the Philippines with my family. It was awful, as my very JustNoMom was there, and I was subject to all forms of emotional abuse and manipulation the entire time. In my first few years being completely independent from my mom, I have spent very little time with her, and in very controlled doses, and this was my first time back in her control. I was hoping that it would be slightly different this time, and I've been working with my therapist on coping mechanisms and ways to be in control of the situation, but sometimes toxic relationships just don't change.

I was planning to at least cope with the abuse in order to see my (not JustNo) family members in the Philippines that I haven't seen for 20 years. But I spent most of my time with my mom and aunt and uncle, all of whom I grew up in Socal with, and who enable each other to be awful. I am still fighting my fear, obligation, and guilt as my mother's child, and was unable to assert my needs as I needed to. I never knew the plans, my preferences and objections were ignored, and I withdrew instead of standing my ground; and as a result, I only got to spend approximately 1 day of the week with the family members I intended to visit.

Instead of seeing the beautiful things the Philippines had to offer, I spent most of my time hiding in the house we were staying at (literally locked in -- I didn't know how to unlock the gates to leave), or sitting in a car in the Manila traffic to go to various shopping malls. I wasn't able to take care of my physical therapy needs, and I was tense the entire time, so my back pain flared up worse than it has in about a year. And to top it off, I accidentally poured water into my depression meds and had to toss all of them, so I haven't taken them in about a week. And I have a bug bite on my ankle that's concerningly tender and swollen (Going to a doctor today to get it seen and also get my medication refill). edit: good news! I don't have dengue fever! my body just overreacted.

Then, when I got back to the US, I learned that my uncle (that I wasn't close with, but I like. he's my dad's youngest brother) was found dead in his cabin. Also learned that a coworker that I like a lot's last day is today, my first day back at work.

All in all, a terrible fucking week.

If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. I will get better, I just need support.