Hello there 👋. Thanks in advance for taking a minute to humor me and check out my post! The title is what I'm looking for at a high level. But I understand it can be frustrating or difficult trying to find the right partner. Plus, I figure some women reading this might not have any experience with this sort of relationship. So I figured it'd make sense to really dive (heh) into the fine details of who I am, what exactly I'm hoping for, and why this is something I'm so passionate about!

I'm going to try and be concise. But there's also a lot I want to talk about, so this is inevitably going to be a bit of a read. So if you're someone who doesn't appreciate giant walls of sexy, informative text - don't run away just yet! I'll also be highlighting the important bits like this. So if you just want to get to the essence of what I'm trying to say, feel free to skim over these parts.

That being said, I'd still highly recommend reading all of it if you have the extra minute! I'm not a writer, and I'm sure that'll show. But I did put a lot of soul and effort into writing this. I also tried super hard to edit and proofread things carefully to make sure there weren't too many useless sentences in here. Like that one. And that one. And that one... Ahhhh, infinite loop oh nooo! \head explosion\**

Ahem. Anyway, with all that boring introductory stuff out of the way, let me jump right into this by er... Introducing myself. I'm 33 years old, about 5'8, ~200lb, white, and pretty nerdy (if that somehow wasn't blatantly obvious at this point). I love to read books, play video games, watch movies, play guitar, go hiking, and in general try new things. I write code for a living, I have two cats and a dog that I love with all my heart! And am regularly trying to learn new things and keep an open mind for new experiences. I guess my point really in saying all this is that I'm a relatively average guy*. *(All things considered)

Alright, so now that you know a little bit more about me (more on that later), let me talk about what I'm looking for. First and foremost, I want to be an effortless and drama free source of stress relief, support, and/or release in your life. And I hope you'll hold me to that statement from day 1!

So what does all of that mean to me? Well, primarily I'm looking for a woman who would enjoy receiving massages and/or oral sex on an on-going basis and with no reciprocation. Just to be 100% clear, this doesn't have to be a sexual or intimate relationship if that's not what you want in general, or on any particular day. So if you ever just wanted to get massages, chat, or cuddle with no sexual or intimate element involved, that's totally fine too!

I know some might feel uncomfortable with the idea of being 'selfish' in a relationship. But I'd like you to keep in mind that at the end of the day, I do this because I LOVE doing it. More than... Well, pretty much anything else as odd as that may sound. So please don't look at this as a one-sided relationship. To me it's a privilege to be a part of someone's life in this way, and to have the opportunity to make another person's life better or easier in such a personal and intimate way. But I'll get into that more later.

Another important aspect of the relationship to me is that I want this to be completely at your convenience (schedules allowing), and with as few strings attached as possible. I do work full time, and I have certain things that can't be shuffled around outside of that. So I can't always make that desire a reality, and scheduling ahead of time will always be the most consistent route. But conceptually, I really love the idea of being the person you call on a whim when you find yourself in the mood for a little "Me" time. So please don't be shy about that. Even if it's last minute and you only need me for 20 minutes. Call me. Use me. It'll make my day!

Lastly, the dream on my end is really for this to be custom-tailored to your preferences and specific circumstances. That's part of the fun! For example, maybe for you this is primarily about stress relief. Maybe you work a super taxing job, and after a long, grueling day you just want to come home, eat some dinner, watch your favorite TV show, and vent/rant to someone about your day while getting your feet & shoulders rubbed just the way you like it.

Or maybe it's physical therapy. You work on your feet 40 hours a week and suffer from chronic fibromyalgia. I'm not a professional by any means. So y'know, please keep that in mind and consult a physician if you need to! But I would love nothing more than to spend countless hours learning and practicing how to massage your body until I know every little nuance. From where you carry tension in your back and shoulders, to the exact placement and pressure you prefer, to the oils, scents, and lotions you like feeling on your body.

Maybe you're in a situation where you don't have the time or energy for a serious relationship, but you still have physical needs or would like the idea of having someone to talk and flirt with, or some companionship on occasion. Maybe you love receiving oral, but have never had anyone spend more than 15 minutes down there and want to experience what it's like to be completely selfish. Ok, that's probably enough what-ifs. Hopefully you get the point! The bottom line is, I'd love to hear where and how I might fit into YOUR life. So please don't be shy about sharing that with me if we talk!

