Edit: I seriously don't understand some people who self-admittedly dedicate time to 'hunting down' queer guys (they're not all gay—some are bi, boys) and trans women and flakes. You could be having a lot more fun—maybe even with women, maybe even sexually with women—if you picked a new hobby. I empathize with the dudes who ended up in MRA, Red Pill, incel, and pick-up forums. There's an Earth Prime 2 where, when I struggled with women growing up, my Google search for 'how to get girls' brought me down the same rabbit holes some venture down. Some female friendships formed early enough that they strayed me away from that nonsense. Which is dope. But not every man out there gets to avoid all that poison.

I know what it's also like to be frustrated by time wasters, pic collectors, flakes, fakes, and the 'dreaded' trans woman just trying to live her life and get some dick trying to 'trick' you. There's a lot of ego, entitlement, and obsession in that frustration. "But it's not fair all these dudes are getting their dicks sucked and I'm not. And now this one person gave me Hope through this prolonged message exchange and then she turned out to be fake (or maybe genuinely woke up sick and had to cancel)—SHE WASTED MY TIME! GRRR!' I got on the subway the wrong way by accident yesterday and went two stops before course-correcting. Time gets wasted. It sucks. Be mature about it.

The two RandomActs communities are really fucking cool. I've had a ton of fun on them over the last ~6 years. They always seemed more chill, more relaxed, and more fun than the Craigslist ads out there. I mean, yes, Craigslist bukkakes are fun but that's beside the point. It just felt like more people—especially the women—were on here taking a chance or indulging their inner slut they'd always wanted to embrace. The gal I met up with (who thinks some of you have too much time on your hands) was taking a chance with her ad. So have a lot of the women I've met up with on here. And so, too, have the dudes I've recruited on here for the bukkakes and gangbangs. Isn't that so cool that they're putting their dicks and mouths online for the thrill of a new connection? How the fuck did you get random blowjobs in the 50s??? It's one of many reasons I love the internet.

There are definitely fakes on here. I admittedly thought this gal—we'll call her Edna—was at least not serious about meeting up, if not an all-out flake. She wanted to see my cock and I declined. But she kept talking to me. And the next day I asked, 'You decide if you wanna meet up tonight?' She said yes and we did. She even ended up calling me cuz her friend had a question after looking me up online. It's fine to have your guard up! Just don't have it up so much that you miss out on some fun opportunities. I figured the worst that happened was I lost an hour or two of my time.

I've had my time wasted. I had one chick trick me into an uber to Sheepshead Bay after I asked if she was a working girl. She promised no. Once I got there, she insisted I buy a $100 iTunes gift card before we had sex (don't ask me why the new scam is iTunes gift cards....it boggles my mind). Months later, she tried it again on me with the same exact Kik handle. I have a bunch of these negative stories just like that because I have a lot of free time on my hands, and instead of figuring out how to make more money or be funnier, I do fun sex stuff on the internet. Fakes suck. I get it. But also, when someone shares a story, what's it to you that it's fake or not? You'll never 'purify' a subreddit, or a website, or the internet. And I don't see the healthy maturity in obsessing over it.

I'm a fan of a particular NSFW non-photo subreddit where, well, a lot of stories are told. Some are clearly just a horny dude smashing his keyboard in his second language. And some read very sincerely, even if fabricated. It's very possible I'm reading something that's fake. But also, I'm reading it to jerk off. So, does it really matter? Most of you read these to jerk off. I genuinely don't—when I do stop to read one, it's to celebrate that some people had some orgasms (or to read the horror stories—I like those more for some reason). You want a story that titillates. Well, not all are titillating. And not all have, even when they're hot and fun like Edna was, have super titillating details.

The entitlement some of y'all have to have success stories be your porn is the same entitlement attitudes I bet you have with desired sexual partners. Just guessing. I kinda talk about this for a living, so I like to think I'm a pinch more qualified to make those guesses unless you have a psychoanalytic profession. "But I bought dinner!" "But it's been three dates!" "But I just want to see a photo of your boobs without your face in it so you can't be identified and I can get my nut off and I don't understand why you're being an unreasonable bitch about it!" IDK dudes. If you've said stuff like that, you might wanna self-evaluate.

And if you wanna talk it out, you know what? You can PM me. Seriously. If you think you're anything like what I'm describing and wanna make a change not just to get pussy, but to just be a better level-headed human flesh bag, I got a little extra emotional labor in me to do it. I do not sell self-help shit, btw. I'm not a coach or whatever ready to sell you a Modern Manhood course. I might ask you to, like, follow me on twitter or something if you think I helped. I think that's fair, but there's no catch. I'm just a comedian with a fuck show who has a pretty cool sex life and literally nothing else....who has been there.

What do I know? I'm just a guy who literally has strangers PM me cuz they read other women post stories about me and tag me and then they wanna take their clothes off with me. Or they listen to me talk openly about sex in a vaguely tasteful way with other women like them on a podcast and then they DM me on Instagram to say, "Wow. Can I sit on your face?" And I'm not even super cute. So. Take what I say with a grain of salt. But I bet I could look at what you're doing and give you a pretty good idea where you're going wrong if you're so frustrated by casual sex that you have to go 'hunt for fake gays' on Reddit. Again. What do I know? I only organized three gangbangs in January because random women were asking me to. Life is weird.

Wow. I like this sativa a lot.

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I can't remember that last time I fooled around with an 18-year-old. I'm not one of those guys obsessed with recently legalized pussy. Yet I saw this ad and was feeling horny again after a long bout of low libido. So, fuck it! Let's go get a blowjob from someone I hope is a college freshman and not a high school senior.

She replied somewhat quickly complimenting my eyes and my thirst trap attempts on Instagram. We go back and forth a bit before switching to text, and the next day (last Friday) we pulled the trigger to meet up that night. I drove out to her university—oh thank god—and picked her up in a very large dorm parking lot. We circled around to a far off corner in my heated Toyota Camry (hey ladies) making small talk. She was really nervous. It was her first time meeting up with a stranger on the internet. But she said via text she really simply just....wanted a cock in her mouth.

I asked if I could kiss her, and we started off with some making out before she reached out for my thigh. Getting the message, I leaned back and pulled down my sweatpants to reveal the hard-on waiting for her. The blowjob was great as I looked out for passersby. She took me all in and threw a hand on it midway through—which I *love*. I've done IDK 15-20 RandomActs meet-ups and I never know how to/care to describe the blowjobs themselves. It was a blowjob. It was awesome. Nothing out of the ordinary haha but that's a good thing!

She swallowed a nice big load I'd saved up all day for her. Then we just talked about boys and sexuality in my car for another 30-45 minutes. I talk about sex and dating for a living—and we live in a country with abhorrent sex education standards—so I accidentally fell into advice mode, fielding her concerns and worries about becoming a sexual being now that she's in college. We talked about maybe meeting up again to just smoke a bowl and test out a few things in bed to see what she likes and how she likes it, so she can better communicate that to the idiot dudes she's bound to bang and blow over the next 4 years.

Had a blast. I tend to do way more RAOMD than RAOBJ, so it was fun to be on the receiving end again. It was a blowjob that really sparked some desire for me, kicking off a super sexual weekend as a hit up a sex party with my girlfriend the next night, then had a fuckfest all Sunday morning. Sent her a text earlier this week to thank her for revving me up!