Hello there! Thanks in advance for checking out my post and taking a minute to humor me. The title sums up what I'm looking for at a high level. But I understand a lot of people might have reservations about pursuing this sort of relationship. So I wanted to take a little extra time to really dive into who I am, why I enjoy this sort of relationship, and what I'm hoping to get out of it!

I'm going to try and be concise. But there's also a lot I want to talk about, so this is inevitably going to be a bit of a read. So if you're someone who doesn't appreciate giant walls of sexy, informative text - don't run away! I'll be highlighting the important bits like this. So if you just want to get to the essence of what I'm trying to say, feel free to skim over these parts.

That being said, I'd still highly recommend reading all of it if you have the extra minute! I'm not a writer, but I did put a lot of soul and effort into writing this. I also tried super hard to edit and proofread things carefully to make sure there weren't too many useless sentences in here. Like that one. And that one. And that one... Ahhhh, infinite loop oh nooo! \head explosion**

Ahem. Anyway, with all that boring introductory stuff out of the way, let me jump right into this by er... Introducing myself. I'm 33 years old, about 5'8, ~200lb, white, and pretty nerdy (if that somehow wasn't blatantly obvious at this point). I love to read books, play video games, watch movies, play guitar, go hiking, and try new things. I write code for a living, I have two cats and a dog that I love with all my heart! And am regularly trying to learn new things and keep an open mind for new experiences. I guess my point really in saying all this is that I'm a relatively average guy*. *(All things considered)

Alright, so now that you have a general idea of who I am, let me talk more about what I'm looking for. First and foremost, I want to be an effortless and drama free source of stress relief, support, and/or release in your life. And I hope you'll to hold me to that statement from day 1!

So what does all of that mean to me? Well, primarily I'm looking for a woman who would enjoy receiving massages and/or oral sex on a regular basis and with no reciprocation. Just to be 100% clear, this doesn't have to be a sexual or intimate relationship if that's not what you want in general, or on any given day. So if you ever just wanted to get massages with no sexual or intimate aspect involved, that's totally fine too!

I know some might feel uncomfortable with the idea of being 'selfish' in a relationship. But keep in mind that at the end of the day, I do this because I LOVE doing it. More than... Well, pretty much anything else as odd as that may sound. So please don't look at this as a one-sided relationship. To me it's a privilege to be a part of someone's life in this way, and to have the opportunity to make another person's life better or easier in such a personal and intimate way. But I'll get into that more at the end of all this.

Another thing that I want to be a little different about this relationship is that I want this to be completely at your convenience (schedules allowing), and with as few strings attached as possible. I do work full time, and I do have somewhat of a life. So I can't always make that a reality and scheduling ahead of time will always be the most consistent route. But conceptually, I love the idea of being the person you have on speed dial when you're suddenly in the mood for a little "Me" time.

Lastly, the dream on my end is really for this to be tailored to your preferences and specific circumstances. For example, maybe for you this is primarily about stress relief. Maybe you work a super stressful job, and after a long, grueling day you just want to come home, eat some dinner, watch your favorite TV show, and vent to someone about your day while getting a foot rub.

Or maybe it's physical therapy. You work on your feet 40 hours a week and suffer from chronic fibromyalgia. I'm not a professional by any means. So y'know, keep that in mind! But I would love nothing more than to spend countless hours learning and practicing how to massage your body until I know every little nuance. From where you carry tension in your back and shoulders, to the exact placement and pressure you prefer, to the oils, scents, and lotions you like having on your body.

Maybe your in a situation where you don't have the time or energy for a 'real' boyfriend, but you still have needs. Maybe you love receiving oral, but have never had anyone do a good job or spend more than 15 minutes down there, and would love to have a man who can go non-stop for hours. Ok, that's probably enough what-ifs. Hopefully you get the point! The bottom line is, I'd love to hear where and how I might fit into YOUR life. So please don't be shy about sharing that with me if we talk!