Hopefully this goes without saying. But to be 100% clear, I have absolutely no expectations or sense of ownership towards you or your time, and will ALWAYS try to respect any and all boundaries you have. If you ultimately decide this isn't for you for any reason or at any time, I promise I won't be a jerk about it. When I say at your convenience, I mean both in the immediate sense and in the sense that this relationship can last as long as you'd like it to.

Ok! So now that you hopefully have a bit of a better idea of who I am and what I'm looking for, let me take a minute to switch gears and answer what's probably the most frequent question I get:

(Ok that all sounds great. So what's the catch then?)

Well, that's a tricky question. From my perspective, there is none. I really do want nothing in return, I'm exactly who I say I am (If I wasn't then why would I say I am? (Damn it Eminem, not now!)). However, there are 3 things about me that do commonly cause issues which I'd like to be upfront about (I apologize for not putting this at the top. Especially if it turns out I've completely wasted your time. But I wanted to fully explain the dynamic of the relationship I'm looking for since this is a new concept to most people I talk to, and I'm selfishly hoping the extra context might factor into your decision.) :

1. I'm in an open marriage. (Open as in my wife knows I do this, and she's totally cool with it. If you're concerned I may be cheating and you want absolute proof, you'd be welcome to talk to her personally. But otherwise you'd never meet or talk to her, and she wouldn't be directly involved in our relationship aside from looking out for my personal safety when we first meet.)
2. I'm generally unable to host. (That being said, if you're uneasy about having me over initially, I'd be more than happy to get us a hotel room for our first time. In the long run though, I'd need to come to you.)
3. I think I'm relatively average in terms of appearance. (Not sure if this is even worth saying. But just wanted to be upfront that I've been called handsome, disappointingly average, and have been immediately ghosted upon sending pictures in the past. So at the very least I think it's safe to say I have no intention of quitting my day job and becoming a model. Either way, there's genuinely no hard feelings if I'm simply not your type for whatever reason!)

Alright! So assuming I haven't scared you off yet, I think it's a good time to mention that I do have some hard requirements on who I can and will meet with. I think they're all fairly reasonable and pretty straightforward. (But I did put some explanation in parenthesis after each one with some clarification on my reasoning.)

1. Must be single or in an open relationship. (If you're in a relationship, your partner MUST be both aware of this and ok with it. PLEASE don't use me to cheat! No judgement - I understand everyone's situation is unique, and we all have needs. I just don't want to be responsible for hurting anyone's feelings, or get attacked by an angry husband.)
2. Must be able to host. (at least in the long run) (As I said before, if you feel uncomfortable having me over at your place initially, I totally respect that and would have no problem with getting us a hotel room. You feeling safe and comfortable is extremely important to me, and I'm happy to go out of my way to achieve that. But I'm unfortunately not a millionaire. So couldn't keep that up forever! For what it's worth, I'm also open to and experienced with public/car play if that's something that sounds fun or interesting to you.)
3. Must be free of STIs. (if oral is involved) (I hope this one doesn't come off as rude. But I don't have any infections and hope to keep it that way! So please be upfront. Even if you have an STI, that doesn't mean there's nothing I can do for you. It just limits our options a bit.)
4. Must be over 21 (I find that whether or not I get along with someone is more about their personality than their age. So age in general isn't THAT important to me. But I do tend to get along better with older women and women around my own age. Admittedly, I do kind of have a thing for women who are in their 40s and haven't had a good opportunity to really explore their sexuality. That always ends up being SO much fun.)

And a couple less concrete requirements which are a bit harder to clearly define, but I figured might be worth mentioning:

Personality/Chemistry is a major factor (Something that's really cool to me about doing this is that it's given me the opportunity to really get to know people that I otherwise wouldn't have talked to, or had anything in common with. So I think what's most important to me is having a partner who shares my enthusiasm for the spirit of the relationship and is unapologetically herself! So please don't go out of your way to try and impress me or try to be anyone other than yourself when I'm around (well, roleplaying aside if you're into that! ;) ). Part of the reward for me is having the privilege of experiencing the real you and sharing in the genuine pleasure that comes from you making this relationship your own. I hope that kind of makes sense! )

Communication is a must (I respect that people have different schedules, circumstances, and habits of communication. And I'm more than happy to be flexible and try to work around your situation as much as possible. But if you can't be transparent with me about basic things, or you're someone who regularly disappears for weeks at a time without any sort of context or explanation, that's likely going to be a deal-breaker for me!)

