Always loved that line. I'm sure it would never work, though. But where else would I get to try it without looking like a complete weirdo? Bonus points if you get the reference.

Edit:

Yeah, I know edits usually go at the bottom, but this needs to be at the top. I really shouldn't have to say this, but apparently I do. Don't waste my time with short and meaningless messages like, "hi", "how are you?" Or other pointless shit. Put some effort in and tell me something about yourself. Short and pointless messages will be completely ignored.

About me:

I'm 53, born and lived as a man, I'm 6'1", a bit soft around the middle, but hey, that happens with age. I'm big, burly, broad chested, bearded with hair, a stereotypical classic trucker look. A former gym rat, but injuries throughout life have put an end to that. Hence the squishyness.

I can host at my place if you can travel to me. Give a new meaning to Uber Eats. If I do host, know I have two cats, so if you are allergic, you'll be forewarned. But I will shut the door and have fresh, clean, un-cat-haired sheets for the event.

Also, I'm not just limited to Worc, MA. I'm south of Worcester myself, but I figured the city would be a better place to base this from as a small town doesn't get as much search traffic. Pretty much anywhere in southern New England works for me. Maine, northern NH, and VT are a bit of a stretch, so you'd have to be special for me to go that far. Have tongue, will travel as they say.

About you:

I'm not too picky. If there's a bit of connection, that's mostly what matters. I do prefer younger than me, or at least younger looking. I will say, though, I've honestly always wanted to try a petite girl. You know, one I could pick up, carry around, and lick like a double scoop ice cream cone. But I'd be happy to taste any flavor or scoop size.

Just be clean and disease - and drug free. I'm not a fan of smokers either. The smell puts me off. Of the smoke, not the love nest. Same with the 420 people. I don't care if you smoke, but the smell of it makes me gag. Feel free to bring your edibles, though.

Before the main event:

Personally, I'd like to chat a bit and meet up first to get to know each other a bit before anything happens. Coffee, dinner, drinks, or whatnot before meeting Colonel Angus, the southern explorer. Mostly just to assure trust and safety for the both of us.

During the fun:

We can go as long or as short as you'd like as well. Last time, I spent almost two hours happily munching away.

I also have assorted BDSM gear and toys if you are interested in such things, but that is totally optional and up to your discretion, comfort, and trust. If you want to see the collection of toys, just ask. I even have an inversion table where you can hang upside down while I bring the pleasure.

Afterward:

You can stick around to talk, watch TV, play with the cats, I can make you coffee or tea or a snack of some kind. Maybe order pizza or something. I will have ice cream, too. Even go into round two after a rest and rehydration break. Or you can just go if you've had enough. Either way, it's all up to you.

Epilogue:

Okay, this is getting novel length now, and we aren't here to read but to get you some oral satisfaction, so I'll cut this off. Besides, I've put myself in the mood for some ice cream.

I don't expect much to come of this, but hey, I figured I'd give it a shot. If you're interested, you know what to do. If not, I hope you get your licks in somewhere fun and find out how many it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie pop. Just don't ask Mr. Owl. He taps out rather quickly. ^{Yeah, I know, another old guy reference that most people won't get.}

^{So, once more, unto the breach.}