Hopefully this goes without saying. But to be 100% clear, I have absolutely no expectations or sense of ownership towards you or your time, and will ALWAYS try to respect any and all boundaries you have. If you ultimately decide this isn't for you for any reason, I promise I won't be a jerk about it.

Ok! So now that you hopefully have a bit of a better idea of who I am and what I'm looking for, let me take a minute to switch gears and answer what's probably the most frequent question I get:

(Ok that all sounds great. So what's the catch then?)

Well, that's a tricky question. From my perspective, there is none. I really do want nothing in return, I'm exactly who I say I am (If I wasn't then why would I say I am? (Damn it Eminem, not now!)). However, there are 3 things about me that do commonly cause issues which I'd like to be upfront about (I apologize for not putting these at the top. Especially if it turns out I've completely wasted your time. But I wanted to fully explain the dynamic of the relationship I'm looking for since this is a new concept to most people I talk to.) :

1. I'm in an open marriage. (Open as in my wife knows I do this, and she's totally cool with it. If you're concerned I may be cheating and you want absolute proof, you'd be welcome to talk to her personally. But otherwise you'd never meet or talk to her, and she wouldn't be directly involved in our relationship aside from things regarding my personal safety or her needs.)
2. I'm generally unable to host. (That being said, if you're uneasy about having me over initially, I'd be more than happy to get us a hotel room for our first time. In the long run though, I'd need to come to you.)
3. I'm relatively average in terms of appearance. (Not sure if this is even worth putting here. But just wanted to be upfront that I've been called handsome, disappointingly average, and have sometimes been immediately ghosted upon sending pictures. So at the very least I think it's safe to say I have no intention of quitting my day job and becoming a model. Either way, there's no hard feelings if I'm simply not your type physically!)

Alright! So assuming I haven't scared you off yet, I think it's a good time to mention that I do have some hard requirements on who I can and will meet with. I think they're all fairly reasonable and pretty straightforward. (But I did put some explanation in parenthesis after each one with some clarification on my reasoning.)

1. Must be single or in an open relationship. (If you're in a relationship, your partner MUST be both aware of this and ok with it. PLEASE don't use me to cheat! No judgement, I understand everyone's situation is unique. I just don't want to be a part of that.)
2. Must be able to host. (at least in the long run) (As I said before, if you feel uncomfortable having me over at your place initially, I totally respect that and would have no problem with getting us a hotel room. You feeling safe and comfortable is extremely important to me! But I'm unfortunately not a millionaire. So couldn't keep that up forever!)
3. Must be at least 21 or older. (I find that whether or not I get along with someone is more about their personality than age. So age in general isn't THAT important to me in either direction. But 21 feels like an appropriate cut off point.)
4. Must be free of STIs. (if oral is involved) (I hope this one doesn't come off as rude. But I don't have any infections and hope to stay that way until I'm old and grey! So please be upfront. Even if you have an STI, that doesn't mean there's nothing I can do for you. It just limits our options a bit.)

And a couple less concrete requirements which are a bit harder to clearly define, but hopefully are sort of common sense:

Personality/Chemistry is a major factor (First and foremost, I do love and appreciate enthusiasm! I'm aware of how strange this concept can be and try to be accommodating. But I have to admit there's something so fun and attractive to me about a woman who shares my excitement about the relationship and isn't afraid to embrace it and be vocal with me about her wants, needs, and desires!)

Communication is a must (I respect that people have different schedules, circumstances, and habits of communication. And I'm more than happy to be flexible and try to work around your situation. But if you're someone who can't be transparent with me, or who takes a week to respond without any sort of context or explanation, that's likely going to be a deal-breaker for me!)

Something else I want to point out is that I have no preference or bias towards any race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, level of experience, political leaning, or anything like that. I'm white, male, straight, was raised Catholic although I'd consider myself an Agnostic/Atheist these days. I tend to lean on the more liberal side politically, I do smoke weed recreationally on occasion, and I think Donald Trump is a terrible man. If any of those things are a problem for you I'll respect that of course - that's why I wanted to be upfront about it here.

