The thought that haunts me most is about one of the ex girlfriends of my current boyfriend. She freaked out when he ended things with her and blamed me for it (she knew that we were friends before he ended it and thought that he cheated with me, but we waited until things were clear up with her) she freaked out so much, that she either ignored him in a very obvious way for about 6 months (uncomfortable for him, because they study together and share many classes) or she shouted at him. She blamed me so much, that she always looked at me, like she wanted to kill me and one time she saw me, ran out and proceeded to cry her eyes out in a university bathroom.

I have always felt sorry for her, because i know what its like if a guy tells you he is not into longterm relationships and then ends up in one with the next girl he meets (happened to me three times) and because she was so incredibly in love and even thought she had chances, because she met his familiy, his best friend and visited him at his favorite festival. I feel like i ruined everything for her, even though i know that they really did not make a great couple and he could never give her, what she wanted (he needs an equal and she wants to be submissive for example). I also feel very ashamed whenever i think about her in a way and i don’t like to be pushed into this position, where i have to hate her, because she is an ex of my boyfriend.

I have been with him for almost 11 months now, but thoughts about her still haunt me. Sometimes they go away for a few weeks, but then i can‘t think about anything else for four days. One time it was so bad, that i thought about breaking up, just to make the thoughts stop... it haunts me to think if he did a particular thing with her, like kissing her in a way he kisses me, or if he told her the same things or if its my fault that she isn’t over him, if he was thinking about her or why he didn’t delete her on facebook or if he wants to get back together with her.

My boyfriend and i have talked a lot about this (you could say too much) but on the one hand i think that it is great, that we are honest with each other, even a topic that is this difficult (also for him) and it has helped sometimes. On the other hand i learned that this is part of a compulsion. I have told him, that i don’t want to talk about this anymore, to see if that helped i actually feel a little better.

Right now i am obsessing about checking on her instagram profile. She told him long ago she would go traveling for 6 months before coming back to the 6th semester, which should actually be a reason to be really happy, but i want to check if she is still traveling and i am already thinking about what it will be like when shes back. Whenever i check on her profile i feel incredibly ashamed afterwards and hate myself for being insecure over something stupid like this.

What can i do, to make these thoughts stop?