I just broke up with my now-ex.

We mostly had a great relationship. Same interests, same values, an ability to grow as people, similarly affectionate, sexually compatible, same sense of humour, could be ourselves around each other. It was great. She was mostly fantastic for me, very caring, pushed me to grow as a person, and was usually very supportive. We had some truly amazing times together.

My OCD symptoms started around 5 months in, after having a massive argument. I started questioning the 'rightness' of the relationship. This resulted in a confession, and an argument, but we stayed together. Soon the doubts returned and I started getting stuck intrusive thoughts about my attraction to her, despite finding her beautiful. I also started to get immense guilt around finding other people attractive. This all led to more arguments, then more guilt and doubt on my side.

Then we had two absolutely massive arguments (fuelled by my doubts and questioning) only a week apart, where she screamed at me and also almost left both times. The doubts and rumination were horrific at that point. I pushed through and things got better, but the doubts and questions never went away. It was immensely difficult for both of us. I started therapy, read self help books, and really tried to make it work, but the rumination recently got so bad to the point that I couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate, or work properly. I knew about ROCD but I went back and forth in denial or acceptance of it. My partner told me I was just trying to diagnose myself and looking for solutions. Therapy wasn't helping and I started to lose faith.

Now things have ended, I really don't feel much better. I am immensely regretful, and ashamed at myself for causing her harm. It's similar rumination, but I'm mostly just numb now.

The thing is, we had genuine relationship issues too. We argued a lot, even when it wasn't related to my doubts, and a lot of things didn't get resolved. She was immensely jealous to the point she thought I was having an affair with my colleague, or my friend. No amount of reassurance was enough for her. She fundamentally didn't trust me. We both made each other more insecure about certain features (unintentionally). I found it hard to communicate to her, but often when I did, it wasn't soon enough or detailed enough. She often thought I was 'coming for her' despite me being a very calm communicator. I wasn't perfect either, and said things I deeply regret. It was a stressful relationship even at the best of times.

Now I'm full of confusion because on the one hand there's a chance I could have dealt with the OCD related stuff, but on the other hand I deep down wasn't confident in our relationship. My family all say I did the right thing because the relationship was so challenging and made me less happy over time. I know I've caused immense pain and I doubt she'd ever take me back.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this.