But for what it's worth, over all my years of doing this I've met and had an amazing time with women from a variety of different backgrounds, cultures, religions, views, levels of education, and walks of life. So please don't let our differences stop you from reaching out to me if that's a concern of yours! If the only thing we have in common is that you like free massages and I give them, that's totally fine with me. As long as we can treat each other with mutual respect.

That being said, requirements and all that aside, there are a few things that are a HUGE bonus in my book (listed below). Definitely let me know if any of these apply to you for bonus points! :P

1. You have a particularly stressful life/situation. (This is by far one of the most important things to me. I really love something about the concept of doing this to relieve stress both in a physical and emotional sense. I see so many stressed out people in my life every day and watch them carry it with them everywhere they go. Nothing makes me happier than the idea of being a part of your recovery process.)
2. You're a victim of abuse and/or struggle with intimacy. (Over my years of doing this I've met a lot of women who've shared their personal stories of abusive relationships they've had in the past and how it's made it difficult for them to feel comfortable with the vulnerability that comes with intimacy. I don't want to make any promises since everyone's situation is unique. But some have found the environment and level of control this relationship offers to be an effective way to ease back into things and explore. If any of that resonates with you, please let me know. I promise to listen and respect you at all times, and have absolutely no problem being patient and taking anything in our relationship as slowly as you need me to. No pressure, no expectations.)
3. Your current situation makes it particularly challenging for you to find or want a serious relationship. (Single mothers, graveyard shift workers, medical staff, people with extremely busy lives, etc. Basically anyone who has a natural disadvantage or challenge in the already tedious and frustrating world of dating. I understand that this sort of thing may not be the ideal long-term solution to your situation. But my hope is that it's at least something positive. Everyone has needs, and I would be so happy to have the privilege of helping you satisfy yours for as long as you want me in your life.)
4. You've never been able to orgasm from oral sex before. (I take a lot of pride in being good at what I do. Aside from having quite a bit of experience, I'm also very passionate about it and really try to go out of my way to constantly learn, grow, and improve. There's almost nothing I enjoy more than the challenge and satisfaction of making a difficult woman cum. Few things are genuinely as satisfying to me as the feeling I get from the surprise on someone's face when they experience a full body orgasm for the first time and how amazing it feels. If you don't think you can possibly cum from oral sex, I'd love to have the pleasure of proving you wrong! I'll go for as long as it takes, try as many times as you want me to, and listen to any feedback you have. And while I can't promise I'll be successful, I do promise I'll take the same meticulous approach, attention to detail, and effort that I used in writing this post to give you the most mind-blowing orgasm you've ever experienced. Not to make it sound too boring or anything ;))
5. You can go for hours / are multi-orgasmic. (It's a bit hard to explain this one. But there's just something SO hot to me about the sort of build up that comes with going for hours non-stop. I love seeing my partner get to a point where she's completely worn out and her clit is so sensitive and swollen that any amount of pressure will overwhelm her. And I love everything about the process of slowly teasing & building up from that point until she starts to recover and demands more stimulation. Mmm! I would literally eat pussy as a full time job if that were possible. I'm insatiable.)

Phew! That was a lot to get through. But hopefully that gives you a much better idea of who and what I'm looking for, and an idea of why I want this. If you're still with me, thank you so much for reading and I hope to talk to you soon! Naturally, if you have ANY questions about me, feel free to ask. No matter how personal.

Last but not least, if you're still curious to learn more, I'm also going to answer a few frequently asked questions below. At a high level these questions address concerns around STIs, safety & logistics, why I don't accept reciprocation, and why I enjoy doing this:

Q: This sounds fun and all, but I'm really worried about getting an STI from you. You're clearly a man-whore, how do I know you won't give me mega-herpes or something?