Something else I want to point out is that I have no preference or bias towards any race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, level of experience, political leaning, or anything like that. I'm white, male, straight, was raised Catholic although I'd consider myself an Agnostic/Atheist these days. I tend to lean on the more liberal side politically, I do smoke weed recreationally on occasion, and I think Donald Trump is a terrible person. If any of those things are a problem for you I'll respect that of course - that's why I wanted to be upfront about it here.

But for what it's worth, over all my years of doing this I've met and had an amazing time with people from a variety of different backgrounds, cultures, religions, views, levels of education, and walks of life. So please don't let our differences stop you from reaching out to me if that's a concern of yours! If the only thing we have in common is that you like getting massages and I like giving them, that's totally fine with me. As long as we can treat each other with mutual respect and enjoy our time together.

That being said, requirements and all that aside, there are a few things that are a HUGE bonus in my book (listed below). Definitely let me know if any of these apply to you for bonus points! :P

1. You have a particularly stressful life/situation. (This is by far one of the biggest motivators for me. I really love something about the concept of doing this as a means to relieve stress or tension in someone's life. I see so many stressed out people every day and watch them carry it with them everywhere they go. Nothing would make me happier than the idea of being a part of your recovery process.)
2. You're a victim of abuse and/or struggle with intimacy. (Over my years of pursuing this I've had the privilege of meeting several women who've shared their personal stories of the abusive relationships they've endured and how it made it difficult for them to feel comfortable with their own bodies or the vulnerability that comes with intimacy. I don't want to make any promises since everyone's situation is unique and I'm just some dude at the end of the day. But some have found the environment and level of control this sort of relationship offers to be a safe and effective way to ease back into things and explore their sexuality at their own pace. If any of that resonates with you, please let me know. I promise to listen and respect you at all times, and have absolutely no problem being patient and taking anything in our relationship as slowly as you need me to. No pressure, no rush, no expectations. Just endless support, effort, and celebrating our progress together! )
3. Your current situation makes it particularly challenging for you to find or want a serious relationship. (Single mothers, graveyard shift workers, medical staff, people with extremely busy lives, etc. Basically anyone who has a natural disadvantage or challenge in the already tedious and frustrating world of dating. I understand that this sort of thing may not be the ideal long-term solution to your situation. But my hope is that it's at least something positive. Everyone has needs, and I would be so happy to play a part in helping you satisfy yours for as long as you have a place for me in your life.)
4. You've never been able to orgasm from oral sex before. (This is a bold statement, but I take a lot of pride in being good at what I do. Aside from having quite a bit of experience, I'm also very passionate about cunnilingus and really try to go out of my way to constantly learn, grow, and improve. There's almost nothing I enjoy more than the challenge and satisfaction of making a difficult woman cum. Or the magic I feel when I get to share the experience of my partner's first full body orgasm. If you don't think you can possibly cum from oral sex, I'd love to have the pleasure of proving you wrong! Even if we don't get there the first time we meet, I promise I'll always go for as long as it takes, try as many times as you want me to, and do my best to constantly learn and improve. Whether it's our first time or hundredth, whether that be from listening to your direct verbal feedback, or paying close attention to every twitch, moan, and breath while you're melting under the warmth of my tongue. While I can't promise I'll be successful, I do promise I'll always have the same level of enthusiasm, and take the same meticulous approach, attention to detail, and effort that I used in writing this post to give you the most mind-blowing orgasm you've ever experienced. Not to make it sound too boring or anything ;))
5. You can go for hours / are multi-orgasmic. (It's a bit hard to explain this one. But there's just something SO hot to me about the sort of build up and the ebb and flow that comes with going for hours non-stop. I love seeing my partner get to a point where she's completely worn out and her clit is so sensitive and swollen that any amount of pressure will overwhelm her. And I love everything about the process of slowly teasing, edging, and building up from that point until she starts to recover and demands more stimulation. Mmm! I would literally eat pussy as a full time job if that were possible/legal. I'm insatiable. So please, never worry about whether you're taking too long. I'll ALWAYS be craving more. (It's a blessing and a curse sometimes))

Phew! That was a lot to get through. But hopefully that gives you a much better idea of who and what I'm looking for, and an idea of why it is I do this. If you're still with me, thank you so much for reading and I hope to talk to you soon! Naturally, if you have ANY questions about me, feel free to ask. No matter how personal.

