I am going to be visiting the DC area mid July (11-19, to be precise), staying at a hotel near DCA. It’s going to be a stressful trip for me, and I’m hoping to get room service.

Not literally room service, of course - I will be doing all the servicing. Really I need someone who can deliver and serve something tasty for me to eat. All I expect from my server is for her to kick back, relax, and let me eat. And eat. And eat.

You see, eating is my stress release. My god, do I love to eat. I’ve actually been asked to stop eating more than a few times. My server told me I had eaten enough, that she needed a break. If this happens, I of course will oblige, since it is important to me to treat servers with respect, even if my face might be soaking wet from all my eating.

If you are interested in applying for the server position, here are the qualifications:

• Must have a high school diploma!

• Must have clean results from a medical test

• Must have excellent communication skills

• Must be available weekends anytime, or weeknights 7pm-midnight

• Must be local to the DC/NOVA area. This position is in-person only!

• Work from home is a possibility we can discuss, if you have a suitable location

• Must have enough stamina to serve at least two rounds

Well qualified candidates will:

• Offer a variety of things to eat, suck, lick, or nibble, in addition to the main course

• Have outstanding verbal communication skills, including moaning, squealing, screaming, and giggling

• Not be squeamish working any time during the month

There are a number of outstanding benefits:

• Relaxed, private environment where you set the pace

• Daily housekeeping, no need to worry about the sheets

• Multiple positions available - you pick!

• An experienced, attentive, and deeply appreciative eater who will work tirelessly for your satisfaction

• Equal opportunity employer who does not discriminate against age, race, weight, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Trans men are encouraged to apply as well!

Applying is easy! Just start a chat introducing yourself and what you hope to achieve in this position. All applications will be acknowledged, and handled carefully with the utmost discretion.

Qualified candidates should expect a chat-based “chemistry test.” Please submit suggested topics for the chemistry test, something you are passionate about. Passion is important!

In addition to the chemistry test, please expect a final, in-person interview at a public location. This mandatory step is for your safety before you assume your new position.

About the person you will be serving: 51, 5’10”, slim build, clean shaven, ddf, educated, separated. His dog says he’s an awesome guy! Although really, you shouldn’t trust a dog about such things.