A: Hey now, don't call me a man-whore, that's not nice. And I'm pretty sure mega-herpes isn't even a thing! Anyway, I do get tested regularly and I'm willing to show you physical results as proof. I'm also willing to get freshly tested on request provided it's been at least a couple months since my last test.

Q: Sure, you SAID you weren't an axe-murderer, but that's probably exactly what a fancy axe-murderer WOULD say! How do I know you are who you say you are?!

A: Good point, I'm no expert on axe-murderers, but if I was going to get into the lucrative business of axe-murdering I'd totally start by telling people I wasn't one. Or better yet avoiding the conversation entirely.

I have no problem meeting up first and chatting somewhere neutral over coffee or whatever. We can text/e-mail back and forth until you're comfortable, we can take as long as you want for us to get to know each other, I can share my personal Facebook account with you and you can stalk me all the way back to my cringey teenage years of posting passive-aggressive song lyrics. There's a lot of options really, but ultimately the unfortunate truth is that I don't know of anything that's realistically 100% fool proof and eliminates all risk.

I mean the only way anyone can REALLY prove they're not a murderer is to not murder you. And even that logic is kinda dubious. Either way, I'm definitely open to suggestions on whatever will make you feel more comfortable. (Within reason - please don't insult me by asking if I'll give you money or some kind of arrangement along those lines.)

Q: What are you playing at? No reciprocation? What's the catch? Let me guess, you're just using this as some gimmick to get sex. 'Oooh, thanks for giving me a nice relaxing massage and the best head of my life. Fuck me now you big strong man'.

A: Well I really hope you end up feeling that good about me when I'm done. And I do always appreciate being reminded what a big, strong man I am. But no, I really and sincerely don't want anything in return, nor will I accept it.

There's two main reasons I don't accept reciprocation. The first is that it's more satisfying to me, which I'll get into later. The second is more of an important logistical reason. Which is simply that it typically makes it easier for my partner to enjoy the experience (and therefore easier for me to get what I want).

I think an unfortunate reality is that an unfair amount of pressure is put on women to be sexy and to ‘perform’. On top of that we’ve put so much unnecessary fear and importance into sex. It effects both genders to some extent, but I personally feel like women have it much worse in that regard. Not being able to 'perform’ well is something that can ruin or strain a relationship. So many women end up being constantly concerned about whether or not they look, smell, taste, sound, or feel sexy enough. They struggle to enjoy things like oral sex or massages because they’re constantly wondering whether or not their partner is enjoying it. Or they’re worried about offending/hurting their partner so they fake orgasms or don’t communicate their wants/needs in a direct manner. The list goes on!

So part of the idea of it being 100% about your pleasure is to mitigate and remove as many of those distractions as possible. You don’t need to wonder whether or not I’m enjoying it or whether you’re taking too long. You never have to worry about me taking advice or feedback the wrong way; we’re working towards the same goal! No ulterior motive, I’m not just going through the motions so I can get a blowjob. Relationships can be complicated sometimes. But what’s great about this one is that it’s extremely simple. I make you feel good, you teach me how to do it better, and we both love every moment of it! ;)

Q: I still don’t understand how doing this could possibly be its own reward for you. I’m an extremely cynical woman and life has beaten me down to the point where I can’t even fathom the concept of someone with an altruistic nature or a conveniently symbiotic fetish. Can you elaborate more on what you actually GET out of this?

