My fiancé and I have been together for almost 7 years. I’m getting married in 21 days. My brain desperately does not wish me to do this and is constantly throwing itself against the floor of my cranium in a tantrum.

In the last 48 hours alone, I have ruminated about:

• How I don’t love him and shouldn’t get married, in fact we should just break up.

• How annoying he can be.

• Any and all tiny faults in our relationship that I perceive, real or imagined.

• How when we get divorced he’ll keep the dog because he’s more attached to her. Does that make me a shit person? Let’s ruminate on that too.

• How since I seem down or anxious it obviously means I don’t care enough or that this wedding is doomed, definitely not that I have a mental disorder that is been exacerbated by a life event.

And guess what? I have some diamond fucking hands because I am HOLDING ON. I am committed to this decision no matter how much my brain thrashes and screams and spins my imagination. I am doing breathing exercises and jumping jacks to get the nervous energy out instead of compulsions.

I can do this.