Hi Sharks. I’m throwawayrandom9999, and I am offering to go down on you for a night. I am looking to put 100% of my face between your legs with a 0% expectation for any reciprocation.

Yes, this is a shark tank bit. And if you wish you may continue to read this post as pitch to the sharks of RAOMD. Play this in the background for full immersion😂

It’s thanksgiving week here in the US. A four day weekend already provides ample opportunity for fun activities, but if your schedule is anything like mine then you have even more time to kill. Turns out clients don’t like doing anything on a three day work week, and I for one would like to make the most of this extra time.

What better way than with some good oral sex? I’m looking for someone lay back, relax, and allow me to give their clit the attention it deserves. I’m offering one full night of my tongue on your pussy, and I’m willing to go for however long you’d like.

I would once again like to stress that i am not looking for or expecting any reciprocation, but I’d be foolish to enter the Tank unwilling to negotiate. If you would like to return the favor in any way I certainly won’t turn your offer down. At the very least I’ll hear you out. However, I will not ask for it and this paragraph will be the last time I speak of it even if we meet. This is entirely up to you and the ball is in your court. I am perfectly happy spending the night with my face between your legs and nothing more.

Here is a little bit about me: * I am 5’8, about 190lbs, and there are (nsfw) pictures of me in my post history. I am a bigger guy, but I work out daily and while I’m no Adonis I do stay active with cardio and weight lifting. This is my way of saying “I don’t think I look that bad,” but I’ll let you be the judge of that. * I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I am free of diseases sexual or otherwise. I also take my personal hygiene seriously (shower twice a day, brush twice a day, floss every day) if that’s something you care about. I am fully vaccinated as well. * I like to think I’m a pretty easy going guy, but ultimately that’s for you to be the judge of. I can be a little shy and awkward at first, but I warm up to people quickly. I like to keep things light and fun. I’m kind of nerdy, but I also like sports and, as I mentioned earlier, I work out daily.

Here is what I am looking for: * I’m not very picky when it comes to body types. Thin? Curvy? Somewhere in between? It’s all good to me! * I would like for your hygienic habits to be similar to mine. That means no smokers, no hard drugs, and basic cleanliness. If you smoke weed that’s fine not a dealbreaker, just don’t expect me to join in. Also please be disease free. * idk be cool? This is always most fun when we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Let’s keep things light and have some fun. * This is the third time I will mention that I am not looking for or expecting any reciprocation. This is all about you.

Here’s something that’s non negotiable: safety. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is that you feel safe and comfortable at all times. Have any limits? I will absolutely respect them. No longer feeling comfortable around me for any reason what so ever? Just say the word and I will leave you alone. No questions asked. That should all go without saying, but you can never be too safe.

On that note I also value my own safety. If you end up messaging me I will ask for you to verify yourself. I don’t care if you’re verified by some mod on this subreddit or any other subreddit. I will ask for verification of my own. That is non negotiable, and I will end our conversation without hesitation if you aren’t willing to. I will absolutely verify myself for you as well if you ask.

So, Sharks, do we have a deal? Shoot me a message and let me know.

And props to those of you who have humored me and made it this far. I am thankful for all of you 😂