A: In a literal sense, usually just a wet face or sore arms/neck/back/jaw depending on how the night went :P. But all joking aside, if I had to break down exactly what it is I love so much about doing this I’d probably say there’s 5 main things:

1. I like making people happy. Sure there’s probably thousands of less perverted and more noble ways of accomplishing that, but there’s something about the intimacy of this and being able to sort of share this experience with someone that's completely magical to me. Both massaging and oral sex are things that have a lot of empathy - taking someone who is sore/stressed/horny and helping them release all that tension/frustration is something that is extremely therapeutic for me. It helps me forget about my problems and feel like a superhero for a little bit. Yes, I know it may sound a little silly or ridiculous, but I definitely do get a big high from this as well! It’s hard to properly explain, but being able to see the contrast in someone and knowing that what they’re experiencing is directly related to my actions is such a good feeling to me!
2. It’s a fetish, which I’d say has two parts to it. The first part is I just love everything about the experience of eating pussy in general. Looking up and seeing her eyes light up with pleasure, hearing her moan in ecstasy, feeling her muscles tighten and relax as she starts to lose control of her body, tasting & smelling her wetness all over my face. Mmm!! I get so worked up on just the idea of eating pussy alone. Even after doing it regularly for so many years, each time is like Christmas to me (I swear I’m being honest :P). There’s also a lot of specific little subtleties that I love about it, but this is already so much information. And you probably don’t want me to bore you with 5 pages about the various things I love about eating pussy so I’ll just leave it at that and say it’s something I’m extremely passionate about! :)

The second part of the fetish is a lot harder to really articulate properly because it’s of a much more psychological nature rather than a strictly carnal one. But basically I just love the concept of a relationship in which I’m being ‘used’ in this sort of way. Not to say I’m necessarily submissive from a kink standpoint - I’d consider myself more of a switch in that regard. I think part of what it comes down to is that it’s such a turn on for me knowing I have this sort of ‘place’ in your life. You may or may not think about me much during your regular work day, and you may never talk about me to any of your friends. But I love knowing that when the mood arises, whether you’re stressed, sore, horny, or whatever, you’re going to be thinking about me. That’s largely why I much prefer to do this 100% at your convenience rather than planning too far ahead. Because a lot can happen over the course of a week and I don’t want anyone ever feeling ‘obligated’ to see me. I like the idea of being sort of a private tool at your disposal. 3. I like the challenge. There’s actually quite a lot of technique, strategy, psychology, and finesse to giving good head and good massages. Some women are really easy to please, which is fine of course. But I love it when I run into a woman that requires hours of attention or really precise technique or conditions to satisfy. It makes me really feel like I’m really doing something special, and like I said before, I take pride in being good at what I do. There’s also something uniquely satisfying for me about getting to a point where I know my partner's body & preferences so well that it basically becomes muscle memory for me, and I can pleasure her just the way she likes it without having to focus directly on all the little details. It’s also so hot to me when I can get to the point with someone where they’re essentially putty in my hands! (Spoiler alert, I do like to tease a bit, but in a fun way :P) 4. I like the conversation. One of the coolest things about this to me is that I get to meet people that I may never have naturally talked to in my normal life. People with totally different lives, backgrounds, philosophies, and problems - it’s so interesting to learn about someone, and I always end up learning new things about myself! It’s also cool because it puts me in a very unique position in your life. You can talk or vent to me like a close friend about whatever is on your mind. I can give constructive criticism, feedback, advice, or just be an ear to talk to with no judgement. And since I’m not in your regular social circle you don’t really have to worry about there being any negative side-effects to you sharing your thoughts or feelings with me (not that there WOULD be if I WAS ;)).

I think it’s genuinely interesting to learn about people and have deep conversations about things that some people shy away from like philosophy, politics, religion, or just anything meaningful and interesting that you don’t get from boring small talk. And the beauty of it is that if the conversation ever takes a turn that bores you or is out of your general comfort zone, you can always just kick back and enjoy your massage in silence, or if you ever get sick of hearing me talk, you’re always welcome to put my mouth to better use as a means of instantly ending any conversation or debate ;). 5. I like that it’s something a little different. Massages are expensive, and a lot of guys either don’t like or don’t take eating pussy very seriously, or simply don’t understand it. It’s just sort of cool to me to be able to offer something that many people might consider 'too good to be true’. Plus, I have to admit I do get a certain sort of perverse satisfaction out of the different reactions I get from people regarding this.