I've had some awesome encounters on here in the past, and after not prioritizing spontaneous Reddit dives for the last few years, my curiosity has gotten the best of me. Hell, I’ll even play you a concert to add to the pillow talk.

I know y’all have plenty to sift through so I'll lay down some basic details:

I. Am I ugly?

UMM, what's the best way of saying you're attractive without being a douche about it?

I've been told I look like that guy from a theatre audition you took 10 years ago... so yea, I'm 6'0'', Austrian/Colombian, got a fit/athletic bod going on, and darker features all around.

II. Do I have a life?

Sort of? When I'm not on reddit, I'm a professional violinist, teacher/freelancer with said violin, and I bartend on the side. You can find me sitting at a bar most weekends, running long distances, playing ultimate somewhere, darts, golf, low stakes poker, gaming (FPS), and ignoring panicked emails from students and parents.

Other things:

• believes he's a sommelier

• skilled crock pot chef

• gotten drunk with Yo-Yo Ma

• Leslie Nielsen

• i don't smoke a lot of weed, but I can definitely roll better than you

III. Can I start a fire with two sticks?

Yes.

IV. Do I have any expectations for this post?

Does a bear shit in the woods? Well, yes, and no. This is reddit after all, so I can't really say I know exactly what I'm getting into here 🎼lowered expectations🎼

Anyway, I can’t tell you how fucking passionate I am about this—the thrill of meeting another like-minded redditor, and simply having the trust in one another to meet up on a whim, only for me to spend hours devouring you? Man, life is awesome.

I’m not trying to sound all high and mighty here—I truly mean it when I say I’m a kind, sensitive, understanding human who genuinely enjoys the selfless act of creating a welcoming space for you to simply enjoy your body. I don’t want reciprocation (entirely up to you), and as cliche as it sounds, I’m simply looking for someone who shares the same enthusiasm as I do for orgasms. Maybe there’s a way I grabbed your thigh, your breast, your shoulder that enhanced the pressure of my tongue on your clit… a certain rhythm I had going as my fingers glide on your g-spot… Maybe you’re a “starfish me to fucking bed” kind of gal and slap the blindfold on while you’re at it.

I don’t know—I could have skipped this long rambling post and simply said “let’s grab a drinks and fuck” but that would boring.

Anyway.

Cool, sounds great, hope to hear from you.