Last but not least, if you're still curious to learn more, I'm also going to answer a few frequently asked questions below. At a high level these questions address concerns around STIs, safety & logistics, why I don't accept reciprocation, and why I enjoy doing this:

Q: This sounds fun and all, but I'm really worried about getting an STI from you. You're clearly a man-whore, how do I know you won't give me mega-herpes or something?

A: Hey now, don't call me a man-whore, that's not nice. And I'm pretty sure mega-herpes isn't even a thing! Anyway, I do get tested regularly and I'm willing to show you physical results as proof. I'm also willing to get freshly tested on request provided it's been at least a couple months since my last test.

Q: Sure, you SAID you weren't an axe-murderer, but that's probably exactly what a fancy axe-murderer WOULD say! How do I know you are who you say you are?!

A: Good point, I'm no expert on axe-murderers, but if I was going to get into the lucrative business of axe-murdering I'd totally start by telling people I wasn't one. Or better yet avoiding the conversation entirely.

I have no problem meeting up first and chatting somewhere neutral over coffee or whatever. We can text/e-mail back and forth until you're comfortable, we can take as long as you want for us to get to know each other, I can share my personal Facebook account with you and you can stalk me all the way back to my cringey teenage years of posting passive-aggressive song lyrics. There's a lot of options really, but ultimately the unfortunate truth is that I don't know of anything that's realistically 100% fool proof and eliminates all risk.

I mean the only way anyone can REALLY prove they're not a murderer is to not murder you. And even that logic is kinda dubious. Either way, I'm definitely open to suggestions on whatever will make you feel more comfortable. (Within reason - please don't insult me by asking if I'll give you money or some kind of arrangement along those lines.)

Q: What are you playing at? No reciprocation? What's the catch? Let me guess, you're just using this as some gimmick to get sex. 'Oooh, thanks for giving me a nice relaxing massage and the best head of my life. Fuck me now you big strong man'.

A: Well I really hope you end up feeling that good about me when I'm done. And I do always appreciate being reminded what a big, strong man I am. But no, I really and sincerely don't want anything in return, nor will I accept it.

There's two main reasons I don't accept reciprocation. The first is that it's more satisfying to me, which I'll get into later. The second is more of an important logistical reason. Which is simply that it typically makes it easier for my partner to enjoy the experience (and therefore easier for me to get what I want).

I think an unfortunate reality is that an unfair amount of pressure is put on women to be sexy and to ‘perform’. On top of that we’ve put so much unnecessary fear and importance into sex. It effects both genders to some extent, but I personally feel like women have it much worse in that regard. Not being able to 'perform’ well is something that can ruin or strain a relationship. So many women end up being constantly concerned about whether or not they look, smell, taste, sound, or feel sexy enough. They struggle to enjoy things like oral sex or massages because they’re constantly wondering whether or not their partner is enjoying it. Or they’re worried about offending/hurting their partner so they fake orgasms or don’t communicate their wants/needs in a direct manner. The list goes on!

So part of the idea of it being 100% about your pleasure is to mitigate and remove as many of those distractions as possible. You don’t need to wonder whether or not I’m enjoying it or whether you’re taking too long. You never have to worry about me taking advice or feedback the wrong way; we’re working towards the same goal! No ulterior motive, I’m not just going through the motions so I can get a blowjob. Relationships can be complicated sometimes. But what’s great about this one is that it’s extremely simple. I make you feel good, you teach me how to do it better, and we both love every moment of it! ;)

Q: I still don’t understand how doing this could possibly be its own reward for you. I’m an extremely cynical woman and life has beaten me down to the point where I can’t even fathom the concept of someone with an altruistic nature or a conveniently symbiotic fetish. Can you elaborate more on what you actually GET out of this?

