I’ve had a fetish my whole life and I feel like I have used it as a reason why my relationships haven’t felt fulfilling. I don’t pick partners based on their internet in my fetish, especially since I don’t feel accepted by the fetish community and I don’t think it defines my values or life goals, so I have met people on regular dating sites. I’ve had 2 longer relationships, including the one with my husband. I constantly feel like I settled because we aren’t a sexual match. To some extent I am aware this is a common issue for people with a fetish and not ROCD behavior, but my therapist seems to think I have ROCD because I am constantly questioning the relationship and if we are supposed to be together because the sex is so bad. To clarify the sex is almost non-existant and when we do have sex most of the time I cry afterwards because it was so bad. I have never had a partner make me orgasm and I do blame that on the fetish but maybe I shouldn’t. I don’t really let my husband try to do much anymore because nothing he has done for a while turns me on. We have already tried couples therapy and it did basically nothing. We tried the sex therapy with the sensate focus and I feel it made us resent each other.
How do I know if I am over-prioritizing sex/sexual compatible in a relationship?
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- 3 years ago
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