'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

My little creature was stirring, but nowhere a mouth;

I was quite hung, dangling free in the air,

In hopes the a lady soon would be there;

We could be nestled all snug in a bed;

But visions of redditors just danced in my head;

If you've a nice booty, I'll give it a slap,

Just suck out my brains so I don't have to fap;

When she touched my member it began to get fatter,

I sprang from my pants and she needed a ladder.

Away from the windows, she flew to the flesh,

She made me shudder, her technique so fresh.

Soon on her breasts, I needed to blow,

Give a lustre so jizzy to objects below,

What to my wondering eyes did appear,

But two natural breasts without any fear,

With a little head motion so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment she must love my dick.

More rapid than eagles and coursers I came,

And I whistled and shouted and called out her name.

"Now Ugh, yeah. (Unitelligible grunt), (redditors's name) you Vixen!

I'm Coming. No okcupid could score me this lixen!"

I'll grab a towel, it went to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Actually, no seriously we can cuddle or do whatever.

Okay, so I decided not to do the entire poem, but I think you get the spirit of what's on my mind. For all the official cheer, the holidays can be a bit much, even with all the sunshine here in LA. Don't you want to get away from the family and do something completely not corporate. Do something cozy that doesn't involve a packed shopping mall? With somebody who thinks the best way to pick up chicks is to write poetry parody? (Man, the original has odd punctuation.) I'll gladly exchange pictures, but don't want to post one publicly for reasons that might well be obvious. I'm uncircumcised if it matters to you. Up for doing anything that makes you feel cheerful. Ideal situation would be to meet in public. Maybe grab a drink or something, just so I can double check I am not inviting a whole angry motorcycle gang escorted by the Lost Boys back to my apartment. (It's a small apartment, they wouldn't all fit.)

Merry Christmas to all, and with any luck, a good night.