A: In a literal sense, usually just a wet face or sore arms/neck/back/jaw depending on how the night went :P. But all joking aside, if I had to break down exactly what it is I love so much about doing this I’d probably say there’s 5 main things:

1. I like making people happy. Sure there’s probably thousands of less perverted and more noble ways of accomplishing that. But there’s something about the intimacy of this and being able to share this experience with someone that's completely magical to me. Both massaging and oral sex are things that are very enjoyable to me in a sort of empathetic sense - taking someone who is sore/stressed/horny and helping them release all of that pent up tension/frustration/horniness is something that's extremely therapeutic for me. It gives me something to focus 100% of my attention on and helps me forget about my problems for a little bit. Plus, it makes me feel like a superhero. Yes, I know it may sound a little silly or ridiculous, but I definitely do get a big high from this! So yes, it's about making you happy. But it's also about me getting my next fix of your sweet nectar 😜.
2. It’s a fetish, which I’d say has two parts to it. The first part is I just love everything about the experience of eating pussy in general. Looking up and seeing her eyes light up with pleasure, hearing her moan in ecstasy, feeling her muscles tighten and relax as she starts to lose control of her body, tasting & smelling her wetness covering my face. Mmm!! I get so worked up on just the idea of eating pussy alone. Even after doing it regularly for so many years, each time is like Christmas morning to me (I swear I’m being honest :P). There’s also a lot of specific little subtleties that I love about it, but this is already so much information. And you probably don’t want me to bore you with a 5 page essay about all the subtle things I love about eating pussy so I’ll just leave it at that and say it’s something I’m extremely passionate about! :)The second part of the fetish is a lot harder to really articulate properly because it’s of a much more psychological nature rather than a strictly carnal one. But basically I just love the concept of a relationship in which I’m being ‘used’ in this sort of way. Not to say I’m necessarily submissive from a kink standpoint - I’d consider myself more of a switch in that regard. I think part of what it comes down to is that it’s such a turn on for me knowing I have this sort of ‘place’ in your life. You may or may not think about me much during your regular work day, and you may never talk about me to any of your friends. But I love knowing that when the mood arises, whether you’re stressed, sore, horny, or whatever, you’re going to be thinking about me. That’s largely why I much prefer to do this 100% at your convenience rather than planning too far ahead. Because a lot can happen over the course of a week and I don’t want anyone ever feeling ‘obligated’ to see me. I like the idea of being sort of a private tool at your disposal.
3. I like the challenge. There’s actually quite a lot of technique, strategy, psychology, and finesse to giving good head and good massages. Some women are really easy to please, which is fine of course. But there's ALWAYS room for improvement. And of course, like I said before I love it when I run into a woman that requires hours of attention or really precise technique or conditions to satisfy. It's so rewarding to figure out, and it comes with the ultimate prize! There’s also something uniquely satisfying for me about getting to a point where I know my partner's body & preferences so well that it basically becomes muscle memory for me, and I can pleasure her just the way she likes it without having to focus directly on what I'm doing. Doing so lets me focus more on appreciating her taste and all of the million little nuances to her orgasm. Ugh, just having a front row seat to my partner's orgasm is SO amazing!! Words can't express how beautiful it is to me seeing her unique way of expressing the immense pleasure she's experiencing. It's part of what makes me get so addicted. It’s also just conceptually so hot to me when I can get to the point with my partner where she's essentially putty in my hands! (Spoiler alert, I do like to tease a bit, but in a fun way :P) .
4. I like the conversation. One of the coolest things about this to me is that I get to meet people that I may never have naturally talked to in my normal life. People with totally different ways of life, backgrounds, philosophies, and problems - it’s so interesting to learn about someone, and I always end up learning new things about myself! It’s also cool because it puts me in a very unique position in your life. You can talk or vent to me like a close friend about whatever is on your mind. I can give constructive criticism, feedback, advice if you'd like. Or I can just be an ear to talk to with no judgement. And since I’m not in your regular social circle you don’t really have to worry about there being any negative side-effects to you sharing your thoughts or feelings with me (not that there WOULD be if I WAS ;)). I think it’s genuinely interesting to learn about people and have deep conversations about things that some people shy away from like philosophy, politics, religion, or just anything that you find personally meaningful and interesting. And the beauty of it is that if the conversation ever takes a turn that bores you or is out of your general comfort zone, you can always just kick back and enjoy your massage in silence if you'd like. Or if you ever get sick of hearing me talk, you’re always welcome to put my face between your legs as a means of instantly winning any debate, ending a conversation, or thanking me ;).
5. I like that it’s something a little different. Massages are expensive, and a lot of guys either don’t like or don’t take eating pussy very seriously, or simply don’t understand it. It’s just sort of cool to me to be able to offer something that many people might consider 'too good to be true’. Plus, I have to admit I do get a certain sort of perverse satisfaction out of the different reactions I get from people regarding this. You'd think that would get old after 12 years, but what can I say. I don't think it ever will!